Shake It Off
by sharada614
Summary: Jay left Toronto to get his life together. Now, he is back for his mother's funeral. After the funeral, Jay hangs out with some old friends, and sees the most beautiful girl he's ever seen. Will he stay when he finds out who she is?
1. Chapter 1

**I got this idea while I was watching Garden State. The chapter titles are songs. I do not own Degrassi, or the songs, I just like to write.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 1, part 1: At your funeral**

_My mom just died. It's still so weird to think about. Even though my child hood sucked every single aspect of it. My 'father' came and went as he pleased, not caring about me or my mother. Honestly, I think she really did try her best, even though it wasn't much. Granted, my upbringing made me... rebellious, but she was my mom, so none of that matters now... right? I haven't spoken to anyone at all since I started living on my own, back in high school. My Aunt is the one who left the message on my machine... "Jason, I know we haven't spoken in a long time, and I wish there was a better way to tell you then over this answering machine, but, your mother passed away last night. She drowned in the bathtub. Please come down for the funeral, it would mean the world to her." I had been lying in bed while she left the message. I just continued to stare blankly at the ceiling. "It would mean the world to her", but she's dead, so shouldn't that be in past tense? I always knew something was going to happen to her. My mom was a paraplegic. I don't have too many memories of growing up, but the ones I do have aren't that great. All I can picture is the yelling, the fighting, and the occasional time when my mom and I would just sit and watch TV. That is the only okay thing that pops into my head when thinking about her._

_Anyway, I decided to attend the funeral. I felt like I had to, ya know. I took a plane ride back to Toronto. My head was elsewhere the entire time; I couldn't remember anything that was actually going on during the plane ride. I got this incredible headache, it felt like lightening. They stopped coming once I got to the funeral. I just stood there, watching people around me cry, and having to listen to some cousin sing a horrible song, and her voice made it even worse. The song was about three times a lady or something. Horrible, horrible voice. During the wake my aunt filled me in on what I missed, which wasn't much. My mom apparently decided to redecorate the house. The house is nice, especially compared to the dump of an apartment that I raised myself in. I really just wanted to leave, yet I just sat on the couch, emotionless. I was tired of hearing people cry and listening to stories. I never fit in with my 'family' and I definitely didn't fit in now. I couldn't bring myself to think about that. I tried to think about my mother, I felt like I should be crying or something... I don't know..._

_Finally I got out of there. I am now hanging out with Alex and the old Degrassi group that I never got along with. Apparently Alex and Paige are still an off-again-on-again couple. So here I am, sitting in this club, drinking to ease my mind. I half-heartedly reply to something Marco asks me, with no idea as to what he is talking about. I close my eyes, feeling that rush of a headache coming back to me, like lightening, and now its gone. I turn my attention to the entrance, for a reason unknown to me, almost like my eyes were being forced to look. Coming into the bar is one of the most beautiful girls I have ever laid my eyes on. The dress she is wearing is amazing, it hugs her in all the right places, but she doesn't look at all slutty. Never have I ever seen anything like her before in my entire life. Would you listen to me? I sound like a fucking chick or something, but she is almost breath taking...  
_

* * *

**Chapter1, part 2: Get Fucked Up**

She looks familiar, actually they all look familiar [her and the two girls that came in with her. I can't really get a good look from where I am, I mean I can see her body, which is hot, by the way, but I can't really see her face. Her friend is hot too. The three girls sit at a table, order some drinks, and are obviously talking about something funny. One of the other girls is dragging her off to dance, and she looks like she doesn't want to, but she's laughing. I wish I could get a better look at her. She's a pretty good dancer, moving her hips back and forth, the dress slowly coming up, and then falling back down. Incredible. Alex sits next to me with a little smile on her face.

"Do you know who you're staring at?" Alex asks him, a smiling creeping across her lips. She looks at the two girls dancing, and then back at Jay, who hasn't moved her eyes off of her.

"Who is she?" Jay removes his eyes from the girl to look at Alex's smile on her face. She laughs a little.

"If you don't already know who she is then I'm not telling you. I would love to be there when you finally find out who she is though." Alex says, and then gets out of her seat to go back over to Paige. Why couldn't she just tell me? Sometimes Lexi annoys the shit out of me. I'm done here; I need to hang out with my own type of people.

Jay left the bar, and took a drive to the ravine, just to reminisce. He walked around his old party area, not surprised to see new kids drinking and dancing, and the same old van. A little smirk escapes Jay's lips as he thinks back to his high school days.

"Jay, man, is that you?" Todd asks, approaching his old friend.

"Yep, it's me."

"What are you doing here?" Todd and Jay share a man-hug.

"Um, my mom just died, I came back for the funeral."

"Sorry dude, that sucks."

"Uh yeah, so what are you doing here, most these girls are probably jail bate." Jay looks around at the group of people. Skanky as always.

"Nah, I know a few who are eighteen. Hey, Scott's throwing a party; it's supposed to be good."

"Then what are we doing here?" Jay and Todd get into Jay's orange civic, which he just couldn't part with, and headed over to Scott's. Jay was greeted by a bunch of old partying buddies.

"Someone get this dude a beer, he shouldn't have to wait for one." Scott says over his shoulder to a few people that were in the kitchen. Someone got Jay a beer and the two headed over to the couch. "Nice to have ya back man." Jay nodded as he sipped his beer. Scott took out some coke, set it out on a little square piece of glass, and pushed it towards Jay.

"Nah." Jay says, shaking his head.

"Then take this." Todd gives him some X. Jay looks at the pill with the smiley face on it.

"I guess I'll see ya later." Jay throws the pill in his mouth and puts his head back as he swallows it. A couple of girls giggle and Todd pats him on the shoulder. Jay was out of it from that point on. He knew they started to play spin the bottle, and thought it was kind of weird. A bunch of twenty year-olds playing spin the bottle, but they were all either drunk or high.

Jay woke up the next morning on the couch. He sat up tiredly and looked around, trying to remember where he was and what he was doing there. I feel like shit. He stood up and made his way to the kitchen.

"Morning Jay, haven't seen you in forever. Have some cereal." Todd's mom poured him a bowl. "Okay, I'm off to work. Don't stay in the house all day; the monoxide detector was beeping all night so I took the batteries out. Love you." Todd's mom picked up her bag and headed out the door.

"Still living with your mom." Jay said, in between his bites of cereal.

"I love living here; I pay for nothing and do as I please." Todd announced, finishing his breakfast. "How long are you staying for?"

"Um, a few days I guess. I gotta get going, I'll see ya later."


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2, part 1: Confessions**

_I'm back home, and it feels pretty good, even though I wasn't all that far from home in the first place, just a couple hours away. I've missed my own room, and being with mom, Snake, and Jack. I must confess that I am pretty okay with my life. After all I went through in high school; it feels good not to have all that drama on my plate. My stress level hasn't gone down though, work is so tough. I work as an environmentalist/journalist. I just finished a peace rally for animal rights, and lately I've been writing articles for animals, or the earth, showing people how much trouble our world is in. One of them even got picked up by the New York Times! I have another rally coming up, this one is against violence (yeah, I should be pretty familiar with those, but this time I'm not held back by high school rules). I have the campaign started, and put together a march, with all the proceeds going towards battered women shelters. I feel really good about this campaign. All those years spent getting teased and ridiculed finally paid off, I knew they would. I really like my job, but I'm not going to go as far as to say I love it, because I do not want to jinx it._

_I also feel good about my current boyfriend, Tristan. We met several months ago at some club, called The Dive, where indie bands or bands trying to get started play. Manny begged me to go with her since I hadn't been home (in Toronto) for awhile because of college, so I had to say yes to her. I'm pretty glad I did too. The first time I saw him play, we kept our locked on each other. It was so weird that of all the people in the club, he was only looking at me. I didn't get a chance to see him that not, and was kinda bummed about it, but the next time Manny mentioned she was going there, I jumped on the chance to tag along. We had just pulled into the parking lot, and he was standing outside, talking on his cell phone. Manny and I headed for the doors, to wait in line, but he decided he was going to let us cut up front with him. When the security guard let us in we got a tone of 'no fairs' from the people who had been waiting. Tristan (the lead guitarist) introduced himself, and his band, Manny and I also introduced ourselves, and said hi. Then Manny found some guy doing something, and just HAD to talk to him, which left me alone with Tristan. We talked until he had to go up on stage, and then he motioned for me to join the stage as they played the last song. Manny literally pushed everyone out of the way and dragged me through the crowd; one of the security guys helped me onto the stage. I pleaded with Tristan to just let me stand off to the side, not wanting anyone to be looking at me, and he let me... from then on we have been pretty inseparable._

_He is part of the reason I want to move back home, along with missing my friends and family. I want to be closer to him, and to everyone else. I also found a good college to get my bachelor degree at right here in Toronto. For once in my life, everything is falling into place. I really hope it stays that way...  
_

* * *

**Chapter 2, part 2: The Party Scene; part 1**

Emma hurries down the street, adjusting her brown halter dress with a twist detail under the bust. This morning she decided to walk to work, since the building she had a meeting at was only a few blocks, five or six to be exact, but now she was running late. She walked as fast as she could in her brown Mary Jane's. _Damn it, I should have drove._ Emma pulled her bag to her shoulder as she rounded the corner. Finally, she reached her destination: The Dot. She hurried inside, looking around the room. Nostalgia hit her; she thought back to the countless times that she had been at The Dot. She quickly snaps back to reality, remembering why she came here in the first place. The bell jingles on the door and the person she had been looking for entered.

"Hey, I tried calling you, to tell you that I'd be late."

"You did?" Emma opens her purse and digs around in it. "Oh shoot, I must have left it at Tristan's."

"Shoot? You still say shoot? Emma, your twenty-one, I think you're allowed to use the word shit."

"Oh shut up. I'm hungry, let's get a table." Emma sits down across from her friend. "So Sean, how have you been?"

"I'm okay. The army was an amazing choice for me. I learned a lot." Sean nods his head and opens his menu.

"You're reading the menu? We've practically grown up here and you have to read the menu?" Emma mocks him.

"Can I take your order?" A waiter asks, pen in hand, flipping to a new page on his notepad.

"Burger and fries, with a coke." Sean tells him, closing the menu that he never actually read.

"Veggie burger and fries with a vanilla shake." Emma says, giving him a warm smile. The waiter leaves with their orders. "So do you have anything new to tell me?"

"Nope, not really." Sean shrugs a little. "I've missed seeing you."

"Yeah me too... which is why..." Emma trails off, in the hopes of creating some type of drum roll affect.

"Which is why... what?" Sean asks, placing his elbows on the table and leaning in a little.

"I'm moving back here." Emma says excitedly. The waiter brings their food. Emma automatically takes a sip of her shake.

"Cool, what about school?" Sean asks, picking up his burger.

"I'm going to get my bachelor degree here. I miss home, I miss my friends." Emma says, looking at Sean for a brief moment.

"Good, because I've missed having you around." Sean gives Emma a small smile, and the two dig into their food. _I've missed Sean. It's so great that after all we've been through we can still be the best of friends._ The two finished their meal and got ready to leave.

"Bye, I'll see you soon." Emma gave Sean a peck on the cheek and a hug then walked out of The Dot.

She went back to her house and remembered she didn't have her cell. She went to call Tristan to ask if it was okay that she came over, but she didn't remember his number_. Is it sad that I don't know my own boyfriend's number by heart? Well, that is what cell phones are for, storing numbers. I've never had to actually look at his number; I just go to his name and press send. I guess it couldn't hurt to just drive over there. The worst that happens is I get there and he's not home._ Emma got in her car and took the half hour-ish ride to Tristan's. She knocked on the door, which is answered by Jes.

"Hey Emma, everyone's in the living room." Jes motions for her to come in.

"Thanks, I just came for my phone, didn't mean to interrupt." Emma follows Jes into the living room.

"Oh you're not; feel free to join in, if you want." Jes took her seat on the floor. Emma took a look around at everyone. As her eyes scanned the room, she saw Nick (the bassist) rolling up a joint, and Sam (a friend of the band) taking a hit from a bong. Tristan looked up at Emma, and automatically stood.

"No, you don't have to get up; I just left my phone in your room." Emma says to Tristan. She walks up the stairs, making sure she keeps her composure. _He does drugs. I've been going out with him for like five months, maybe even six, and he does drugs. How did I not know this? Did he keep it from me on purpose? He must have, I mean the whole band does from the looks of it, even Sam and Jes. I must have hung out with them half a million times and they never do it when I'm over. Why would he hide it... more important, why does he do it? Our relationship is based on a lie... and drugs. No it isn't, come on Em, it's just pot, and maybe there's a reason he didn't tell you. Okay, I really need to get out of my head. Oh, there's my phone, I did leave it here...  
_

* * *

**Chapter 2, part 2: The Party Scene part 2**

Tristan had gone upstairs and saw Emma looking at the dresser. She picked up her phone, put it in her purse, and went to turn around.

"You mad?" Tristan asks her, leaning against the doorway.

"Um, no, I mean you can do whatever you want." Emma says to him. _I just don't understand how I could not have known. Why did you keep it a secret?_

"I don't do it that often, only when I'm stressed or something. It's really relaxing." Tristan tells her, moving a little closer to her.

"Yeah, okay, so..." Emma doesn't really know what to say.

"Are you sure you're okay with it? Is something else bothering you?" Tristan steps closer to her so he is directly in front of her. He rubs his hands up and down her arms.

"Yeah, I'm fine. It's just work." Emma tells him, drawing in a deep breath before exhaling. "I'm working on a huge violence campaign."_I've told you that before, but you never seem to remember._

"Oh, do you want some pot? It will take your stress level down." Tristan looks at Emma, and she seems apprehensive about trying drugs. "I'm not gonna pressure you, it was just a suggestion."

"Yeah, I don't think so, thanks for the offer." Emma tells him. _I can't do drugs. I've been against stuff like that my whole life. I'll just have to deal with my stress some other way._

"No sweat, so you wanna stay for a little?" Tristan asks, keeping his voice sounding cool as he hinted towards something.

"Hmm..." Emma says with a coy smile forming on her lips. She plants her lips on Tristan's. He held her tighter by the waist as he returned it. As their tongues found each other, Tristan moved one hand to the bottom of her shirt. He slowly reached up her shirt, grazing her stomach, up to her breast, and back down. He broke the kiss to lift Emma's shirt up, but stopped when he noticed her shirt. It's a cream colored shirt that says 'Have you ever...'

"What does that mean? Have you ever... what?" Tristan asks her, intrigued by her shirt.

"I don't know, but it's cute." Emma tells him, shrugging her shoulders. She put her hands at the bottom of her shirt and slowly gripped the edge. Gradually she pulled the shirt up, teasing Tristan with her playful behavior. Tristan kept his hands at her sides, watching Emma's shirt slowly rise. Once Emma pulled it over her head, Tristan hungrily kissed her lips. The two walked towards his bed. Tristan lightly pushed her down onto the bed; he pulled off his shirt before joining her. They resumed kissing and Tristan let his hand inch her way up her leg, to her thigh. He liked the way her skin felt under his hand, and the soft material of her azure drawstring heart patch skirt. Emma broke the kiss to catch her breath, while Tristan's hand continued its path higher and higher up her thigh. A mere minute later, the two continued kissing and undressing each other...

Emma pulled her clothes back on and grabbed her purse. "I'll see you soon, bye." Emma gave him a kiss on the lips before heading out of his room and down to her car... She got back to her house, greeted everyone and sat at the computer. Emma thought to use her time wisely and look for her own place. _I wonder if... I don't know... Tristan and I have sex every time we see each other... is that how a 'grown up' relationship works? I feel like he doesn't know anything about me, and he never remembers anything I tell him. Maybe I'm just reading too much into it. He's in a band, and they are always writing or recording or playing gigs... or smoking pot. I hope he doesn't do anything worse then that. I mean pot is natural, and he says he doesn't do it all that often. I hope it stays that way..._


	3. Chapter 3

**I should mention that _italicized _print is the person's thoughts. Also, this is happening at the same as the last chapter.**

* * *

** Chapter 3, part 1: Take it or Leave it part 1**

_I left Todd's and headed to the doctor's which I'm late for. I get there, a nurse type lady hands me a clipboard of papers and tells me she'll call me when the doctor's ready to see me. Back in the day I would have never gone to the doctor's, because I always knew right... well I didn't. I also would have NEVER gone to a head doctor, and I don't mean a shrink type of head doctor, a doctor who specializes in dealing with the brain or whatever. I need to know if there is something wrong with me, if that is why I keep getting these lightening headaches._

"Jason, the doctor will see you now." A nurse says from the doorway. She holds it open until Jay enters. She points out his office. Jay takes a seat and waits for the doctor to come in.

"Jason, hi, I'm Doctor Frampton." The doctor shakes Jay's hand and sits behind his desk. "Okay, so what can I do for you?"

"I get these intense headaches, almost like lightening, they only last a few seconds, usually no more then a minute" Jay says, putting his hand to his temple, trying to find the right words to explain his headaches the right way.

"Well, let us get you checked out then." The doctor stands up, motioning Jay to follow him.

_I went through a bunch of test, and had to go through an MRI, and whatnot. It took forever. The doctor concluded that nothing is wrong with me. Well isn't that just great, well then why do I get the headaches? The Doc gave me a migraine prescription, hopefully they work. I worked up an appetite... The Dot, I haven't been there in almost five or six years. Just as I park the car and am about to get out I see her, the girl. She looks as amazing as she did last night. She's walking down the street, so I can't see her face, but I can definitely tell it's her. All I can think about, well besides her ass [since it's currently the only thing I can see is what Alex said at the bar. Why can't I figure out who she is? Maybe Alex was just messing with me; she does like to do that. I can't think about that anymore, I'm starving. I walk in, about to take a table when someone bumps into me._

"Watch where you're walking." Jay tells him, not bothering to see who it is.

"Jay!?"

"Man, How you been?" Jay asks, doing the male hand shake.

"Good, how about you, what has it been, five years since you up and left?"

"Um yeah, it's been okay. My mom just died, that's why I'm back in town." Jay says taking a seat.

"Sorry to hear dude, you doing okay?"

"Yeah, you know me, never much of a family person." Jay stops talking to give the waiter his order. "You want something?"

"Nah, I already ate. Right, so how long you staying for?"

"A couple more days maybe, I haven't decided yet."

* * *

**Chapter 3, part 1: Take it or Leave it part 2**

Jay's cell phone starts ringing just as the waiter brings out his food. "Sorry man, I have to take this." Jay opens his phone, "Hello?"

"Jay, this is Greg, how you holding up?"

"I'm fine, what's up?" Jay picks up a fry, putting it in his mouth.

"Well, I know you've been missing Toronto lately, and since I just promoted you..." Greg, Jay's boss says into the phone.

"Yeah..." Jay replies, waiting for him to finish.

"There's a shop in Toronto, um... Tony's Garage,"

"Yeah, I used to work there." Jay tells him, and then eats another fry.

"Well, he's selling it, and I bought it. You remember us talking about franchising, so if you want to stay in Toronto a while longer, I could use you there to set up shop."

"Um, wow, I could stay a few more days. I haven't really decided whether or not I want to stay."

"Okay, well if you stay there and set up the garage for me, in a few day you tell me whether or not you want to stay, if you do you can be me [the boss, or you can come back here and we can switch places."

"Yeah, sounds good, I'll keep in touch."

"Good, take inventory at Tony's so I know how much more I need to spend, plus the cost of workers."

"Well, I'm actually eating with an old friend, and I must say he is as good as a mechanic as I am. If he needs work, you won't need to spend any money on workers until the garage is totally set up."

"Works for me, work it out, keep me updated. I gotta go, work is calling." Greg and Jay both hang up. Jay turns to his friend.

"So you looking for work?" Jay asks him, picking up his burger.

"Actually I am, I want something better so I can get a different place."

"Cool, once I get done eating, we're headed over to Tony's."

_I ate pretty quickly, and we headed over to Tony's. We chatted with him for a while, and then he handed over all the necessary paperwork. We got started cleaning up and setting up shop. It took longer then expected, probably because my mind is elsewhere. Do I really want to stay here, where I grew up, for the most part? It's a good opportunity, to start this place up, but I can be the boss at the garage in Ontario too. I don't know if being back here is going to be good for me. I left my old ways behind, maybe they'll catch back up to me. Well I know one thing that hasn't changed; I still hate thinking so much..._

"This place looks pretty good."

"Yeah, Greg will be happy." Jay says to his friend. "We still have to tear down the Tony's sign, we'll probably have to call someone in to do that. Greg's gonna have to get a GM AUTO sign too."

"There's still a lot of stuff here, your boss is lucky he bought it will all its contents."

"Greg's a good business man." Jay says, walking over to all the parts and tools, "We should probably put like things together."

_Dare I say that I like being home. Weird, beyond weird. I hate taking inventory though. It takes forever. I still can't decide whether or not I want to stay. Maybe I'll stay until I figure out who that girl is. Hmm..._

"That's the last of it."

"Thanks for helping man, considered yourself hired." Jay says to his friend. "I need to fax this list over to Greg. You think the one in the office works?" Jay asks out loud, not really expecting an answer. He pulls out his phone, gets Greg's fax number, and to his luck, it works. Jay then sends Greg a text saying the shop is pretty much cleaned up. "Okay, not I have to find a place to crash." Jay said, hinting to his buddy.

"Yeah, fine you can crash with me, since you gave me a better job then the one I have now."

"Sweet, thanks Sean. Well let's go then."


	4. Chapter 4

**This is short--it just brings Manny into the story**

* * *

**Chapter 4, part 1: My Solution**

_I cannot take living here anymore. I think the only reason I stayed here so long for was because of Mami. After hardly living here in high school I just missed her so much. They are my parents, and I love them, but I can't do this. They should be happy for me, they should be proud of me, they should want me to fulfill my dreams. All they do is argue with me... well not so much Ma, but Papi does. They said they would try to understand what I want, and help me though it... but I don't think they are trying their hardest. I understand how they grew up, and what our heritage means, but I am doing what I love, and it makes me happy... so shouldn't that make them happy?_

_I know I shouldn't still be living home anyway, I mean I am twenty, but I wanted to make them happy. They said they missed me being home, so I moved back home... I won't go too much as to say big mistake, but it isn't pleasant. I need my own place, I need to be around people who are happy that I am happy. This is why I am moving in with Emma, well once we find a place. With both of us working we should be able to afford a descent living space, which is all I need. I love the way my life is going, especially after all that high school bullshit. I am so done with the whole drama scene._

_I am currently working on a small movie, my second one actually. I'm pretty happy about it. I try out for every audition that happens within a twenty mile radius of Toronto. I've done some TV commercials, been in a couple TV shows (just as extras or such), and am on my second movie (which I said before). I'm thinking about driving a bit more for auditions. Anyway, I'm taking acting classes, as well as mandatory college classes at University of Toronto. Shouldn't t hat make my parents feel any better? I am in college, which is what they wanted. I guess I'll just never understand them._

_Oh, Emma and her new boyfriend... I am not a fan of Tristan, He reminds me so much of Craig. I just know he is going to get her into trouble. I hope she doesn't fall head over heels for him. She doesn't need that kind of drama in her life. I wish she would talk to me more. Emma hardly tells me anything anymore. We are best friends, but she won't tell me anything about Tristan. She goes over to his house all the time and comes home, not giving me any details. I can't handle it. She knows how nosey I am. Is there something she's not telling me? No... Emma's smart... she wouldn't get herself into trouble... Ah, my phone's ringing._

_"Hello" I should have looked at my caller ID before answering._

_"Hey, I found an amazing place so you're stuff better be packed." Emma tells me._

_"It is, I so can't wait!" I match Emma's excitement._

_"Good, so I'm currently moving my stuff in. I know what you're going to say, but I packed up my car before I even looked at the place. I saw the ad and I just put my things in my car and came over here. It's so darling. Two bedroom, one bathroom, which has an amazing tub, it's huge, a regular sized kitchen, and a descent sized living room. So Manny Santos, you have to get your ass down here now." Emma rambles on. I am so excited to be living with Emma again. I get the address, pack everything into my car that fits, and race down to our new apartment. This is so going to rock._

_It took all day, and most of the next, but we got everything we [meaning Emma and I into our new place. It is so amazing, I love it. Emma got Sean to help us, who, by the way, is moving into the apartment across from ours. He's looking for a bigger place too, although I don't know why. I didn't think to ask, which is weird since I am such a curious person at heart, but I was just too happy about finally living on my own, well on my own with Emma. I really hope all goes well..._


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5, part 1: Gently**

_Yes, I will stay here for a while,  
For I need the break. A break from the  
Pressures of life, and everything  
That lays in the palm of life's hands._

_  
I am so stressed right now. Can you believe that one of the damn interns misplaced all the paperwork for the Women Against Violence march?! I have to re-submit everything to get all the permits back. Ugh! Like I didn't have enough work to finish, let alone starting almost everything all over again. Plus, I'm running late for my 'date', although it's not really a date, at Tristan's. I didn't even have time to get home to change, and I'm not really in the mood to deal with Manny and her third degree right now._

"Em, you're here. I thought you stood me up." Tristan jokes, allowing Emma to step into his house.

"Me, never, I wouldn't do such a thing, but I do need a ride home, I took a taxi." Emma gives him a small smile.

"Good to hear." Tristan states, placing his hand on her back, guiding her up the stairs. Emma makes it to his bedroom and flings herself down on his bed. "What's wrong?" Tristan asks her before seating himself next to her on his bed.

"Totally stressed. I have to redo all my work for the march." Emma tells him. She takes a deep breath, slowly letting it out.

"What march?" Tristan asks, looking down at her.

"Nothing important, just something I have to do for work." Emma tells him. _He never remembers anything. I must have told him about the Women Against Violence like twelve times. Tristan doesn't have time to remember that kind of stuff, he's got his band, his gigs... his drugs..._

"Okay... so you need something to get your stress level down?" Tristan inquires. He looks at her, waiting her approval before getting up and rummaging through one of his dresser drawers. He pulls out a plastic baggy. "I have some pot left, it will make you feel a lot better." Tristan opens the bag, but puts it down on the dresser. He opens up the same drawer he took it out of and looks for some papers. Tristan carefully distributes the weed onto the paper, pulls out a dollar, and rolls the joint. He searches his drawer, his pockets, and the top of his dresser before finding a lighter. He lights it up, takes a hit and passes it to Emma.

_It's just pot, nothing extremely harmful. I can just experiment, what is one time going to do to me? It won't be a big deal. I really am stressed, and lighting up sounds pretty good to me right about now, whether Tristan listens to me or not._ Emma slowly reaches her hand out to take the joint from Tristan. She takes a slow, steady puff and waits a second before releasing. She handed the joint back over to Tristan. Before Emma knew it, they were passing it back and forth. Emma must have taken four hits before Tristan got up to make another one, which they split. Emma began to get really giggly, and enjoyed how stress free she felt. She hung out at Tristan's for another couple hours before she even thought about getting back to her apartment. Zack (lead singer) drove her home. Emma thanked him repeatedly, not remember that she had already said thank you. She walked up to her apartment door, fumbling with the keys, only to have Manny open the door from the other side.

"Hey Em, I didn't think you'd be back tonight. How was Tristan's?" Manny asks, allowing Emma to step inside the apartment.

"Fine." Emma tries her hardest to suppress a giggle, but it soon escapes her lips.

"Are you okay?" Manny asks, trying to get a good look at Emma. Emma just nods, trying to avoid Manny's eyes at all costs. "OH MY GOD, you are high!" Manny exclaims, covering her open mouth with her hand.

* * *

**Chapter 5, part 2: New Disaster**

_A hurricane. A tornado. A forest fire. A falling piano.  
From out of a window. Where ever she goes. Pure disaster surely follows_

"What on Earth is wrong with you!" Manny yells at Emma.

"Nothing!" Emma yells back, trying to keep her giggly behavior under her skin.

"Nothing!" Manny repeats, "Well then why are you HIGH?" She asks, standing with her hands on her hips.

"It's not THAT big of a deal, so I tried some, everyone tries something." Emma shrugs, trying to not yell back at her best friend.

"You, Emma Nelson, are not everyone. I can't believe you. It's that damn boyfriend of yours isn't it?" Manny asks, giving her a hard look, her arms now folded across her chest.

"Leave Tristan out of this." Emma says sternly, shooting Manny an even harder look.

"Tristan, right, so you got weed all on your own, figured out how to roll a joint, or use a bong, or whatever, and smoked it." Manny says aloud, not really expecting an answer. She shakes her head back and forth, trying to relieve herself of the anger flowing through her. "This is something... well its something I would do, not you."

"Well I wanted to try it, and I did. Nothing bad happened and you have no reason to be angry with me." Emma retorts. _It was just a one time thing. Why can't I just try something? It's not like I'm automatically going to become a pot head or something. How come when I do something, or make a mistake, every single person I know jumps down my throat. You are supposed to learn from your mistakes._

"I can't deal with you right now, especially like this." Manny grabs Emma's arm. She swings the front door open, walks out, pulling Emma behind her, and pounds on Sean's door. She waits for someone to answer, and when the door doesn't open a mere five seconds later, Manny starts pounding again. Finally the apartment door swings open.

"Jeez, is there a fire or something?"

"Where's Sean?" Manny demands.

"Not here."

"Well he has to fix her." With that said, Manny thrusts Emma into Sean's apartment, slams the door, walks three steps to her apartment, and slams that door too.

Jay looks down at the girl who was just thrown into his arms. _Oh man... that girl I saw... was... Greenpeace. Unbelievable. She looks... hot. Damn, Nelson... when the hell did she fill out. Wait, Manny and Emma live next door... and Manny wants Sean to fix her... fix her... what the hell does that mean? If Sean was dating Green, he'd surely tell me. She looks kind of nervous... but she has the slightest smile on her face... almost like she's suppressing her laugh. Her eyes are kinda bloodshot... no way..._

"Are you high?" Jay asks her, tightening his hands around her arms, trying to look at her face.

"What... me... no way..." Emma trails off, trying her hardest not to giggle, but it slips through.

"Well, I'd never thought I'd see the day." Jay smirks, still looking down at Emma, who finally looks up at him.

"Oh shut up." Emma retorts. She keeps his eyes locked on his. Something strange takes over her as her head leans up to meet Jay's. She lays her lips on his, pulling her body even closer to him. Jay adapts quickly, kissing Emma back as fiercely as when she had kissed him. Slowly his hand inches up her leg, bringing up the hem of her black vintage party dress, while his other hand holds her hip. Abruptly, Emma pulls back from the kiss, a shocked expression on her face. Jay looks down at her, a little confused as to why she stopped so suddenly.

"You okay?" He asks Emma. She still has the shocked look on her face. She takes a small step back, her hands covering her mouth.

"I c-ch-eated o-on my b-b-boy-f-friend." Emma stammers. _I can't believe I just did that, and with Jay. What was I thinking? I guess now I will learn from this mistake: no more drugs._

"I'm sure if you tell your, uh, boyfriend, he'd understand... I mean, he's probably the one who got you high." Jay tries to reassure her.

"Why does everyone assume that?" Emma asks, looking up to meet Jay's gaze.

"Because you're Greenpeace." Jay states simply. Emma looks down, totally ashamed with herself. Even Jay knew that the real Emma would never do something as stupid as drugs. "Why don't you lie down in Sean's room." Jay says to her. Emma doesn't move so Jay lightly tugs on her arm, bringing her over to Sean's bed. Reluctantly, she lays down, curling herself into a ball under the covers._ Is it me... it must be me. I let Tristan talk me into doing drugs. When have I ever given in to peer pressure? I am such an idiot. I have to talk to Tristan. I can't do this. I can't do drugs. Hopefully he'll understand that I didn't mean to kiss Jay..._


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6, part 1: This Dream Called Life**

_So much to say, today.  
Today, not the last, my endeavors change the past.  
So much happened way too early.  
She was girly.  
One month has passed.  
Afraid of coming clean, sensations but a dream, or so it seems.  
What's it like in this dream called life?_

_  
I timidly knock on Tristan's door. I shift from foot to foot as I hear footsteps approaching the door. I am surprised to see Tristan answer the door, he hardly ever does. He must have just woken up. My eyes fall back upon the porch floor, lightly swaying back and forth. "Come in babe." He says to me sweetly. I follow him inside. "I have to tell you something." I say quietly yet sternly. My eyes meet his. "Is something wrong?" Tristan asks me. I nod, "Last night, after Zack dropped me off, Manny and I got into a... argument, about me... being high." "Well, that will blow over, she shouldn't have a say in what you do." Tristan tells me, moving closer, placing his hands on my arms. "No, that's not all of it... she kicked me out of our apartment, she brought me to Sean's, but he wasn't home, his best friend was there... I... kinda kissed him." I look up at him, waiting for him to reply. He takes his hands off of me and steps backwards. "You kissed another guy." Tristan repeats. "I didn't know what I was doing, even all through out the argument with Manny I kept giggling. I'm sorry." I muster out, trying to step closer to him, but with each step I take, he takes one step back. "Are you trying to blame this on me?" Tristan asks, looking at me firmly. I shake my head, "No, no, not at all... it's my fault, but I never would have kissed Jay if I wasn't high." "And I gave you the pot, so that makes this my fault." Tristan says, his face stern, showing no emotion. "No baby, I know it is not your fault. I'm not saying that. I wanted to try it, you did not pressure me. Baby, please... Tristan, don't be mad at me." I say, almost pleading with him. "I need to relax." Tristan turns and leaves, walking up the stairs. I follow him. "Tristan, please talk to me." He picks up his bag from off his dresser and heads back down the stairs. I feel like a new puppy, pleading for a little bit of attention. Tristan takes a seat at a small round table on the back porch and begins rolling a joint. He prefers to smoke that way. I watch him as I take a seat next to him. "You want some?" Tristan asks me. I look at him, questioning how on Earth he could offer me some marijuana at this point in time. "It will make me feel better." He tells me, finally looking at me with some emotion. Tristan sighs a little. I reach my hand out to take the joint from his. If this will make him feel better, then this is what I'll do. I take a semi-long puff and pass it back to him. I sit back in my chair, ashamed of myself. I like Tristan, a lot, but drugs... Tristan finishes the joint and gets up. He kneels in front of me, placing his hands over mine. "Relaxing ain't it?" He jokes. I nod, because it is... it is relaxing... "I know you wouldn't cheat on me." "I would never." I say to him, meeting his eyes. "I'm sorry." I look back down at my hands... our hands. "I know, let's just forget about it." He says, rubbing his hands over mine. I nod, agreeing with him. He leans his face into mine, kissing me gently on the lips. That's the only place he ever kisses me. He never just kisses my cheek or my forehead. "What's wrong?" He asks me. I shake my head, "Nothing" I reply. "Well why didn't you kiss me back?" "Sorry, I was... I wasn't thinking... I got sidetracked, I still feel horrible." I tell him, hoping he doesn't get mad at me. "Well kiss me, and you will make me feel better." I lean forward, giving Tristan a kiss. He kisses me back and takes his hands off of mine, placing them on my legs. He stops, stands up, pulling me with him, and we walk into his house... to go to his bedroom... where we always are..._


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7, part 1: The Situation; part 1**

_She struggles finding self-respect  
She'll wake up feeling regret  
Her purity's been compromised  
But she knows she wants to feel beautiful_

Sean strolled in from work. He didn't mind working the night shift, probably because he didn't have a girlfriend. He headed straight for the shower. After he got out he went into his bedroom, opened his drawer, pulled out a pair of boxers and slipped them on. Sean looked up, ready to jump on his bed and fall fast asleep, but he couldn't. Someone's in my bed. He walked a little closer until he saw that it was Emma. He backed out of the room and went to Jay's.

"Why is Emma in my bed?" Sean asks, patiently awaiting a response, knowing Jay was sleeping.

"Fight, high, kissed me." Jay mumbles, rolling over onto his stomach, facing away from Sean.

"You kissed her!" Sean says, raising his voice a little higher.

"No, she kissed me." Jay says, rolling onto his back to defend himself. "Did you miss that the first time I said it?"

"I swear if--" Sean states, but Jay cuts him off.

"I didn't do anything. She kissed me, then she stopped and stammered on about cheating on her boyfriend." Jay tells Sean, looking him dead in the eye, proving to Sean that he in fact did not do anything to her.

"Okay, so why is she in my bed?" Sean asks, still confused as to why Emma isn't at her own place.

"The girls had a fight, Manny said you have to fix her." Jay replies. He looks up at Sean and smirks, "Oh yeah, she was high." Jay thinks back to the 'high Emma' and laughs quietly to himself.

"Emma was high, as in on drugs?" Sean asks, making sure he had heard him correctly.

"Yep, high as a kite, you now marijuana, pot, weed, or whatever the kids are calling it nowadays." Jay rambles on, just being a smart-ass.

Emma jolted up from her nightmare. She couldn't believe she just dreamt that. Is that what is really going to happen when I tell him? No... That can't happen... he's not like that... Emma's thoughts are interrupted by Sean coming into the room.

"You were high?!" He half exclaims, half asks. "What the hell were you thinking?" Sean looks at Emma intently, hoping she has some kind of logical answer to his question, but how the fuck is smoking weed logical?

"It was just a one time thing... I just wanted to try-" Emma couldn't muster out the rest of her sentence.

"It's that fucking boyfriend of yours, isn't it?" Sean asks, even though he already knows the answer.

"Tristan didn't force the joint into my mouth." Emma replies, keeping her voice as stern as she can.

"Tristan, he sounds like a pretty rich boy." Jay snides. Sean and Emma look at him, who is now standing in the doorway.

"Right, so all of a sudden you decided to do drugs." Sean says, turning his attention back onto Emma.

"I already got yelled at from Manny. You of all people shouldn't be judging me right now!" Emma shouts at him, pissed that he thinks he can yell at her for something like this after all the stunts he pulled growing up. She looks down at the bed covers, extremely ashamed of herself at this point in time.

"She's right." Jay starts, surprising both Sean and Emma by saying that. "She made a mistake, whether or not her pretty boy forced her to try it or not. If he didn't, then she made the mistake on her own, and must have had a reason for it; if he did put some pressure on her to try it, she let him, and in the end he is just going to treat her like shit, if he's not doing so already. Either which way, stop yelling because I want to get back to sleep." Jay turns around and heads back to his room, letting the door slam to let Sean and Emma know that they are not to yell anymore.

"I'm sorry." Emma says softly.

"Em, this isn't like you." Sean tells her, taking a seat next to her on the bed. "Promise me, no more drugs, and if you need to talk to someone, I'm here, okay?" He looks at her, but Emma doesn't look at her, she just nods her head in agreement, wondering if she should do something as childish as crossing her fingers or something. "Okay, let's get to bed." Sean says, kissing her on top of her head. The two lay down. Sean almost instantly falls asleep. Emma, however, can't seem to get back to sleep, not that she wants to have another dream like the one she had before. She rolls onto her side, facing away from Sean and the door. _Tristan doesn't treat me like shit. Jay doesn't know what he's talking about... right? Since when did Jay get all philosophical anyway? He's never been like that, not from what I've known of him, so he must hot know what he's talking about. He doesn't know anything. Tristan and I are just fine... just... fine..._

* * *

**Chapter 7, part 1: The Situation; part 2**

_She's finding love in the back of a car  
When is it too late  
Have they gone too far  
She's having trouble drawing the line  
But she knows she wants to feel beautiful_

Emma wakes up, not disturbing Sean, and heads back to her own apartment. She gently knocks on the door, not sure of what she's in for. Manny opens the door, looks at Emma, and turns around. Emma walks through the open door, closing it behind her, leaving her back against the door.

"I'm sorry." Emma states simply. "I know it was a mistake, and to prove it, I kissed Jay last night."

"Well, I'm glad you learned your lesson, and that you aren't going to do it anymore." Manny waits for Emma to tell her that she is not going to do drugs ever again.

"Nope, no more. I'm gonna call Tristan, and tell him what happened last night, and that I don't want to ever do that again." Emma says, looking Manny in the eyes. Manny nods in agreement.

"I would stay, but I have to get to the set. I'll be home around ten or so, unless it runs late. I'll text you if it does, bye." Manny grabs her stuff and hurries out the door. Emma watches as the door closes once again. She sighs as she pulls out her cell phone. It's now or never. She highlights Tristan's number and hits send.

"Hey babe, I was just about to call you, I have some news." Tristan says into the phone.

"Oh, yeah um me too." Emma says softly, a little nervous.

"Well I'm on my way over, meet me in the parking lot." Tristan says and hangs up. Bye. Emma changes out of her dress and into some pajama bottoms and a small t-shirt. She walks out of the apartment, making sure to grab her keys, and heads down the staircase. As she gets to the front doors, she can see Tristan's van in the side parking lot. Emma makes her way over, the van door opening as she steps closer.

"Get in." Tristan says, almost as if he is ordering her. Emma listens, climbing into the back, and closing the door.

"I have something to tell you, and I have to get it off my chest. I feel horrible. Last night, after Zack dropped me off, I still had a pretty good buzz. Manny found out, due to the fact that I couldn't control my laughter, and we got into a fight. She said she couldn't deal with me being high so she brought me to Sean's. Sean wasn't home, his friend Jay was though, Manny pushed me into Jay and left. I was still giggling, which pissed Manny off. Anyway, I kinda kissed Jay, but once I realized what I was doing I stopped. I swear it didn't go any farther then a kiss. I am so sorry." Emma rambles on, not looking at him until she hits the 'I'm sorry' part.

"You were high, babe, its fine, at least it was just a kiss, now if it was more, then we would have a problem." Tristan tries to laugh it off, even though inside it's bothering him that she kissed someone else. "I have to tell you that we are going on tour!" Tristan says, his voice brightening. "I'm so psyched, now we'll be gone for a couple months, but we can work long distance or whatever." Tristan looks at Emma, making her agree. "Now, during this 'time apart' your mouth better not be on anyone else's." Tristan half jokes, and Emma can hear it in his voice.

"Is this why we met in your van?" Emma asks, wondering why they couldn't have talked in her apartment.

"No, we met in the van because I didn't know if Manny was home, and I wanted to do this." Tristan leans forward, kissing her forcefully on the lips as he lays her down on the van seat. This is the reason why Tristan loves riding around in the band's van, and he couldn't wait until they hit it big and had their own tour bus. Emma kissed him back, not real keen on the idea of having sex in Tristan's van, in the parking lot of her apartment building, she would really prefer a bed, if she even wanted to really have sex in the first place. She let Tristan do as he pleased and quickly got dressed afterwards. "So we're leaving tonight, I'll call you." Tristan gave her one last kiss on the lips before letting Emma out of the van. Emma walked back to her apartment and immediately got in the shower. She couldn't think about what had just happened, she had to get to work in an hour. She took a quick shower, put her hair in a professional looking bun, held up with a clip, and slipped into a nice pair of black pants and a button down shirt. As she headed off to work, her mind was clouded by her relationship, but as soon as she entered the building, she put everything on the back burner, only caring about getting the violence march and campaign back on work.

**-------------------------[Meanwhile-------------------------**

Sean and Jay were taking turns with the shower and bathroom, and eating breakfast.

"Is that really all that happened last night... with you and Emma." Sean calls from the kitchen, forcing himself to rinse out his cereal bowl so there isn't a mess of dirty dishes like the past week.

"Yes, she kissed me, she stopped, she stammered, I put her in your room." Jay says after spitting the toothpaste out of his mouth. He rinses out his mouth, rinses off his toothbrush and puts it in the holder. "I'm done talking about it, I don't get what your deal is."

"My deal is that that's not like Emma, you remember her in high school, how much you made fun of her for being into the environment. She has always been against doing drugs. I don't think she tried pot on her own." Sean states, sighing deeply and shutting off the faucet.

"Look, it's done and over with. Greg is coming into town today so we have to get going." Jay grabs his hoodie and his keys, making Sean follow him out the door.

* * *

**Chapter 7, part 1: The Situation; part 3**

_He'll trade her heart  
For a trophy  
Put it on the shelf  
So his friends can see  
He has what it takes to get what he wants  
Tonight's the night  
Suck it up and be a man_

Tristan loves being on tour. The entire band, Operation: Jealousy, is extremely ecstatic that they have a chance to open for Yellowcard and Sum 41. There was one thing he didn't bother telling Emma: the girls, Sam, Jes, and Alison, were going with them. He felt that he shouldn't tell her, he didn't want to ruin any good time he could have by worrying about Emma. The band, Tristan, Zack, Nick, Matt, and Robby all took turns driving, allowing each to have a... good... time during the drive to their first show. The good time involved: smoking, drinking, and sexual activities, which was the point in having the girls come. You are not a rock band unless you have groupies. The guy who did most of the driving was Zack, the lead singer, he wasn't really into the whole groupie scene. He actually never had sex with any of the three girls, the only one in the band who hasn't. Zack is a wholesome guy, doesn't drink too much, doesn't do drugs, and has never cheated on any of his girlfriends. He knew that Nick, Matt, and Robby didn't have 'girlfriends', not committed ones anyway, but Tristan did, Tristan had Emma. Zack thinks Emma is amazing, the two [meaning Emma and Tristan never argue, she doesn't get mad at him for drinking or being high all the time. He didn't think Tristan should walk all over her when she has treated him so great.

"Dude, do you think you should be fooling around and shit?" Zack asks Tristan, looking at him through the rear view mirror.

"I haven't done anything yet." Tristan replies, making eye contact through the mirror.

"Are you saying you are?" Zack grips the steering wheel a little tighter.

"I don't know, depends on how well things go." Tristan says with a smirk on his face.

"Emma's a good catch, you think you should do that to her?" Zack looks at the road before looking back up in the mirror.

"Emma's great, but I'm not there, and a man has his needs." Tristan states, shrugging his shoulders.

"Damn right!" Robby shouts from the back of the van, removing his mouth from Alison's neck.

Zack dropped the subject, not sure how to move on from there. It didn't make any sense. Well, maybe it did, apparently Tristan just doesn't love, or care about Emma enough to not cheat on her.

**-------------------------[Meanwhile, back in Toronto-------------------------**

Emma has been trying to not look at her phone. Tristan said he would call, but he hasn't yet. It hasn't been that long though, only a day and a half, and Tristan didn't say when he would call.

"Are you just going to sit home all day, staring at your phone?" Manny asks as she comes out of the bathroom, towel drying her hair.

"I'm not staring at my phone. I am working." Emma states matter-of-factly, showing Manny the work she had laid out in front of her.

"Why don't you come to the party with me." Manny says as she picks through her closet, trying to find the perfect outfit.

"It's your movie premier, with your movie friends, and I have a ton of work to do." Emma replies, trying to make it seem like she is actually working on her campaign.

"Oh come on, come with me, that way I can show you off, and you can meet my movie friends, and you won't be here... alone... staring at your phone." Manny says, already handing Emma an outfit.

"I thought you were supposed to be getting dressed." Emma semi-asks Manny, looking at her, still in her towel.

"You're easier to dress, nothing looks right on me." Manny states, turning her attention back to the closet.

"Yeah, okay." Emma replies, rolling her eyes. _She is much more beautiful then I am, which is why she's the actress, and I work behind a desk_. Emma gets dressed, as well as Manny, after another half hour of deliberation. "Is it just us going?" Emma asks, smoothing out the dress Manny gave her to put on.

"No, Sean and Jay are coming. We're gonna ride with them. I figure it's always good to have a guy with you, you know just in case." Manny states, straightening her just-straightened hair again. Emma nods in agreement and waits on Manny. "Okay, let's go meet the guys." Manny grabs her small purse and heads out the door, Emma following behind. She knocks on Sean's door, which Sean opens. "You couldn't even change?" Manny asks him.

"I'm not getting dressed up, I like my jeans and a t-shirt." Sean replies. Jay shows up behind him, wearing his everyday clothes as well. Manny half-heartedly rolls her eyes. She enjoys picking on them, but doesn't mean anything by it. The four walk down to the car and drive to the party. Manny introduced them to a few people as she made the rounds. Then the four pretty much went separate ways, Jay and Sean talked with some of the guys, Manny started dancing with her co-star, and Emma was by the refreshments table, checking her cell phone, that didn't have any missed calls on it.

"Hey." Some guy says to Emma, looking her up and down, then leaving his eyes on her chest. Emma looked down, realizing what the dress Manny made her wear did to her boobs.

"Um, hi." Emma replies cautiously, folding her arms across her chest.

"Why don't we go somewhere." The guy states, motioning with his head that they should leave the party.

"Um, no thanks." Emma says, keeping her voice simple.

"Come on, we'll have fun." He says back to her.

"I'm pretty sure I heard her say no." Jay states, appearing behind the guy. The guy looks at Jay and walks away.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8, part 1: Anticonformity**

_It's all around  
Pressure from my so-called friends  
It's all around  
I'm measured by some stupid trend  
It's all around  
Everyone is just like them_

"Thanks," Emma tells Jay, subconsciously rubbing her hand up and down her other arm. Jay just nods, not too sure what to say to her. "You think Manny will get mad if I leave?" Emma asks aloud, not quite sure if she is looking to Jay to make the decision for her.

"Just tell her you want to go." Jay shrugs, apparently not knowing the full wrath of Manny. The two make their way to her, mingling with a group of guys.

"Hey, Manny, I'm gonna head home." Emma says, patiently waiting until she receives Manny's full attention.

"Already? It's only ten." Manny says, a frown quickly forming on her lips.

"I'm just not feeling too great; I'll see you at home." Emma replies, ready to walk away.

"You better not go home and sulk, or watch you phone." Manny tells her before letting Emma proceed away from the party. Jay walks with her.

"You want me to walk home with you?" He asks, a little cautiously.

"Um, I don't want you to leave early if you don't want to." Emma says, not wanting Jay to leave, yet not too keen on walking the half hour or so back to the apartment by herself.

"Nah, come on." Jay motions, already stepping out of the double doors to the sidewalk. They walk for a couple blocks, but Jay can't keep with the silence. "So, what did Manny mean back there?" Jay looks at Emma for a moment before returning it back to the street ahead.

"She thinks I'm doing nothing but waiting for Tristan to call me." Emma answers semi-honestly, not wanting to seem like a total dork.

"Why are you waiting on him?" Jay looks at her for another moment, studying the expression of her face.

"He left for a tour a couple days ago, he said he'd call, but he hasn't yet." Emma replies, trying not to dwell on it. She felt like she was back in high school.

"Oh... how'd he take the whole 'being high and kissing me' thing?" Jay asks, a little smirk appearing on his lips. He didn't turn to look at Emma's expression this time.

"Um... I'm not really sure; we didn't really talk for that long." Emma tells him. She looks down at the ground as she walks, remembering back to the time in the van...

"Ok, spare me the details." Jay half-kids, but is serious. _Greenpeace having sex is still too weird for me to grasp. Maybe I should call her Emma..._

"Oh, sorry, I didn't mean for it to sound like that." Emma assures him, not at all comfortable talking about her sex life. She quickly thinks of something to change the subject. "So, I haven't seen you since high school, what have you been up to?"

"I, um, had to get away from here, so I did." Jay pauses, not quite sure how much of his past he should relive. "I started fresh... I grew up." He says basically.

"You, growing up... not something I would have pictured a couple years back." Emma jokes, trying to lighten up the situation. "What made you come back here?

"Um, my mother passed away... I came back for her funeral." Jay slightly nods, not comfortable talking about his mother.

"I'm so sorry." Emma looks at him with sincerity filling her eyes. Jay meets them; nodding to tell her it's okay. "How long are you staying for?" She asks, her voice softening a bit.

"I'm not too sure. I don't know if I can handle this place anymore. I'm opening up a new garage my boss just bought, Tony's old one, where Sean and I worked back in the day. Once it's all set up, the decision to stay or go is mine to make." Jay tells her, removing his eyes from hers.

"You seem like you turned out alright." Emma thinks back to how Jay used to be, and watches him now.

"Yeah, I changed some... I needed to. You still seem like Greenpeace, minus the whole being high thing." Jay concludes, reliving that night, hiding the smile that wants to be on his lips.

"Yeah, I think I've finally hit my identity struggle, but I'm only twenty, I still have time to live." Emma declares, more for herself then for Jay

"I'm not going to say anything to you about doing drugs, because honestly, my first night back, after attending the funeral, I took ecstasy, to get out of the moment I was in, but you, you shouldn't do it unless you want to do it." Jay says, meeting her eyes with the last of his statement.

"Tell me what happened when you left here." Emma tells him as they reached their apartments. She looks up at him, hoping he'll say yes.

"I'm not really into the whole chick talk thing." Jay laughs, "That's one thing that hasn't changed about me."

"Please?" Emma looks him at him, deeper into his eyes. He nods reluctantly. "Cool, let's talk at Sean's." Emma and Jay walk into his and Sean's place.

* * *

**Chapter 8, part 2: The Way to Begin**

_Frustrated  
Irritated  
Disconnected from it all  
The weight of the world  
Has pushed me to the wall_

Jay sits on the couch, getting himself comfortable. "So how does this talking thing work?" Jay half jokes. Emma sits on the other end of the couch and lets out a small smile.

"What did you do after you left Toronto?" Emma asks sincerely, truly wanting to know how and why Jay changed so much since high school.

"Ok... I had to get away from here, away from the Degrassi scene, so I moved... I started living near Quebec." Jay starts, unsure of how the whole 'chick talk' process works. "I've never told anyone this, well besides Greg, my boss, who only knows because I was working for him. You cannot tell anyone." Jay turns to her, watching Emma nod, zip her lips and throw away the key. A tiny smile forms at the corner of Jay's mouth. "I was working for Greg, at his auto body shop, and I went to a vocational school. I have my G.E.D., and I got a degree in mechanics, along with machine shop... and business." Jay stops talking for a second, expecting Emma to laugh or something.

"That's really cool, you know, how fast you were able to turn your life around." Emma states, not laughing at all.

"It wasn't easy; it was really, really hard. It took me all four years to get through school. Leaving some of my habits was a bit easier though, like the gang, since I wasn't around it anymore." Jay drew a short breath. "Some habits are extremely hard to break."

"Yeah... they are." Emma says, her voice soft, thinking of all her past relationships, and how hers and Tristan's relationship is the same way. Emma has a pattern, and she knew that this relationship with Tristan would not end well, if it does end.

"So... how have you been holding up since high school?" Jay asks, not sure what else to say.

"Um, actually we have something in common." Emma looks up at him, meeting his eyes. "I had to get away too. I moved away from here, went to a college where I knew no one, and I just recently moved back." She concludes, letting her eyes fall down to the couch.

"Never thought we'd share anything in common." He thinks for a second. "Well besides Sean." Jay concludes, laughing slightly. The fact that Sean was both his and Emma's friends were the only reason the two ever collided.

"Sean... yeah, he's changed a bit too since high school." Emma replies, nodding her head a bit. She begins fiddling with her fingers.

"How come you two aren't together?" Jay wonders. The two always seemed like that would be that 'high school sweetheart' type.

"He went to the army, I moved away, and being friends just clicked for us. I mean how many more times can we get together and break up?" Emma jokes a tid-bit. "Relationships really aren't my strong point." She stares off, looking deep into the rug, like something was going to pop out at her.

"Really? You always seem to be in one." Jay says, looking at her for a quick moment.

"I, um, don't really know. I guess I just need someone... to... I don't know, I know it sounds stupid." Emma stops talking, unable to complete her sentence.

"No you don't, I get it. That's how Alex and I were, well are, we are still tight as ever." Jay sinks a little into the sofa, changing his position a little.

"Is she the last 'relationship' you had. I don't mean to be nosy or anything, but you said you broke your habits..." Emma turned her attention completely away from Jay.

"Actually, she's not." Jay looks towards Emma, and then turns his face away from her. "I 'dated' a girl named Jackie for awhile, almost a year or so, but I guess it just wasn't 'it', or whatever."

Emma moves closer to Jay, now turning her body to face him. "Was it like a real relationship, you know, with things going both ways?"

"I guess so. We both went to school, and we both worked so we didn't get to spend a whole lot of time together, but she wasn't like... girls I used to hookup with... she wasn't a ravine girl. She was the first girl to... cheat on me. She said I was choosing school and work over her or something like that. I guess that's true though, I worked a lot, still do." Jay finishes, looking at Emma's slightly shocked expression.

"Wow, I mean that's not, like a happy thing, but-." Emma stops, fully occupied with Tristan. Almost three days and not even a call or a text to say he got there safe. Suddenly, her purse started to vibrate across the coffee table. She opened it up, taking out her phone. A small smile spreading across her face. "Hello?" Emma asks, happy to see the name flash across her caller ID.

"Hey Emma, its Zack."

"Oh, hi, what's up?" Emma asks, her voice slightly gaining a hint of disappointment.

"Not much, I just... wanted to call you... to let you know we got here okay..." Zack trails off. "Tristan's been... kinda living it up... with the whole tour thing... he's still in his psyched mood... you know, non stop band talk..." He trails off again, unsure how much information he should tell her.

"Oh, thanks, I really appreciate it. I hope you guys do great, I know you will. Tell Tristan I said hi or something." Emma says, her voice getting softer as she gets to her last sentence.

"Will do... I'll try to get Tristan to call you... or something. Bye." Zack hangs up. Emma closes her phone, putting it back into her bag. She leans, with her side against the back of the sofa. Jay watches the disappointment in her facial expression deepen as she sighs and closes her eyes.

"You okay?" He asks, trying to hide the little bit of concern he has for hers and Tristan's relationship.

"I'm fine..." Emma opens her eyes. "He could at least call though... I'm not really expecting anything. I would have just liked to know he got there or something."

"Well, that was that call, right?" Jay asks, unaware that Tristan has not talked to her in a while.

"That was Zack, the singer, telling me that the band got there okay, and that Tristan's... living it up, as he put it. What does that mean?" Emma looks up to Jay, searching for an answer.

"I'm not really sure." Jay replies, deciding that he should lie to her. He knows what 'living it up' means, and Emma definitely doesn't want to hear the definition. "Don't sweat the long distance thing. If you dwell on it, whatever happens is going to impale you." Jay tells her.

"I guess you're right." Emma sits up. "Sorry for bothering you, but thanks for talking to me. I'm gonna back to my place to catch some sleep. I'll see you tomorrow?" She looks at him again, wondering where that question came from. Jay nods, standing up with her and opening the door for her. Emma gives him a half smile and walks into her own apartment.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9, part 1: Sorrow**

_Left alone with only reflections of the memory  
To face the ugly girl that's smothering me  
Sitting closer than my pai  
He knew each tear before it came  
Soon He will perforate the fabric of the peaceful by and by_

Emma glanced down at the newspaper/magazine, wishing that Manny hadn't subscribed to it. How could he do this? Why would he do this to me? Emma stared blankly at the front page. Tristan and some girl on the cover, kissing. The headline read: Operation: Jealousy's a hit & keeping with the rock life, underneath that it said: A glimpse of rock n' roll life, the band parties with their new groupies. _Not very clever_... Emma put the paper down on the counter, uncertain of the emotions running through her body. She felt... blank, like she couldn't be angry, or upset, or anything... she couldn't grasp it. She lifted her head up from the picture when her phone started ringing. She sighed when she saw who was calling her.

"Hello?" She asked, keeping her tone emotionless.

"Hey, I take it that you seen the picture." Zack says, a little softly.

"Yep" Emma replies, not wanting to talk about it.

"For what it's worth, I'm sorry." He tells her sincerely.

"You have a really good heart, don't let the band corrupt you." Emma half-whispers, not able to keep her voice strong. She removes her cell phone from her ear and presses end. She stares at the phone, sighing again when she hears a knock on the door. Emma doesn't bothering yelling that it's open, or walking over to open the door herself. Instead, the door opens on its own. Emma looks over to see who's coming in.

"Hey" Jay says, closing the door behind him. Emma gives him a slight nod, acknowledging that she hears him. "I'm, um, sorry about the picture in the paper thing. I figured you would have a cheer up crew here." Jay half-jokes, trying to get Emma to smile or something.

"Manny is at her movie thing, working on her new role, and I don't know where Sean is." Emma replies, still not able to get her voice into a strong tone. "I have a bunch of stuff to do for work, so I have to go." Emma starts gathering up her things, determined not to deal with her current Tristan issue.

"Emma, --" Jay starts, getting interrupted.

"No," She states firmly. "I have things to do."

"What do you have to do?" Jay asks, trying to find out if she's just making excuses, or she really has work related things to do.

"I have a couple errands to run, and I have to go shopping for a new outfit for work." Emma tells him, knowing that he asked to know if she was just making excuses.

"Why do you need a new outfit for work?" He asks, determined to keep the conversation going.

"You really don't want to know, so please don't ask." Emma looks at him in the eyes, keeping her expression emotionless.

"I thought we spent all these weeks trying to be friends?" Jay asks, pretending to be hurt by her statement. Emma sighed, it was true, they had become 'friends', sort of. They hung out, they talked, they went out, usually with Sean and Manny, and the four of them were getting along great.

"I'm sorry..." Emma tells him, "But do you really want to spend the afternoon shopping with me? Don't you have to work or something?"

"I'm waiting on Greg to fax me some papers and stuff back, so no, I don't have work, and sure, I'll go shopping with you." Jay half-smirks, trying to keep it to himself.

"One thing that hasn't changed about you, Jay Hogart, is that you are still a perv." Emma slightly laughs. "If you want to come along, then let's go." The two walked out of her apartment. They got the errands out of the way; dropping things off, picking random stuff up. The two reached the mall. Jay tried to keep up with Emma's brisk pace. They were in and out of stores, Emma searching for something, thinking that when she saw it, she would know it. She bought a couple pairs of pinstripe, plaid, and button pants, along with a couple tunics, and button down blouses, but was still searching for 'that' outfit.

"What is for that you have to find this 'perfect' outfit?" Jay asks, watching Emma shift through the racks.

"I have this evening dinner to go to for the violence campaign that I just finished. My boss was thrilled with how well it went, even after I had to redo a ton of work, and she wants me to go on behalf of the company. I am totally stressing here, there is nothing that looks good on me." Emma sighs, frustrated that she can't seem to find anything that's appropriate. Emma grabs a couple dresses that seem okay and walks towards the dressing room. "I'll be quick, I highly doubt that any of these will look okay on me." Emma says to Jay. Each time she gets one on, she comes out and looks at Jay, then she makes a face after looking at the mirror, and goes back into the dressing room. Emma put on the last dress, she looked at herself in the dressing room mirror for a while before slowly opening the door.

"Wow." Jay whispers to himself, watching Emma fully step out of the dressing room. She is in a gold metallic halter dress. It has a twist detail under the bust and it clings to her body shape. The dress goes straight down her thighs, and flares a little bit at the bottom. The back of the dress covers enough of her back to make it appealing, but not seem slutty. Emma turns back and forth, looking at the front of the dress, and then the back.

"It's too short." Emma complains out loud, annoyed that she can't find a dress that's appropriate enough for the dinner. Emma tried to pull it down, but truthfully, the dress was only about three inches above her knee, completely covering her thigh.

"It's perfect." Jay tells her. As she turns to face him, the fluorescent lights in the store catch the metallic sparkles in the dress, making Emma's hazel eyes shine.

"You think so?" Emma looks at Jay, hope in her eyes that she found 'the' dress. Jay nods his head yes. She gives him a warm smile and goes back into the dressing room to put her regular clothes back on. Emma paid for the dress and the two walked out of the store. "You want ice cream? My treat." Emma turns her attention to him, tilting her head a little, wondering why he has that zoned out look in his eyes.

"No, I'll pay." Jay says. Emma opens her mouth to protest, but Jay doesn't let her speak. He walks closer to the ice cream place, with Emma following behind him. "I'll have a small twist with chocolate sprinkles." Jay tells the person standing behind the counter. "Em, what do you want?"

"Um..." She looks at all the signs. "I want a small vanilla with chocolate sauce please." Emma goes to take out her money, but gets stopped by Jay. The lady behind the counter hands them their cones and Jay pays. "I said my treat." Emma says before taking a lick of her ice cream.

"I think you spent enough money today." Jay points towards the two shopping bags in Emma's hands, which doesn't seem like a lot, but it is.

"Can I have a taste of yours?" Emma asks, stilling licking away at her own ice cream.

"You have your own."

"Please, just one lick." Emma pouts at him, so he holds the cone in front of her, watching Emma's tongue scoop up some ice cream. She wipes her lip as a chocolate sprinkle falls. "Switch with me."

"Why?"

"I want yours."

"Then why didn't you order the same thing as me?" Jay takes another mouthful of ice cream.

"Just switch with me, for a little." Emma holds her ice cream out to him. Jay switches with her, adapting to the different taste of the ice cream. The two walk and eat their ice cream, talking about things they pass by in the store windows. Just before Jay gets to the cone of Emma's ice cream, she holds his out to him. "Okay, switch back." Emma took her ice cream back, enjoying the time she was having. The two finish their ice cream and just walk along, heading towards the exit. Emma teases Jay playfully, pushing into his side a little. Jay does it back, causing Emma to retaliate. Just as they step foot outside Jay picks Emma up, throwing him over his shoulder.

"What did you say?" Jay asks, a playful grin appearing on his face, although Emma couldn't see it.

"You can be my new shopping buddy, I can totally girl you up." Emma laughs, amused that he just basically threw her over his shoulder like she was a kid.

"Take it back." Jay demands, slowly starting to spin around as he walked towards her car.

"What are we five? Put me down." Emma demands, not really meaning it.

"Take it back." He repeats, spinning a little faster.

"You're going to make me throw up my ice cream." Emma exclaims, laughter still in her voice. Jay gets to the trunk of the car, and continues to spin around. Emma, unable to handle the spinning and her laughter, finally takes it back. "Okay, okay, I take it back, you are not girly!" Emma giggles as Jay puts her down, the two of them a little dizzy. Emma leans into Jay, resting her hands on his chest as her head slowly stops spinning. Jay looks down at her, letting her eyes meet his.

* * *

**Chapter 9, part 2: Breathe Today**

_So many lies swirling,  
All around you,  
You're suffocating,  
The empty shape in you,  
Steals your breath,  
You're suffocating._

Emma felt as if the world had stopped moving, like her and Jay were the only ones in the parking lot, she felt like she was in a movie. The loud ringing made her jump and advert her eyes from Jay's. Jay let his hands fall from her back, which he left there when he put her down. Emma quickly tried to answer her phone, not bothering to check the caller ID.

"Hello?" Emma asks, a little uncertain, about both who was calling her, and what just happened between her and Jay.

"Em, hey..." Tristan talks coolly. Emma sighs and motions for Jay to get into the car. Emma pops her trunk, tossing her shopping bags in.

"Tristan." Emma says, emotionless. Jay almost cringes at the mention of his name, of course the 'boyfriend' ruined the moment.

"I can only assume that you saw the picture."

"Of course I saw it; it was on the front page." Emma says, slightly slamming the driver side door as she gets into the car.

"Babe, don't be mad. It happened after a show; a fan got a little excited and kissed me." Tristan tells her. The tone of his voice only suggests that Emma is overreacting.

"Yeah, I get it." Emma puts the key into the ignition. "Look, I'm kinda busy-"

"What are you doing? You don't have time to talk, we haven't since I left." Tristan cuts her off.

"I'm doing stuff for work, and the reason we haven't talked is because you haven't called me." Emma replies, shifting the blame.

"I've been busy with the band." Tristan retaliates, justifying his non-boyfriend behavior.

"Yep, the band... Zack has found the time to call me three or four times." Emma states, not changing or even raising her tone.

"Who are you with?" He asks, changing the subject.

"What do you mean 'who am I with'?" Emma asks, agitated by his insinuation.

"You have to be with someone if you're trying to get me off the phone. Manny or Sean maybe, I know they don't agree with us."

"Leave them out of this. I don't want to argue anymore. I am running errands for work. Have fun with your front page groupie." Emma removes her phone from her ear and presses end. She takes a deep breath, closing her eyes. Jay startles her by placing his hand on her arm.

"Maybe I should drive." Jay says, trying to keep his voice low. Emma nods her head in agreement, and switches seats with Jay. He drives back to their apartment building. Emma grabs her bags from the trunk and her keys from Jay. They get to their floor, neither of them speaking until they reached their doors. "Look, for what it's worth, he's being an asshole, so don't think about it so much." Jay tells her. She nods her head a bit, trying not to think about hers and Tristan's phone conversation. "I have to stop at the garage to see if Greg sent the papers back, how about you ride with and we'll get some dinner." Jay bargains, trying to get her mind off of Tristan.

"Yeah, okay, just let me put my bags away." Emma walks into her apartment to put her things away. Jay watches her; incredibly annoyed that Tristan interrupted whatever it was that was happening with him and Emma back at the mall_. I know that if he wouldn't have called that we would have kissed. Damn 'boyfriend', why'd he have to call at that moment?_ Emma came back out, disturbing Jay's rant about Tristan. "Okay, let's go."

With that said, Jay and Emma spent the rest of the night trying not to think about Tristan. Jay felt like Emma was letting him back in. Maybe he would get his chance to kiss her.

"So, how long do you plan on staying here for?" Emma asks, digging her fork into her Caesar salad.

"I don't know, the shop isn't off the ground yet, I guess I won't know until we see how business does." Jay replies, still unsure of his plans. The two continue with the small talk, with anything random that pops into their heads. Jay drives them back home, giving Emma a piggy back ride up to their doors.

"Can you remind Sean that he promised to take me to that dinner thing?" Emma asks Jay, gently sliding off his back.

"Yeah, no problem." Jay turns around to face her, not realizing she was so close to him, he almost knocked her over. "Sorry, I didn't know you were right behind me." Jay tells her, catching her with one hand and leaving it on her waist as she straightened herself out.

"My fault." Emma almost whispers, looking up to meet Jay's eyes. An overwhelming feeling began to empower her. She thought about Tristan, all the time they spent together, but then she began to think about the few weeks she's spent with Jay. Emma's head began to inch closer to Jay's, but suddenly she remembered Tristan, and even if he did cheat on her. She couldn't do it to him, it wouldn't be right, and Emma had to believe that he wouldn't do it to her. After all, Tristan could be telling the truth. "I'm sorry, I can't... I'll see you tomorrow." Her voice is soft, almost straining to tell Jay that, when her lips wanted to feel his. She took a step back, unlocked her door, and entered her apartment. _So close... I was so close. Fuck Tristan, I have to get her to realize he IS cheating on her._


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10, part 1: These Nights Are Long**

_Your alone  
The nights are long as long as I think of you (think of you)  
She's good at making love but she ain't you (you)  
The nights are long as long as I think of you (think of you)  
She's good at making love but she ain't you_

Zack sighed as he focused his eyes on the road once again. He was always the designated driver, due to the fact that he didn't do drugs, or get wasted nearly as much as they did. It surprised him that Tristan, to his knowledge anyway, hadn't been with any more girls, or he was smart enough to stop flaunting them in front of both him, and the camera. Tristan confronted Zack about talking to Emma, but that was all it was, the talk got nowhere, and of course Zack talked his way out of it... Speaking of which... Zack fished for his cell phone...

"Hey." An almost cheerful voice said into the phone. "How's the tour going?"

"Pretty good actually. How are you?" Zack asks, keeping his voice semi-low, even though the rest of the band is hung over and in a deep sleep.

"Swamped with work, I've been keeping myself busy, plus classes are starting." Emma tells his, wondering how she could talk to Zack so easily.

"You wouldn't happen to be keeping your mind busy for a particular reason, would you?" Zack asks, already knowing the answer.

"Yeah, maybe a little. Did he tell you he called?" Zack can hear the disappointment reaching her tone.

"Nope."

"Well, he did, and he acted like a jerk, but I get it. The whole band thing, being on the road, and whatnot, it's the rock star life." Emma says, trying to convince herself as she tells Zack.

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean he has to cheat on you." Zack replies, not wanting Emma to fall for any of Tristan's shit.

"Well, he was in the right, because when I got high with him, I was so buzzed I sorta kissed one of my friends." Emma tells, curious to what Zack thought of the situation.

"You kissed someone else, Tristan had sex with someone else, that is a big difference. Plus, Tristan got you high, and let you go home still feeling it." Zack reasons, knowing how persuasive Tristan can be.

"Maybe, I don't know..." Emma stops, not sure what she wants to say, or even what she thinks about the situation.

"Oh, shit, I have to go, but I'll call you soon. Have a good day, Em." Zack hangs up quickly, as he saw Matt stir on the back of the van. He hoped no one heard the conversation he had just had.

**-------------------------[Meanwhile----------------------------**

Jay sat at 'his' desk in the office of Tony's old garage, still feeling a little weird calling it his own, well it was almost his own. He and Greg had been doing business together for almost five years or so. Jay went back to the papers in front of him, placing orders, and running advertisement. He hated the phone part of his job, dealing with people, stupid people, very stupid people. Jay looked up to a light knock on the open door.

"Yo, I brought the things by you needed. I got them for a bargain." Sean states, putting the boxes on one of the chairs inside the office.

"Thanks." Jay doesn't look up from the paperwork he's filling out. He gets ready to pick up the phone to place another order when he remembers something Emma told him. "Oh, Emma said that you promised to take her to that dinner thing Friday night." Jay looks up at Sean for the first time.

"Friday, this Friday, as in tomorrow?" Sean asks. He totally forgot, he's been so busy with work, and with helping Jay so he can get a better job, not to mention he has to go in for army training soon.

"Friday's tomorrow?" Jay's surprised. "Oh, shit. I have to get these to the advertising company by six. Fax number, fax number, here it is." Jay pulls a slip of paper out and gathers together all the papers he needs to send the company. He continues mumbling to himself, unaware of Sean's current issue. Sean had pulled out his cell, trying to call Emma.

"Hi Sean, I haven't seen you in a day and a half, what's going on?" Emma asks.

"Em, please don't kill me. I've been working like crazy, and I have to go down to the Army base this weekend-"

"No, Sean, don't do this to me." Emma cuts him off.

"Is there someone else that can take you Friday?" Sean asks, sympathy in his voice.

"Sean, even if I could get someone from the band, they are all away. I can't go by myself Sean, I need you."

"I know, I'm sorry." Sean stops, he looks at Jay. "I know someone who can take you."

"Sean, this better not be some game."

"Jay." Sean states, simply and fast. Jay turns around, thinking he was just calling his name. "Jay should be able to go with you." Sean looks at him for an approving look, but Jay looks at him questioningly, and then a wary look.

"Can he really?" Emma asks, hopeful. She doesn't want to go by herself.

"I'm sure he will take you, since I can't. You two are friends, and I know how scared you are about going by yourself." He keeps strong eye contact with Jay, doing his best to guilt Jay into saying yes.

"I'm not scared." Emma says, and then contemplates. "Okay, maybe a little, but I'm only scared about giving the speech, and the guys. I don't want to be hit on all night."

"I know you don't want to be hit on all night, and I would love to be your 'boyfriend' again, but ..." Sean looks at Jay, strongly as he emphasizes the word boyfriend. Jay finally nods, intrigued by being able to play the 'boyfriend' card. "He will take you, I promise."

"Thank you Sean, and please thank Jay for me."

"Sure I will, bye Em." Sean and Emma hung up with each other. Jay and Sean made eye contact again. "I owe you..." Sean trails off before deciding to say what's on his mind. "If you do anything to her, I will kill you." Sean looks at him, a firm expression on his face. Jay looks up at him with an 'I'm-not-stupid' look.

* * *

**Chapter 10, part 2: I Can't Stop This Feeling I've Got**

_I can't stop this feeling I've got,  
I know who I am and I know what I'm not,  
I know where I've been and I know what I've lost  
But I cant stop this feeling I've got_

Jay caught his breath as Emma opened up her apartment door. She was wearing that dress, that gold metallic halter dress, and she looked incredible.

"Hey, thanks so much for accompanying me." Emma says sweetly, closing her door behind her. The two started walking down to Jay's car.

"No problem. What do I have to do tonight?" He opens the car door for her, and gets in on his own side.

"Not much, just calm my nerves, pretend that you actually like me." A smile appears on Emma's face.

"Oh, well that's going to take a lot of work." Jay jokes, but keeps himself from grinning. Emma punches his arm. "Hey, I'm driving here; we could've swerved off the road." Now smirking, Jay takes a quick look at Emma.

"Good, then I wouldn't have to go to this stupid thing." Emma's smile begins to dim. "I can't do this. Why do I have to do this?"

"Of course you can do this. You've been doing the whole protest thing since high school. You'll do great, plus the speech thing only has to be a minute or so." Jay give Emma the most sincere smile he can manage, trying the whole 'sincere' thing. Emma gave him a small smile, trying to push her fears out of the way. What was really bothering her was that she wished her real boyfriend was with her, but Tristan didn't even know what she did for a living, even though she's talked about work a million times. "You ready to go in?" Jay asks, interrupting her thoughts. She looked around, they were here... great. Emma nodded, her head, already opening up the car door. She stepped out, Jay appeared at her side of the car, and closed the door for it. Jay placed his hand on the small of her back, slowly walking at her pace, and sort of having to push her along. They entered the big hotel, decorated in bright lights and flowers. Immediately they were greeted by co-workers and supporters of the cause. Emma and Jay smiled politely, occasionally jumping into some small talk. "I need a drink."

"Jay, we just got here." Emma tells him, looking at him with wide eyes.

"I won't get drunk, just a drink or two." Jay looks at her with soft eyes. She nods her head, realizing she has no right to tell him what to do. Jay walks off to the bar. Emma looks around, a little surprised at the amount of people there.

"Emma Nelson, how are you?" Jeff asks, approaching her, giving her a little hug.

"Um, okay, how are you?" She asks Jeff, the manager of one of the violence groups.

"Good, great turn out. You do amazing work." He tells her, inching a little closer to her.

"Thanks, but I wouldn't be anywhere without all the people in this room." She replies. Jeff takes another step closer to her, intruding her personal space.

"You look gorgeous. Are you here by yourself?" The flirtatious tone in Jeff's voice sends a weird vibe through Emma.

"No." Emma and Jeff turn to see who had said that. There stands Jay. "Sorry I took so long, here's your drink." Jay says, moving Jeff out of the way to get closer to Emma. Jeff walks away.

"Jay, I don't think I should be-"

"It's club soda." Jay says, putting his beer to his lips. Emma nods, taking a sip of her drink as well.

"Thanks for-"

"No problem."

"Stop cutting me off." Emma says, a little smirk playing on her face. Jay gives her a little smirk back, but then Emma's diminishes. Everyone is told to take their seats. Emma and Jay find their table. She dreads having to stand up there and give her speech. Why am I so scared over this? I've done this sort of thing a million times. No, I haven't. Not like this, not with all this weight on me, not with me in the spotlight. I am not in the spotlight; I don't do well with all that attention, that's for Manny. Why can't I be more like Manny?

"Emma, you got to go up there." Jay whispers to her. Slowly, Emma stands, ready to just get it all over with.

"I want to thank you all for being here tonight." Emma starts, she swallows, "One in three women end up being in an abusive relationship. An even bigger percentage of those women have an incredibly hard time getting out of the relationship. The march that you have supported and/or participated in brought in one hundred thousand dollars. You should all be extremely proud of yourselves. I would now like to introduce you to a few women who have been in an abusive relationship..." Emma introduced the girls, giving them each a hug, and sat on the side of the stage, giving them support. Finally, it was over, Emma walked back over to the table Jay sat at.

"See, that wasn't so bad." Jay stands as she approaches him.

"Yeah, yeah. So we eat and then we leave." Emma tells him, wanting to get this night over with.

"Well-- Oh, here comes that guy, come here." Jay sees Jeff looking at them. Emma moves closer to him, Jay places one arm around her and kisses her cheek. "He looks like a freak." Jay whispers into her ear, making her laugh. She looks up at him.

"Thank you." She gives him a small peck on his cheek. She stopped herself from doing anything more. Her feelings were buzzing around, and she was so confused. How can she be falling for Jay?


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11, part 1: Drug song**

_I wake up and every single day  
People make me sick and get in my way.  
So you take a load of and you smoke a little pot,  
I drink Robitussin and drink alcohol a lot._

Emma timidly knocked on Tristan's door. The band was finally back from tour, a whole two months later. She was surprised when Zack answered the door. Usually they made one of the girls answer it, but maybe they weren't over.

"Em, hey." Zack gives her a slight hug.

"How was touring?" Emma asks, giving him a slight hug back.

"Sum 41 is so cool, the guys are down to earth, and hanging with them was a blast." Zack let Emma step inside and the two walked into the living room. "Oh, I should mention-"

"Babe." Tristan looks up at her for a split second before taking another toke from his bong.

"Hi." Emma stays in the doorway, suddenly not wanting to be here now.

"Let's go upstairs." Tristan took Emma's hand and pulled her behind him as he walked up the stair case. Emma looked back at Zack, who was giving her a sympathetic look. As soon as they got inside his doorway, Tristan planted his lips on Emma's. She pushed him away.

"Ugh, Tristan you taste gross." Emma made a slightly sour face because of his pot tasting breath. "Well, then smoke up too and you won't taste it."

"I don't want to smoke up Tristan." Emma mocks him.

"Well, then deal with it." Tristan kisses her once again, pushing her towards the bed. Emma was able to push his face away from hers slightly.

"Tristan, stop." Emma manages to say.

"We haven't seen each other in two months, so can you just do this?" Tristan says, not really asking her.

"Its not like you went two whole months without having sex, you had groupies in every city you stopped in." Emma replies to him, annoyed that he barely even said hi to her before mauling her.

"They were just groupies, you are my girl, come on Babe, stop being so uptight." Tristan shrugs it off, as if he has done nothing wrong.

"I'm not being uptight." Defending herself, Emma tries to move, but her legs are against the bed. Tristan pushes her down, kissing her once again. He moves his lips to her neck, trailing down to get to her breasts. "Stop it Tristan." Emma tries to push him up, but can't get her arms free. "Tristan, stop!" Emma yells, thinking that if she was louder he might listen, but no such luck. "Tristan, please stop!" Frustrated, and almost screaming, Emma tries to move so he can't get down her shirt.

"Stop it!" Zack yells at Tristan, appearing in the doorway of his room. He walks in, pulling Tristan off of Emma. She quickly fixed her top and sat up. "What they hell is wrong with you?" Zack questions, slowly letting go of his hold on Tristan. Tristan pulls himself away from him and huffs.

"Nothing, it's probably the pot." He states, shifting the blame to something other then him.

"I have to go." Emma says quickly and softly, making her way out of the room. She heads down the stairs, almost reaching the front door, and she hears footsteps behind her.

"Emma, wait." It was Zack. Emma stopped, allowing Zack to take a couple more steps to be standing in front of her, by the front door.

"I'm sorry-"

"Its not your fault, but I really want to go." Emma cut him off, and walks around him to open the door. "It was, nice, seeing you Zack, take care." Emma walks out of the house and to her car, just focused on getting home. She makes it to her apartment, hoping Manny would be home, but she was still at her movie rehearsal. _I probably shouldn't tell her anyway, she is just going to throw the 'I told you so' thing in my face. I need to tell someone, I need to talk to someone to help me figure out what I'm supposed to do._ Emma got up from the couch and walked out of her apartment. She knocked lightly on Sean's door.

"Em, hey." Sean says, smiling as he sees her standing there.

"Sean, I need to talk to someone, but I do not want you to say a word." Emma tells him, keeping her voice firm.

"Okay, come in." Emma enters, and the two walk over to the couch.

"I mean it Sean, promise me you want say anything." Emma looks at him, waiting for his promise.

"I promise, should we pinky swear or should I do the whole scout's honor thing." Sean jokes.

"Tristan and the band came back from touring last night, so today I went over to see Tristan. He was high, and we went up to his bedroom-"

"B-" Sean tries to say.

"No, you promised not to say anything." Emma looks him in the eye; he nods solemnly, trying to protest that he didn't want to hear about her sex life. "Anyway, we went upstairs, and he started kissing me, but he smelt like pot, so I pushed him away, we disagreed about me smoking with him. Then he pushed me on the bed and wouldn't get off, he almost raped me. Zack came in and pulled him off. Tristan said it must have been because he was high, and I think I should believe that, well to a certain degree, because he's never ever hurt me, physically, before. So I just needed to get that off of my chest. Remember, you can't say anything. Thanks for listening Sean." Emma reached over, kissing him on the cheek, and got up to go back to her apartment. Sean heard Emma walk out of his place, but he just stayed there, on the couch, his mouth closed and his eyes a little big. Stunned at what he just heard, he couldn't move. Jay came out of the bathroom, a towel around his waist, and running his hand through his wet hair. He looked at Sean.

"Dude, what's with you?"

Sean turned his head to Jay. "Emma just came over, and told me her boyfriend almost raped her. The she just got up and left."

"You didn't do anything?" Jay queries. He thought if anything like that would have ever happened with Emma, he would have jumped up and went over to the kid's house.

"When she first came over she made me promise not to say anything. When she started telling me about her going over there, and him wanting her to smoke with him, he was already high. Then I tried to speak, but she hushed me, and then said he pushed her onto the bed, kissing her, and almost raped her, but Zack came in and pulled him off of her. She kissed me on the cheek, said thanks for listening, remember you promised not to say anything, and left."

"He almost raped her." Jay repeats. Suddenly, he felt anger boiling in the pit of his stomach. How could her 'boyfriend' do that to her?


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12, part 1: Hallelujah**

_Heaven has the pleasure of having You here  
Nothing can measure the love that You share  
Angels sing welcome home  
Welcome home_

Emma sat in Snake's hospital room, looking at all the wires hooked up to him. A few tears fell down from her eyes, resting on her cheeks. She turned her attention to Jack, who is only seven, turning eight. He looked incredibly sad, which made Emma feel even worse. Spike was trying her hardest not to cry. She always knew, in the back of her mind, that this day would come, but always, always wished that it wouldn't. Emma wiped her cheeks with her palms, and took a deep breath. Her boss, Madeline, thought this current situation would be a great story for Cancer & Animal Research, and it would help Emma with closure. This was going to be her first article that wouldn't be one-sided. She didn't know where she was on this issue. Since Snake has cancer, she always supported cancer research, but she also always supported not testing on animals. She is on both sides of the fence. Emma looked up when she heard a soft knock on the door, it was Manny. Manny came inside, giving Spike and Jack big hugs, tears already forming in her eyes. She came over to Emma, and the two hugged forever.

"How is everyone holding up?" Manny whispers, sitting down in the chair beside Emma.

"Um, I guess as good as we can." She whispers back, jotting down notes in her notepad. Every time something came into her mind, she wrote it down, not fully knowing what she would need for this story.

"What are you doing?" Manny asks, reading over what Emma is writing.

"Madeline thought this would be a good story." Emma underlines the title on the top line of the pad again. "Cancer & Animal Research."

"It does seem like a good story." Manny agrees, "But, will you be able to write it?"

"Um," Emma looks up at Snake. He looks so thin, so pale, and practically lifeless, except for his eyes fluttering opened and closed as he blinked. "I'm hoping it will help me face what's to come."

"Makes sense. Is he in any pain?" Manny asks, now looking at Snake. Her eyes extremely sad, a tear falling from her eyes.

"No." Emma rubs Manny's shoulder, "They gave him some morphine, so he doesn't feel anything."

"It's so sad." Manny states, her voice so soft you almost couldn't hear her speak. Emma took Manny's hand in hers, more for herself then for Manny. Manny squeezed her hand, her attention still on Snake. The girls sat there, holding hands, solemnly watching Snake, with Emma writing down some more thoughts and observations. Emma felt vibrations on her leg, she put her pen down, and reached into her pocket to fish out her phone. Gently, she squeezed Manny's hand before letting it go, she walked over to her mom and brother, giving them each a kiss on the head, and left the room. She flipped her phone open.

"Hello?" She says into the phone, not wanting to talk right now.

"Hey Babe." Tristan says, in his usual tone. Emma rolled her eyes a bit.

"What's up?" She asks half-heartedly.

"You wanna come over?" Tristan asks a little louder. Emma can hear the band in the background.

"I can't." Emma tells him, shifting from one foot to the other.

"Don't tell me you're still mad at me, that happened over a week ago." Tristan says, his tone changing to slightly annoyed.

"No Tristan, it's not about that." Emma retaliates, agitated by his selfishness. "Snake is in the hospital."

"Snake?" Tristan queries. Emma can hear Zack say 'her step-father' in the background. "Your step-dad."

"Yeah, my step-dad." Emma rolls her eyes, realizing just how much Tristan listens to her when she talks. "I have to go. I'll talk to you later." Emma hung up and shoved her cell back into her pocket. Walking back into the room, she notices no one has moved. Jack is sitting silently on the side of Snake's bed. Spike is on the other side, tenderly stroking his arm. Manny is in the chair a little ways away from them, a few tear stains on her cheek. Emma choked back tears as she walked over to her family. She kissed Snake, Spike and Jack, lightly whispering 'I love you', before sitting back down next to Manny. Manny moved her arm, allowing Emma to rest her head on Manny's shoulder. Emma sighs, picking up her notepad and pen again so she can write out her emotions.

"Hey Em, where's Sean?" Manny asks, just realizing that the guy she grew up with wasn't with her.

"He can't get out of work, but he'll be by later." Emma replies, drawing tiny hearts in the top corner of her pad. The vibrations of Emma's cell phone start up again. She stands, and pulls the phone out of her pocket. Emma gives everyone a kiss before leaving the room. "Hello?"

"Hi Em, how are you doing?" The sweet voice of Zack fills her ears.

"I'm doing okay..." Emma trails.

"Do you need anything?" He asks, sympathy running through his tone.

"No, no, I'm good." Emma replies, looking down at her feet.

"Okay, well if you change you're mind, just call me. Someone's coming, call me later." Dial tone now fills her ears. She closes her phone, wondering what would happen if Tristan knew how often Zack and her talked. Emma walked back inside, giving everyone another kiss before settling back down next to Manny.

"Who keeps calling?" Manny queries.

"First call was Tristan. The second was Zack." Emma answers, placing her notepad back on her lap.

"Oo, your love triangle." Manny turns her attention to Emma.

"I'm not cheating on Tristan." Emma tells her, looking her in the eye.

"I know, but you should." Manny says, looking at her a little more intently.

"Manny!" Emma half whispers and half exclaims. Manny shrugs her shoulders. Suddenly, the noise of Snake's heart monitor goes dead. Manny and Emma jump up, going to over to Snake's bed. Spike breaks down, not able to hold her emotions in any longer. Emma holds Jack as he starts crying. The doctor and nurses rush into the room. The family takes a step back, letting the staff do their job, but knowing that Snake is now gone. The doctor allows them more time to say goodbye. He tells us he's sorry before heading out of the room. Emma watches everything, as if it's going on in slow motion. She can even see everyone's tears falling, one at a time. She blinks her eyes, hoping to escape this slow motion nightmare. Emma walks around the bed to the other side, giving her mother a tight hug, not knowing what else to do. Everything was going to change now, everything is going to be different.

* * *

**Chapter 12, part 2: New Wave**

___Come on and wash these shores away.  
Come on and wash these shores away.  
I am looking for the crest,  
I am looking for the crest of a new wave._

"Jay? Where are you?" Greg calls from the shop. He enters his new garage, calling out for Jay.

"In here man." Jay yells back, not bothering to get up.

"In here? What is that supposed to mean? I've never been in here before." Greg replies, a slightly amused tone coming out of his mouth.

"The office." Jay calls out. He stands up from the desk and goes to the doorway. After getting his boss's attention, he turns back into the office.

"The place isn't looking that bad." Greg tells him, stepping into the office. "This place needs a women's touch."

"What did you just say?" Jay queries, fighting a smirk.

"You've seen my office. My wife worked with me for years, which is why it looks so clean and organized." Greg lets a smirk form on his lips. Jay shakes his head a little. "So, what have you got?"

"Idea Arc bill, Yellow Pages bill, and I haven't finished the marking up the inventory. Oh, a couple cars have already been by, but they were easy tune-ups. Here are the receipts." Jay hands a pile of bills and receipts.

"You're doing really well here." Greg signs some papers, and stuffs the others into his carry-all clipboard. "Have you given any thought about whether you're going to stay here or not?"

"Um, I'm not sure."

"Look, Jay, I don't have a problem if you need some more time to decide, but you have to decide." Greg looks at Jay. "You better be grateful that your boss if so cool."

"Oh yeah, the coolest." Jay laughs to himself. He goes to pick his pen back up when his cell rings. "Greg, I gotta take this." Greg nods to him, so Jay flips his cell phone open. "Yo."

"Jay, listen up man, Snake's in the hospital." Sean tells him, his voice serious and filled with worry.

"Is he okay?" Jay asks, unsure of what else to say.

"No, he's doing badly; the doctor's don't think he's going to live much longer. I wanted to give you a heads up because the girls are going to be really upset." Sean says. "I'm trying to get off work, but my boss is being an asshole, so if I can't get off before tonight, can you just check on them. They might not come home, they might stay with Spike, but Emma will call me."

___"_Yeah, sure, no problem." Jay replies, his voice reaching its own sadness, even though he never got along with Mr. Simpson.

"Thanks man, I'll catch ya later." Sean hung up, and Jay follows suit.

"What's up man?" Greg asks.

"Um, a friend's step-father is dying of cancer." Jay tells him, leaning back in his chair.

"This friend wouldn't happen to be a girl, would it?" Greg gives Jay a suspicious look.

"Yeah, maybe this friend is a girl." Jay's voice is low, just above a mutter.

"And this would also be the reason that you aren't sure whether or not you want to stay here." Greg raises one eye brow as his suspicious look towards Jay grows. Jay avoids eye contact, and avoids his suspicious stare.

"If we're done here, I have to go." Jay stands up, gathering up all the papers together.

"Yeah, to the hospital, to see your girl, who's a friend." Greg half-jokes, enjoying being able to annoy Jay.

"Later." Jay mumbles. He walks out, shaking thoughts out of his head. Emma has nothing to do with the reason why he doesn't know if he wants to stay or not. He got into his car and went to the grocery store. Jay picked up some ice cream and cookie dough. Then he drove to Sean's apartment, which was more like theirs, since he pays half the rent. Jay grabbed the spare key to Manny's and Emma's place, putting the ice cream in the freezer and the cookie dough in the fridge. He went next door to take a shower, and change, before picking up the phone.

"Hello?" A voice sniffles on the other end of the phone.

"Emma, hey, how you doing?" Jay asks, noting the tone of her voice, thinking she must be crying.

"Um, Snake died." She managed to choke out.

___"_I'm sorry Em, do you need anything?" He asks, feeling bad that Em has to go through it. He realized that him going through his mother's death is what's helping him to be so sympathetic.

"No, I'm gonna stay with mom tonight." She replies, trying to make her tone even.

"Well call if you need anything." Jay waits for Emma to say bye before hanging up. He stared at the screen of his phone, noticing how he really isn't up to face another death. His mom pops into his mind, but he can't quite put a finger on what he feels. He opens his contacts and presses send when he gets to the one he wants.

"Jay, man, haven't seen you in a while, what's up? Todd asks.

"Not much, you got anything?" Jay queries, slightly turning to his old ways.

"Yeah, the guys are over, and a few of the girls, come down." Todd replies.

"Cool, I'll be there in ten or so." Jay hangs up, grabs his keys, and heads out the door. He went through his mother's death, but he's not ready to face his feelings about it; right now, he needs a fix.

* * *

**Chapter 12, part 3: Jay Jay's Song**

_____I am myself and no  
one else because my eyes  
See so much negativity  
Pressuring me every day  
Thy judge me as  
Something I'm not_

_____"_Jay, man, what are you waiting for?" Todd asks, slightly leaning into Jay. Jay shakes his head, still staring down at the pill in his hand. He rolled it around in his fingers. For some reason he felt as if he had split personality. _______Should I fall back into the category after fighting to get out of it for five years? Taking some Ex won't totally put me back there, but what if staying here makes me do it more. I went five years without doing drugs, sure I drank, and partied, but five years without drugs. That is a huge step for me. Hell, finishing school was a huge step, going to college was twice as huge, finishing college was triple that, so not doing drugs has that whole huge thing quadrupled. What's it matter anyway? It's my life, I can do whatever I please, but if I stay here, and fall back in with the gang, it will definitely affect my work, and I know Greg will talk me out of it, but he won't put up with me if I continue doing drugs. Working with Greg was the best thing that happened to me in my whole life, I can't betray him. I can't betray myself. This stupid pill is smiling _up at me. Maybe I should just go back to Sean's. Maybe I should... I don't know. Damn, this is so frustrating. "Man, what the fuck is wrong with you?" Todd's voice interrupted Jay's thoughts. "This is a party!" His grin spread wider across his lips. "Speaking of which, I'm gonna go have myself a party." Jay watched Todd get off the couch and walk over to a trashy looking girl. She was overly intoxicated, and Todd was flying high. Jay chuckled to himself, remembering all the old times he's had with his 'friends'.

"Eh, fuck it." Jay says to himself. He pops the ecstasy into his mouth and throws his head back. He grins to himself, keeping his head back, relaxing it on the back of the couch. His mind starting swirling, random, and not so random thoughts popping into his head. He kept his eyes closed, knowing that if he opened them that the room would spin and he'd get a headache. Suddenly, he left a hand on his thigh. "What?" Jay asks, not bothering to open his eyes.

_____"_You looked lonely on the couch all by yourself." A girl replies, rubbing her hand up and down his leg, reaching further up each time.

"Maybe I was, maybe I'm not." Jay smirks, still keeping his eyes closed.

"Well," The girl starts, "I'm sure you can have a lot more fun with me, then sitting here by yourself." She leaves her one hand on his thigh, and brings her other hand up to his chest.

"I don't even know you, how can I trust you?" Jay asks, still not opening his eyes, and keeping his voice emotionless besides the smirk on his lips.

"My names Emily, now you know me." She replies, pulling herself closer to him. Jay felt her breath in his cheek as she brought her lips to his. He let her kiss him, and decided to kiss her back. It's not like he has anything better to do. "Let's go find a room." She whispers into his ear, breaking away from their kiss. Jay finally opened his eyes, following Emily into a vacant room. He closed the door behind him and sat down on the bed next to the girl. "Now, where were we?" She puts her lips back on his. Jay lets her do what she wants. He's a little surprised when she breaks the kiss, but then she pulls his shirt off, and then hers. Jay just watches, not saying or moving, just letting her do whatever she wants. Emily kisses his lips once more, but then kisses his neck, and trails down his chest as her hands undid his jeans. For a reason unknown to Jay, he was a little apprehensive about Emily taking off his jeans, but as soon as she touched him he forgot about it.

"Oh, Em." He managed to mutter. Emily brought herself up.

"Nicknames already, I like it." And she went back down...

**------****-****------------------[Meanwhile--------------------------**

Sean knocked onto the Nelson-Simpson door. He hurried from work, only taking a two minute shower before going to check on the girls. Emma answered the door, her cheeks stained with a few tears. He could tell that she had been trying not to cry. He stepped inside and pulled her into a tight hug, kissing her on her head. He saw Manny, Spike, and Jack, sitting down, in a comfortable silence, watching a movie. Jack was sitting in Spike's lap, while she gently stroked his head, and Manny was curled at the other end of the couch. When Emma let go, Sean gently kissed Spike's cheek, and rubbed Jack's head before sitting down between Manny and Emma. Both girls turned their body towards him, resting their heads on his shoulders. The five of them sat on the couch, a little crammed, but enjoying the silence, besides the murmur of the Television. Emma reached her arm around Sean's stomach, finding Manny's. The two girls held hands, a silent tear falling from Emma's cheek. The family was doing well with the grief, they were dealing with it together. Emma smiled slightly, happy that they were all together to deal with this. If she was by herself, she knew she wouldn't be able to. Being with her family, Manny, and Sean, made her wonder what Jay was doing, along with Tristan, and Zack. Hopefully they were having a good night, like she was; as good as it could get with the current situation anyway.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13, part 1: I.D.I.O.T**

_In your mind I was just a novelty  
So does this define how you feel towards me?  
Do unto me what has been done to  
You feed off the pain that's been reproduced  
Fucked with me  
I was an idiot_

"What do you want from me Tristan?" Emma asks, folding her arms across her chest. Her frustration with him was building, and with the stress and grief of Snake's death, she couldn't take much more. Work was stressing her out. Writing the article on cancer and animal research was harder then she thought it was going to be, but Madeline gave her a week and a half to get it done. Plus, it is the start of a new campaign for the next article. She had so much work to get done, and was falling behind because she was trying to spend a lot of time with her mom, and Jack. This meant that Tristan was getting the short end of things, not that he cared, he just uses it to piss her off. She was standing in his bedroom doorway, waiting for his answer.

"We haven't seen each other in a couple weeks, excuse me for wanting to spend some time with my girl." He shoots back at her. Emma rolls her eyes. "Don't roll your eyes at me. You need a drink, or a toke."

"I don't need either."

"It will make you feel better." Tristan's answer for everything is to get trashed. Emma stared at him blankly.

"No, it won't. My dad just died!" Emma gives him a glare._ He probably didn't remember that I told him that, seeing as he never listens to me._

"Isn't he your step dad?" Tristan looks at her, pushing his hair out of his eyes. Emma stared at him in disbelief.

"The title of dad or step dad doesn't matter." She tells him, her voice stern. She lets her arms fall to her sides, fists clenched.

"Well, it's not like he was blood or anything." Tristan shrugs it off, at is if is no big deal. Emma looked at him, even more shocked. Backing out of the room, she turned to go to the bathroom, slamming the door behind her.___ I cannot believe he just said that. What is wrong with him? How could he possibly say something like that?_ Emma picked her head up, looking at her reflection. She was so bothered by what she saw in the mirror. Picking up her left fist, she didn't know what she was doing until she already did it. Pieces of glass fell into the sink, and over the counter top of the sink. A sharp pain ran through Emma's left hand. She looked down at what she had just done. Picking up the glass one by one, someone knocked lightly on the door before opening it.

"Shit, Emma, what did you do?" Zack grabs a washcloth from the linen closet, and carefully picks the pieces of glass out of her hand. Wrapping the towel around her bloody gash, he stopped her from picking up the glass. "I'll clean it up.

"I'm-I'm sorry." Emma whispers, barely able to speak at all.

_"_Why did you do this?" He asks, his voice softening. Zack makes eye contact with her, gently holding on to her left arm.

"I don't know... I was just so mad... I-" Emma closes her eyes briefly, not able to compose her thoughts.

"Okay, just calm down, does it hurt? Do you want some ice? I should probably find a bandage for it; maybe we have some gauze-"

"Zack, I'm fine, really." Emma manages a smile. Zack looks down at her, letting a little chuckle let out, wondering how Emma can always manage a smile, in the weirdest situations.

"Alright." Zack gives her a slight hug, so Emma hugs him back.

"I'm gonna get home. Here's some money to replace the mirror." Emma takes out her cash, giving some to Zack.

"No, Emma, you do-"

"No, I broke it, I'll pay for it. That is the saying after all; you break it, you buy it." Emma looks down at her hand. "But, I am keeping the washcloth." Smiling at him, she walks out of the bathroom, and out of the house, to her car.

Emma got to her apartment, Manny wasn't home. Emma sighed, not really wanting to be alone. She went to the bathroom, hoping to find a bandage, or gauze, or something to put on her hand. Nothing but Spiderman and wild life band-aids is what she found. She left her apartment, and knocked on Sean's door. Apparently, Sean wasn't home either. Jay answered the door in a loose fitting pair of shorts, and a little sweat glistening off his chest. Emma couldn't help but stare at him.

"Hi... do you have some gauze or antiseptic or something?" Emma asks, pulling her eyes away from his toned upper body.

"Um, I'm not sure. Come in, I'll check." Emma follows Jay into the apartment. Her eyes ever left his back.___ I feel like such a perv. This must be why guys watch girls walk away_. Jay came back out of the bathroom. "I found some gauze and some Neosporin. What you need it four anyway?" He holds the supplies out to Emma, and Emma shows him her hand. "Damn, what did you do?

"I, uh, smashed a mirror." Emma tells him innocently. He looks at her, unable to believe that Greenpeace punched something. Emma took the gauze and the antiseptic from Jay. "Thanks... you mind if I stay for awhile?"

"No, of course not. I'm just gonna take a quick shower." Jay saying that made Emma think of his body again. Focusing on his abs, she nodded to let him know she heard him. Jay turned around, walking back to the bathroom. Emma went over to the kitchen sink, washing off her hand and re-wrapping it. She sat down on the couch, listening to the quietness, and only feeling the slight pain in her left hand. Jay got out of the shower and walked over to the couch, this time in a different pair of loose fitting shorts. He sat down, flicking through the channels on the TV, and Emma just watched him out of the corner of her eye, happy he didn't put a shirt on. "So, what made you punch a mirror?"

"Tristan." Emma replies, a hint of aggravation in her voice. Jay looked at her.

_"_Well, then he's an asshole." He looked down at her hand, and back up at her.

"Have I thanked you for the ice cream and cookie dough?"

"Yeah, about a million times." Jay and Emma share a light laugh. They kept their eyes locked, slowly moving toward each other until their lips touched. They both pulled away, but went right back to each other. Emma moved closer to Jay, never letting her mouth leaves his. As the kiss deepened, Emma let her hands fall to Jay's chest, loving the feel of his muscles under her hands. Jay lightly pushed Emma down, leaning his weight onto his hand so he wouldn't crush her. He let his other hand hold her waist, squeezing her a little. Jay broke their three minute kiss, in dire need for some air. Looking at Emma as he tried to catch his breath, Emma lightly kissed his lips once more before moving them to his neck, just under his earlobe. She moved her arms under his, hugging his toned, shirtless body to her as she made light kisses along his neck. Jay kept his eyes closed, enjoying her kisses, and began caressing her body. From her waist, down to her thigh, Jay rubbed her. Pulling away from Emma's full lips on his neck, he placed his lips to her, once again allowing the two to lip-lock. Suddenly, the two heard a noise outside of the door. Sitting up quickly, the two straightened themselves out, trying to get their breathing down to normal.

* * *

**Chapter 13, part 2: Under My Skin**

___So you want inside of me,  
So you want a piece of this,  
So you want to tear me down, for your own selfish wants and needs_

_"_Hey guys." Sean's voice broke the silence. Jay and Emma looked at each other quickly, and then Emma stood.

"Hey Sean," Giving him a peck on the cheek, "I have to go, bye." Emma walked out of his apartment.___ Holy shit I just kissed Jay... that is an understatement, I just made out with Jay. I just cheated on Tristan. I have to break up with him._ Emma got in her car and drove back over to Tristan's house.

"Emma, hey, come in." Zack ushers her into the house. "What are you doing back here so soon?"

"I have to talk to Tristan." Emma replies, stepping inside.

"Oh, well he's smoking up with Matt and them."

"Figures, but whatever, this will be quick." Emma walks into the living room. "Tristan."

"Oh, hey, babe, look I've been thinking, and I don't think this is working out." Tristan looks back down to his bong. Emma stands there shocked, he beat her to it.

"Yeah, that's pretty much what I came here for. Bye." Emma walks back out of the living room, not knowing whether she should be happy or pissed. Zack follows her out the front door, together they stand on the porch.

"You broke up with him?" Zack asks, trying to figure out the look on her face.

"Actually, he broke up with me." Emma decided to be pissed._After all he put me through, he gets to dump me, that's unfair, stupid jerk._

_"_You'll be better off without him." Zack's voice breaks Emma's thoughts. She looks up at him.

"Yeah, I think so." Emma gives him a warm smile, happy that he's still being nice to her. Zack leans down, placing his lips softly on hers. He lets his lips linger a bit before pulling back. "Zack, I-"

"I just wanted to kiss you, I like you, and I don't expect anything right now, I just wanted to let you know." Zack looks at her, and all she can see is sincerity in his eyes.

"Keep in touch?" Emma asks, as she takes a step off the porch.

"Of course." He replies coolly. Emma gives him a small wave and walks back to her car. After getting to her apartment, she jumps in the shower, allowing the water to pour over her body, hoping that she could determine her feelings, but it was no use. When Emma got out, Manny was home, with her new movie scripts spread over the coffee table.

"Em, hey, where were you?" She asks, looking up from her script.

"I went over to Tristan's."

"Oh." A not so happy Manny says.

"We broke up." Emma looks at Manny and the small smile forming in the corner of her lips, but Manny tries not to let it show.

"Really?"

"Yeah, he dumped me. He beat me to it, and I'm pissed, I mean I should have gotten to break up with him." Emma walks over to her work bag, pulling out all of her current assignments.

"Well, at least you two are over. He was a major jerk." Manny looks back down at her script. "So I think we should order some Chinese and have a total work night."

Emma looks down at her pile of work. "I agree one hundred percent." Emma gets up and grabs the Chinese menu, already knowing what she was going to order.

**-------------------------[Meanwhile-------------------------**

"What was Em doing here?" Sean asks, settling down into the couch.

"She put her hand through a mirror a-"

"She did what?" Sean asks, cutting Jay off.

"She put her hand through a mirror. You know, like she punched it. Anyway she came over for some gauze and whatever." Jay looks back over at the TV, not wanting to talk about Emma anymore.

"Why?" Sean, however was not going to let it go.

"I don't know, I don't pry like you do." Jay tells him, still not looking at him.

"Well you should!" Sean retorts. "Is it bad?

"If it was bad, I would have the common sense to take her to the hospital." Jay retaliates, finally looking at Sean.

"Okay, okay, so she's fine?"

"Yes, man, her hands a little cut up, but other than that, she's fine." Jay returns his attention to the TV.

"Why don't you have a shirt on?" Sean queries, looking at him suspiciously.

"Why are you checking me out Cameron?" Jay smirks a little, and turns his head to Sean once more. "I was working out when she came over."

"Why did she leave so quick?" Sean questions again. Jay turned his head away from Sean once again, getting annoyed by all his questions.

"I don't know, go ask her." He replies, not buckling to Sean. Sean stands up and heads into the bathroom. Jay hears the water of the shower and lays his head on the back of the couch. His mind went back to just ten or fifteen minutes ago. He kissed Emma, she kissed back. He thought about the way she was touching his abs and smiled. "I think I'm gonna go work out." He said to himself, getting off the couch and going into the small room that's across from his bedroom.

"Jay!" Sean calls out, unsure of where he went.

"What?" He yells back. Sean appears in the doorway, pulling a shirt over his head.

"I'm heading over to Em's and Manny's, you wanna come?" Sean looks at Jay, and Jay looks at himself.

"Do I have to get dressed?" He looks at his upper body, remembering the way Emma was looking at it.

"A shirt would be nice." Sean rolls his eyes.

"Whatever, dad." Jay mocks Sean, rolling his eyes too. He gets up, grabs a shirt, and the two head next door. As Sean knocks on the door, Jay puts his arms through his shirt. Emma answers the door, watching Jay pull the shirt over his head, and watching it fall down his chest, covering his muscles.

"Hey, want some Chinese? We ordered enough for like ten people." Manny calls out, snapping Emma out of her trance.

"Yeah, come in." Emma says to them, stepping out of the way. Sean takes Emma's left arm softly, looking at her hand. Emma saw the look in his eyes, and knew what he meant. "I punched a mirror, I know stupid, but I was mad. I fixed everything, I broke up with Tristan." Emma's last statement stuck in Jay's head.

"Good, that guy was an asshole." Sean tells her, taking a seat on the couch, picking up a container of Chinese food. Jay grabs a container and a fork, digging into the food, trying not to talk, because he didn't want to, he wanted to kiss Emma again.

"Here, here." Manny agrees.

"Okay, he was, and we're done, so can we not talk about it." Emma takes her seat back on the floor, picking up her pen, and getting right back to work. Jay kept his glance towards her, but making sure to make it look like he was watching the TV.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14, part 1: Fire**

_You set me  
You lit me  
I'm on fire  
What a beautiful sight to see  
I'm on fire_

"I know you like her." Sean tells Jay, watching him walk around the kitchen.

"Like who?" Jay plays dumb, not wanting to deal with this subject.

"I know you Jay, you like Emma. I swear if you do anything to her-"

"Just drop it okay. I'm real tired of hearing your 'I will kill you' speech." Jay rinses his cup out and puts it in the sink.

"Fine, let's go." Sean picks up the keys to the apartment and heads out the door. Jay follows suit.

"Whatever." He stands against their closed apartment door while Sean knocks on Manny's and Emma's door.

"One sec." Manny calls from inside. Emma comes out first, looking radiant in her black Rock Star boot cut jeans, a grey lace up plaid vest, and red plaid wedges. Jay stared at her, wondering how she looked so good and not at all trashy. She still looked conservative, even though her red pumps had a good three or four inches, making her short 5'5 figure, almost Jay's height. Her vest had thin red lines, which is why she wore red shoes, which had thin black lines. Her hair was down, with a zigzag part, and hardly any make up. A thin black outline along her eyes and some lip gloss. Manny appeared behind her a minute later.

"Let's go!" Manny announces, her bubbly personality spilling out of her.

"I'm driving." Jay states, walking ahead, trying not to stare at Emma any more. The three followed Jay to his car, with them making small talk, about nothing in general. They got to The Dive.

"You think Tristan's playing tonight?" Manny asks Emma, just above a whisper.

"I don't know." Emma answers honestly, not wanting his being there to ruin her good time. They walked in, going to the bar first. Jay ordered a beer and turned around, leaning with his back against the bar.

"Jay can you get me a drink." Manny asks sweetly.

"Why?"

"I'm not twenty-one yet, please Jay, please, please, please." Manny almost begs, making her voice girly so Jay will give in.

"Yeah, whatever." Jay orders Manny's drink, after she tells him what she wants. The group stands there, drinking and talking, taking in the club scene. Out of nowhere, Emily comes up, placing her hands on Jay's chest, Jay jumps, not seeing her come over, and looks down at her.

"Hi." She says, trying to sound seductive, but you could tell she was wasted. "I thought I might be able to-" She leans closer, whispering into his ear. "Give you a good time, again." Jay looks at Emma, Manny, and Sean, who are all staring at him. Jay looks back at Emily, vaguely remembering her. She leans up into him again, whispering in his ear so the others couldn't hear. "We were both pretty high at Todd's party, but I do remember giving you pleasure. The names Emily and I never got yours." She backs down from his ear, smiling up at him. _Emily... Emily... oh I remember her, I was on X that night... Emily... she was going down on me... I called her Em... Emily... Emma... Emily... Emma... Em, that was the only reason I let her continue..._

"Jay, are you going to introduce us?" Emma asks, trying to break the weird silence. "I'm Emma; this is Manny, and Sean."

"Emily." She looks quickly at them, and back at Jay. "So, Jay, what do you say?" Jay shakes his head, trying to focus on his current situation. He notices Sean's glare. _Great, just great, Sean is going to 'kill me' now. I need air... fresh air._

"Sorry, but no thanks." He pauses for a moment. "I need some air." With that, he walks out of the bar, and Emily walks away.

"What was that about?" Manny asks curiously.

"I don't know." Sean states, matter-o-factly, pissed that Jay has a 'girlfriend' and likes Emma. Emma doesn't know what to think.

"I'll go see if he's okay." Emma says out loud, not believing those words just came out of her mouth. She walked out anyway, trying not to show Sean or Manny her hesitance.

"Okay, now I'm really confused." Manny tells Sean. "They like each other, don't they."

"Seems that way." Sean states, not knowing whether to be happy Emma likes Jay, or pissed. He had a bad feeling, but the two of them were his best friends, so he couldn't tell them that.

Emma went outside, finally finding Jay at the back of the club. She walks over to him, taking a seat on the curb next to him.

"You okay?" She asks, unsure of what else to say.

"Yeah... just needed some fresh air." Jay keeps his eyes on the ground, trying to figure out what Emma is thinking.

"Are you going to come back in?" Emma keeps her eyes on him, even though he won't look at her.

"Uh, yeah... in a bit." Jay nods his head slightly.

"Okay... do you want to be alone or-"

"Look, that chick, we kinda had a one night thing like a week or so ago." Jay cuts her off, his eyes still on the ground.

"Oh, okay..." Emma trails off, still not sure how to feel. He wasn't with her, so she can't be mad. Plus she had a boyfriend when she kissed him... "Do you like her?" Emma asks, trying to sound subtle. "If you do, just go back in there, talk to her, I'm sure she-"

"I don't like her." Jay exhales. "We were both high that night. She knew that, she just asked if I wanted to... let her..."

"Go down on you." Emma bluntly finishes Jay's sentence. He looks up at her, shocked that those words came out of her mouth. He nods his head yes as he looks away from her. "Okay, do you want her to?"

"Don't laugh at me, but no, I don't."

"Why would I laugh?" Emma softens, happy to know that Jay doesn't want that girl. He looks at her, meeting her eyes.

"The 'old Jay' wouldn't say no."

"So, people change." Emma shrugs her shoulders. Jay slightly nods his head. He keeps eye contact with her, really wanting to kiss her again, so he does. Allowing his lips to crash into hers, he turns his body towards her. Emma places her hands on Jay's cheeks, letting her fingers rest on them. A few minutes later, the two pull away from each other. In need of some fresh air, they breathe slowly, looking at each other.

"What flavor is you lip gloss?" Jay asks, licking his bottom lip.

"I don't know, it doesn't say it's flavored." Emma watches him lick his lip, wanting to kiss him again.

"Tastes good."

"I'll have to buy more." She smiles at him, allowing herself to fall for him as he presents her with his signature smirk. The two continue staring at each other, both debating whether they should lean in for another kiss when a voice calls Emma's name.

* * *

**Chapter 14, part 2; Life Is a Garden**

_Somebody should have told you  
It never comes easy  
And somebody should have told you that  
There are no guarantees_

Emma looked up to see who was calling her. Her brain froze. _Oh no, this can't be good. Oh no. What do I do, what do I do._ Snapping out of her trance from her name being called again, she looks up.

"You okay Emma?" Zack asks, standing in front of her, looking down.

"Yeah, yeah, in my own world there for a minute." Standing up to meet Zack, Emma remembers to introduce Jay and Zack. "Zack this is Jay, Jay, Zack."

"Hey man." Zack nods towards Jay's direction, and Jay nods back. Zack focuses his attention back to Emma. "You look good." Staring down at her outfit, and the slight inch of midriff showing.

"Thanks." Emma smiles warmly, trying to hide her embarrassment from him checking her out. "Are you guys playing tonight?"

"Yeah, I don't want to abandon where we got our break, you know?"

"Totally." Emma agrees, looking around, hoping not to see Tristan.

"They went around the front; I was just parking the van." Reassuring Emma that she won't see Tristan, Zack places a hand on her arm. Emma's arm feels a light tingle. "I should get inside. I'll see you. Nice to meet you Jay." Zack starts heading inside, leaving Emma and Jay alone once again. Emma stared down at the ground, trying to get her feelings in check.

"I'm gonna go inside." Jay announces, breaking her thoughts.

"Okay." Emma keeps her eyes on the ground. "Me too... can you get me a drink?" She asks, following Jay back into The Dive.

"Sure, what do you want?" They stand a little bit away from the bar. Jay waits on Emma for her answer.

"Um... a screwdriver." Emma decides. Jay looks at her, a little stunned that she was going to drink a screwdriver. Nevertheless, Jay ordered one, and another beer.

"Where's Cameron and Santos?" Jay asks in between sipping his beer.

"Probably dancing or something." Emma gulps down the rest of her drink. "Jay, can you get me another one?"

"Um" Jay looks at how fast she drank that, debating whether or not she'll be able to handle her liquor. "Sure." Jay puts in another order, making sure to keep a close eye on her.

Emma didn't know what possessed her to drink, but she needed something to drown out the swirling thoughts circling her head. After months, and months, she was finally able to get rid of Tristan, well he dumped her, and now she still had to more guys that she liked being with. They were the total opposite of each other. Zack is so sweet, caring, and Jay, the bad boy. No girl can resist the bad boy, especially when he walks around without a shirt. Emma was finishing her second screwdriver when Sean walked over.

"Manny's starting to get dance happy." He states, taking a seat at the bar.

"Were you dancing with her?" Emma asks, not really caring, but wanting to make conversation so she could get another drink.

"No, I was... somewhere else." Sean looks away from Emma, still uncomfortable with sharing his sexual activities with her.

"Way to go Cameron." Jay pats him on the back, nostalgia hitting him.

"Jay, can you get me another drink?" Emma queries, as sweetly as she can muster.

"I don't know, you've already had two." Jay tells her, not wanting to get one of Cameron's stupid speeches when they got home.

"Yeah, but I'm not even drunk."

"Em, I think you're good." Sean says, knocking back his own drink.

"Sean, you can't tell me what to do. I want another drink, please Jay, please, please, please." Puppy dog eyes took over Jay's view. He looked at Sean real fast, but Sean wouldn't look at Emma. He still couldn't resist those eyes, and neither could Jay. "Thank you." Emma takes her drink, chugging another big mouthful.

"I'll go find Manny and we'll head home." Sean gets up, winding in out and of people to find Manny on the dance floor.

"Jay, can I have another drink?" Emma finishes the last of her third cup.

"You drank that way to fast." Jay tells her, setting her empty cup on the counter near his beer.

"I did no s-such th-thing." Emma replies, finally feeling the affect of her three screwdrivers.

"Oh, this is going to be funny." Jay says aloud, watching Emma. Sean comes back with Manny, who herself is tipsy.

"You got her?" Sean questions, motioning to Emma, and to the door.

"Yeah." Jay throws some cash next to his beer, and grabs Emma. Emma walks a little, holding onto Jay's t-shirt, with his arm around her waist. The guys get the girls into the car and head back to the apartment.

"Where is your key?" Sean asks the girls.

"I don't know." Emma states, "I don't have it."

"I do, I have it somewhere." Manny feels the pockets of her jeans, not remembering where she put her key. She's too worn out from the drinking and dancing to care. "I know where I put it." Manny giggles and points to her chest.

"You keep your key your chest?" Jay queries, a smirk on his face that he can't hide.

"Yeah, that way when you daance, it d-doesn't fall out." She states matter-o-factly.

"Well, take it out." Sean tells her, wanting to get inside to his own apartment and sleep.

"No, you do it." Manny flirts. Jay smirks even more.

"Yeah Cameron, you get it." He can't help but to smile, watching Manny become more and more flirtatious with Sean. This girl could apparently hold herself, but can't hold the sexual side to her when she drinks.

"I don't have time for this." Sean gently puts his hand down the front of Manny's low cut tank top and pulls out the key. Emma and Manny giggle as Sean puts the key into the lock and opens the door. Jay takes Emma into her bedroom, as Sean does the same with Manny.

Jay lays Emma down on the bed, taking off her shoes, and Emma sits up. Once both of her pumps are off, and Jay stands back up, Emma pulls him to her. Her lips smash into his as she kisses him fiercely. Jay, being Jay, kisses back, running his hands across the inch of skin between her pants and her vest. Pulling him on top of her, Emma breaks the kiss from his lips, moving to his earlobe and neck; all the while her hands were going up his shirt. Jay, snapping out of the hot and heavy moment he was just in, stops Emma.

"I can't... you're drunk..." Jay moves Emma up to her pillows and puts the blanket over her. Flipping the light switch, and exiting the room, he leaves it ajar. He heads off to his room, wondering how he stopped himself from having sex with Emma.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15, part 1: Positivity**

_You're looking at me  
I'm looking at you  
What more do you want_

Emma woke up the next morning with a slight headache. Immediately, she went to the bathroom to take some aspirin, knowing that her headache was going to get worse. After putting on a pot of coffee, Emma checked to see if Manny was up yet. Since she wasn't, Emma decided to take a shower. The cool water revived her a little, and she thought about last night's events. Shutting off the water, and grabbing her towel, Emma wondered if what happened last night was a dream, or if she really did try to sleep with Jay.

"I have to talk to him." Emma says to herself. She walks into her room, slipping into a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. Checking on Manny one more time, Emma walked next door, not bothering to put shoes on.

Lightly, Emma tapped on the front door. She checked to see if it was locked, and walked in since it wasn't.

"Hello?" Emma called out, a little on the quiet side, just in case Sean or Jay were still sleeping.

"In the back." A voice replied. Emma thought it was Jay's, but with her head hurting, she couldn't be sure. Emma walked past the kitchen, taking a quick glance at the clock, and walked into the back of the apartment. There was Jay, on his weight bench. Stopping at the doorway, Emma just watched him lift the bar. Tiny beads of sweat were starting to form, making his body glisten. "Hey, did you need something?" Jay asks, putting down the weights and sitting up.

"Um, yeah," Emma fidgeted nervously. "I just wanted to know if last night... happened."

"If you're asking if you got in my pants, the answer is no." Jay smirks, he stands up, taking a step closer to Emma. "Just some kissing... you did a lot of kissing." Jay turns his head, pointing to his neck. "And a little bit of sucking too."

On Jay's neck was a tiny, slightly purple hickey. Automatically, Emma's hand went to cover her open mouth. _I gave Jay a hickey! Oh my god, this is so embarrassing. I can't believe I did that... If I did that, how did we not have sex? Is Jay lying to me? He wouldn't lie to me... which means... he stopped. Jay stopped... he stopped himself. How the hell did he stop himself when I was acting like such a... slut?_ Emma's eyes were glued to the bruise on Jay's neck. It is just above his collarbone. Jay couldn't help but smile at Emma's reaction. He actually didn't remember her giving him one, but that's probably because it took so much self control to stop himself from going any further. Emma shook her head slightly, trying to gain control over her thoughts.

"Thanks." Emma says meekly, hoping Jay knows what she is thanking him for.

"No problem. I couldn't do that to you... wouldn't do that to you" Jay replies, his smirk disintegrating a bit.

"So where's Sean?" Emma asks, wanting desperately to change the subject and to get her mind off of Jay's shirtless body.

"He had an early shift today."

"Oh, right, sorry I came over so early." Emma looks up at him. "Why are you up at six in the morning anyway?"

"Couldn't sleep." Jay shrugs, sitting back down on his bench, and picking up a free weight.

Once again, Emma was in a trance. Watching Jay lift the weight a couple times, and switch, over and over. It was like one of those things you see on TV, like when the kids are watching the washing machine spin round and round. Emma just couldn't stop looking, most likely due to the muscles in Jay's arms flexing. Jay knew she was staring, and enjoyed her attention. He just continued lifting for a minute, wondering if he should do something, or say something.

"You like watching me?" Jay decides to ask, allowing his male ego to take over.

"Um, sorry." Emma say softly, trying to look away.

"I don't mind." Jay tells her, setting the weight back down on the floor, and standing up.

Emma was too nervous to reply. She watched Jay stand up and walk over to her. _He must never wear a shirt on purpose. Why is he doing this to me_? Suddenly, Emma felt Jay's lips on hers. Giving in, Emma kissed back, allowing her hands to rest on Jay's biceps. He held her tightly, kissing her more and more passionately. Emma felt like her knees could go weak. In desperate need for some air, Jay pulled away. Breathing heavily, the two stared at each other. Emma hoped Jay wasn't going to let her go because she felt like she would collapse onto the floor.

"I um, have to get to work." Jay says, still looking at Emma, not ready to let her go yet.

"Crap, me too... what time is it?" Emma reflexively looks at her wrist, realizing she didn't put her watch on today.

"About 7." Jay replies, not taking his eyes off of her.

"I have to be in by eight." Emma looks down at herself, "Damn, I have to get dressed."

"Well, I'm late, so-"

"You're late? Well, hurry up and get to work." Emma cut him off, forcing herself to let go of Jay's arms.

"I can be late." Jay tells her, allowing his lips to find hers again. Emma doesn't resist, although she doesn't want to make him any later. Snaking her arms around Jay's neck, Emma lets her fingers play with his hair. Jay's hands made there way up her back, pulling her closer to him before resting them on her hips. They pull apart once more for air.

"I really have to get ready for work." Emma tells Jay, disappointment in her voice.

"Yeah, I guess I have to too." Jay replies, sighing a little, but not allowing Emma to see it.

"Okay, so I'll see you later." Emma half tells, and half asks. Jay gives her another kiss.

"Yeah, you'll see me." He gives her one last smirk before letting her go. Giving him a little flirtatious wave, Emma made her way to the front of the apartment, and to her own.

* * *

**Chapter 15, part 2: She Will Love You**

_You say you're in love  
Well cursive wrote this sonnet to the end  
You say you're in love_

Manny heard the front door to her apartment open. As she squeezed her hair, letting the water drip into the sink, she called out, "Emma, is that you?"

"Yep," Emma closes the door behind her, "Where are you?"

"In the bathroom. I have to go to the set to do the next scene." Manny tells her, not bothering to put on make up since the make up artist will do it for her.

"Oh, I thought we were going to be able to hang out tonight." Emma replies, disappointment forming in her voice.

"I know, me too, but the director wants to try to wrap it up soon. Are you mad?" Manny sticks her head out of the bathroom door, looking over at Emma.

"No, but I wouldn't have tried so hard to finish my work." Emma says, dropping her bag onto the chair.

"Sorry, hopefully we can do something tomorrow." Manny goes to her room to get dressed.

"Yeah, sounds like a plan." Emma falls onto the couch, a little on the tired side.

Manny finished getting ready for work, a little bummed about having to break her plans with her best friend. She exited her room, grabbing her bag and her keys. "I'll be home late."

"Kay, have fun." Emma tells her, not bothering to open her closed eyes.

"See if Sean or Jay are home; don't sit on the couch all night." Manny calls out as she leaves the apartment.

"Fine, I guess." Emma mumbles to herself since Manny's already gone. Emma stretches as she stands up, deciding if she should just go to bed instead. Her legs start moving, so Emma just walks over to Sean's place seeing as her brain isn't one with her body at the moment. Knocking on the door twice, Emma waits patiently for someone to open it.

"Hey Em, what's up?" Sean asks, opening the door wider to let her in.

"Manny had to flake on our plans, so she told me to come over here and not sit on our couch all night." Emma quotes Manny and makes her way inside.

"Oh, sorry, but I have to leave for work." Sean replies, putting his arm around his friend's shoulder.

"You know, we should really start coordinating our schedules." Emma tells him, noticing just how much each of them work.

"I think we just might have to."

"You mind of I stay here, that way I can tell Manny I was here without lying." Emma smiles a little.

"But you're just going to sit on the couch here." Sean says, picking up his jacket and slipping into it.

"Yes, but Manny said I couldn't sit on our couch. This couch is yours." Emma explains.

"It doesn't bother me; stay as long as you want." Sean gives her a smile, kisses her on the cheek, and heads out of the apartment.

Emma went into the kitchen, opening the freezer, hoping Sean had some ice cream. Luckily, he did. Taking it out, and grabbing a spoon, Emma sat down at the kitchen table. Scooping up a spoonful of the ice cream, Emma ate it slowly, contemplating how her life was going. She wasn't sitting there for more then ten minutes and still on her first spoonful of ice cream when the front door opened. Emma looked up, the spoon in her mouth, and was slowly pulling it out when she saw Jay come in. Jay stared at her. The first thing that popped into his mind was one of those cheesy porn videos, where a chick is dressed up like a manager or something in one of those exec. suits. Emma was wearing a pinstripe pencil skirt with a matching blazer, and an off-white cami under it. Jay looked to her legs, hoping those were thigh highs she was wearing. He shook his head slightly to get his mind out of the gutter.

"What're you doing here?" Jay asks, setting his carry-all clipboard down.

"Being fat." Emma says, scooping up another spoonful of ice cream.

"You're not fat." Jay replies. Emma shrugs with a look that says 'I know that'. "I'm gonna take a shower."

"It's your place, do as you please." Emma stuck the spoon in her mouth, slowly sucking the ice cream off it. Jay walked quickly to the bathroom, but tried not to make it obvious. He took a ten minute shower, hoping the cool water would calm his nerves down. When he got out, he put on a very loose pair of shorts, and saw that Emma moved herself onto the couch. Cautiously, he joined her on the couch.

"So, what are you really doing here?" Jay asks, looking at her briefly.

"Manny had to cancel our plans, and said I wasn't allowed to spend the night on our couch, so I came here to sit on yours." Emma smiles at her before returning her attention the TV, even though she was hardly paying attention to it.

"Hmm..." Jay looks down at her legs, wishing her skirt would go up just a little further to see if she was wearing tights or thigh highs. "I'm gonna order Chinese, you good with that?"

"Yep." Emma shifts in her spot, bringing her legs under her, allowing Jay to get a peak at her thigh highs. Jay got up before his thoughts could go any further up her legs. He placed his order, and pretended to be moving things around in the kitchen. Getting a beer from the fridge, he popped the lid off, and leaned against the counter, just watching Emma watch TV. Emma was not going to see what he was doing; all she was wishing was that he would put a shirt on. After he caught her looking at him before, she was trying her hardest not to look at him, but he sure knew how to exercise the right places. The knock on the door caused Jay and Emma both to come out of their own thoughts. Jay paid for the Chinese food, and Emma jumped off the couch. As Jay put the food down on the counter, the two became very close to each other. Jay kissed her, causing Emma to forget about the food and put all her energy into the kiss. Her hands went around his neck, moving up into his hair, and Jay picked her up. On the walk to his bedroom, Emma kissed his neck and lightly nibbled on his earlobe. Jay layed her on the bed, returning his mouth to hers and unbuttoned the three buttons of her blazer. She wiggled her arms out of her top and put her mouth back on Jay's. His hands caressed her stomach, making her camisole bunch up beneath her chest. He pushed it all the way up, breaking off the kiss to pull it over her head. Jay placed his lips on her collar bone as his hand found the clasp of Emma's bra. Snapping it, Jay slowly pulled the bra straps off Emma's shoulders. She shuttered slightly as she adjusted to being half naked. Jay moved his mouth to her breast, biting it gently. Emma moaned softly. She didn't know why she had so suddenly got into bed with Jay, but she definitely wasn't complaining.

Emma put on one of Jay's shirts and went to get the Chinese food that the two had so suddenly forgot about. She came back into the room, with the food on a tray.

"I'm starving." Jay says, picking up a piece of chicken and placing it in his mouth.

"Yeah, me too." Emma replies, eating some broccoli. Jay leaned over, giving Emma a soft kiss on the lips. Smiling at him, the two ate in relative silence, pondering the thought of this being something new.

* * *

**Chapter 15, part 3: Midnight Symphony**

_lets compose a symphony  
an overture of ecstasy  
over and over and over again_

Emma woke up and looked around the room. This wasn't her room. Turning her head to the left, there was Jay, still asleep. Looking down at herself, Emma was still in Jay's shirt. A smile formed on her lips as she remembered last night... _Oh crap! I spent the night here... with Jay.. which means I wasn't home... and Manny... and Sean... oh boy..._ Emma sat up, ready to get out of bed.

"Where are you going?" Jay asks groggily.

"Jay, I slept here last night." Emma tells him, looking at his eyes as they flutter open.

"Duh" Jay laughs to himself, wondering why Emma was telling him what he obviously knew.

"No, I mean I **slept** here." Emma looks at him more intently.

"I know you did-"

"I was here all night, so now we have to tell Sean and Manny." Emma cut him off, knowing he was still asleep and not getting her point.

"Oh, right..." Jay sat up a little, "Do you not want to tell them?"

"Um, well, I don't know... I mean we slept together..." Emma trails off, "... I mean, what are we doing?"

"Going back to sleep." Jay laughs to himself again.

"No, Jay, I'm serious." Emma looks down at the bed, wondering what Jay was thinking.

"Emma, I like you, which you should know, but just relax, and we'll see where this takes us, okay?" Jay makes her look at him. Emma nods, knowing that she wasn't just some girl to him. "Cool, now lay back down with me."

Emma moved closer to him, resting her head on his chest. All she could think about was how Manny and Sean were going to take that she slept with Jay. A slight smile formed on her lips as she pictured Sean flipping out. Jay ran his fingers up and down her back, gently tickling her with his finger tips. Enjoying every moment, Emma didn't want to leave the bed, but she knew she had to get up for work... and to explain this to Manny.

"I have to get going." Emma breaks through the silence.

"Why?" Jay half whines as he stops tickling her back.

"I have work." Emma tells him, sitting up and looking for her skirt.

"Ah, work, me too." Jay rubs his eyes, sitting up once again.

"I hope you're not late this time." Emma looks over at him as she slides into her skirt.

"Greg doesn't care if I'm late." Jay says, flipping the covers off him and standing up.

"You shouldn't be late for work." Emma walks around the bed, meeting him on the other side.

Jay slid his arms around her, hugging her and kissing her neck. Smiling at the touch of his lips on her, Emma forgot about going to work for a moment. Jay brought his lips to her, holding her tighter as the kiss deepened. Emma broke the kiss for two reasons, one she was out of breath, and two, she had to get ready for work.

"I'll see you later." Emma gives Jay a warm smile and one last lingering kiss on his lips before leaving his room. As she exits, she sees Sean in the kitchen eating a bowl of cereal. "Hi Sean." Emma says a little nervously.

"Jay, come out here." Sean calls out. He continues to eat his cereal, making Emma even more nervous. Emma sees Jay come out, and he looks at her and Sean.

"What?" Jay asks, looking at Sean.

"What's this?" Sean questions, motioning between Jay and Emma with his cereal bowl in hand.

"We had sex last night." Jay bluntly let the words out of his mouth, not giving it a second thought. Sean chokes a little on his cereal.

"Jay!" Emma half whispers, shocked that he said it like that.

"Come again?" Sean asks, shocked at what he just heard.

"We slept together last night, and then had some Chinese food, and now we are seeing where this goes." Jay tells him. He walks over to Emma, giving her a kiss on the cheek. "I'm gonna take a shower and get ready for work."

"Oh crap, work. I have to go. We'll talk later Sean." Emma gave him a quick peck and left to go get ready for work.

Sean looked around the room, which he was now alone in. Shaking his head in disbelief, Sean finished eating his cereal. All her could think about was punching Jay in the face, but he knew Emma wouldn't have slept with him if he didn't like her.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16, part 1: Hold My Heart**

_You could hold my heart.  
It's all yours if you want._

Jay was pacing around the office at the garage, wondering what he should do. He felt that being in Toronto was bringing out his old ways, and he wasn't sure if he could go back to that life. Things with Emma had been moving too fast, too soon. _Can you believe that? I think things are moving too fast. Almost unbelievable. I like her, I really like her, but can I love her? Can I make that commitment? It's all too soon... I mean I'm only going to be 22... On the other hand... I've been partying since I was about 13. Emma is great, she's... everything... so taking this big step won't really be a risk... will it?_ Jay sat down; trying to focus on some work, but his mind was too clouded. What am I going to do?

Emma was sitting at her own desk, working on the next campaign for her boss, Madeline. Her head was elsewhere though. She felt as if Jay was holding back, from what, she couldn't put her finger on. She felt like she could possibly say 'I love you' to him. _Can I really do that... can Jay be in a committed relationship? I'm not even 21 yet... yeah it's coming up... but still... that's young... but I have never been the type of girl to jump around... so maybe it's supposed to happen like this... maybe..._

Sean walked into his apartment, the first he did was take a shower. He couldn't wait until business picked up at the garage so he could stop working his shitty drop. As he got out, and put on a pair of shorts and a wife beater, he walked past Jay's room. His eyes caught a glimpse. Doing a double take, Sean couldn't believe it. I warned him. I told him I would kill him. Did he think I was joking? All those speeches I gave him, I figured they would eventually sink in... Apparently not. He is so dead. Just wait until he gets home... he's so gonna get it.

Jay threw his work down on the kitchen table, utterly exhausted. He looked up, seeing Sean in the doorway of his room, pretty much glaring at him.

"What?" Jay asks, raising his eyebrow.

"You're leaving." Sean states, not lightening up his glare.

"Yeah, I have to go back to Quebec, help Greg with some things." Jay replies, not looking in Sean's direction anymore.

"Does Emma know?" Sean queries, already knowing that she didn't.

"Um, no, I'm gonna tell her when she gets home from work." Jay tells him, checking the clock in the kitchen.

"Well, thanks for giving me some advanced notice, cuz ya know, we were paying for this place together." Sean turned around, walking into his room, not wanting to deal with Jay. He knew that this was going to hurt Emma.

Jay knew it as well. He sat down at the kitchen table, dreading Emma coming home. The time seemed to fly by though, and he knew she was going to be coming home from work any minute. He stood up, forcing himself to knock on the door across from his.

"Hey," Emma smiles, allowing him to come in.

"I, um, have to tell you something." Jay says, stepping inside.

"Um, what is it?" Emma notes his serious tone.

"I, have to go back to Quebec for a while." Jay tells her, not keeping eye contact with her.

"Oh," Emma says, a little disappointed.

"I'm not sure when I'm gonna come back." He finishes, shoving his hands in his pockets.

"Oh..." Is all Emma can spit out.

"Yeah, I um..." Jay is flustered. He looks up to meet her eyes, but she's looking at the floor.

"Good thing I decided not say it." Emma mumbles to herself.

"What?" Jay asks, hearing only part of what she said.

"Nothing," Emma say quickly, looking up at him, "Nothing. Um, get there safe." Emma says the only thing she can think of. "I, um, am gonna go shower." Turning around, Emma heads into the bathroom and starts the water. Letting the water act as her tears, it falls over her. Jay watched her walk into the bathroom and felt as if he was breaking inside. Never feeling that way before, Jay knew he did need to leave, so he could decipher his feelings. He left her apartment, picked up his bags, and headed down to his car.

Emma got out of the shower, noticing Jay was gone. Part of her hoped he would change his mind and he would still be in her living room. Putting on lounge pants and a tank top, Emma crawled into her bed. She felt like she should be crying or something, but didn't want to be one of those girls. Of course she was sad, she was going to tell him 'I love you', and all she could be do was be happy that she didn't, otherwise she really would be crushed. Manny walked into the house, looking around, thinking Emma should be home. When she found her in bed, she knew something was wrong.

"Emma, what's wrong?" Manny asks, sitting on the bed by her.

"Jay left." Emma tells her, her voice soft.

"Oh, well, he'll come back." Manny reassures her.

"No, he said he didn't know if he was or not." Emma sniffles, "I was going to tell him I loved him."

"Oh hun," Manny moves closer, lying down beside her. Putting her arm over Emma to comfort her, Manny didn't know what else to do; all she could think about was how good it was that Emma didn't get a chance to say 'I love you'. As the two relaxed, Emma's phone started ringing; Manny prayed that is wasn't Jay.

* * *

**Chapter 16, part 2: If it's My Game, I Can't Lose**

_You and I were cut from the same piece of I don't know where this is going.  
Well it's not easy. But no one said breathing would ever be this hard to do._

_It was Zack on the phone. I motioned for Manny to leave the room so I can talk to him in private._

"Hey, I haven't heard from you in weeks." _I tell him as I sit up in my bed._

"You didn't think I forgot about you, did you?" Zack asks playfully.

"Eh, maybe a little." _I reply, my spirits are beginning to lift_.

"We had to go on tour, it was totally out of the blue, and I couldn't call you with everyone around me." Zack explains. _I smile into the phone._

"How was it?"_I ask, referring to the tour._

"Pretty good, we played for some labels, and we were able to hit a lot of small towns. I like the small town feel, ya know?"

"Yeah, that's good..." _I trail off, not knowing what else to say._

"What's up with you, you sound a little sad?" Zack asks his voice full of sincerity.

"I had this boyfriend-ish kinda guy, but he left today_." I tell him, wondering how I was supposed to refer to Jay._

"Boyfriend-ish kinda..." Zack repeats. "If he wasn't your boyfriend, don't sweat it, any guy who leaves you is crazy."

"Thanks Zack."_I smile a little wider. He always knows the right thing to say. The guy is truly talented in the charming department._

"Anytime," Zack pauses, "I was wondering if you wanted to get together..."_He sounds shy, and I can picture just how cute he looks._

"Yeah, what days good for you?" _I ask, a little excitement stirring up in me._

"How about Friday?" Zack suggests. _Today's Wednesday, that's enough time for me to fully get over Jay, if that's possible._

"Yeah, I get out of work around five." _I say to him, playing with the ends of my pillowcase._

"Cool, so where something casual," Zack takes another pause, "something you wouldn't mind getting a little dirty."

"Zack!" _I half whisper into the phone playfully._

"That's not what I meant. Get your head out of the gutter Emma." _Zack laughs into the phone and I can just picture his smile._

"So, where are you taking me?" _I question, wondering if I can get an answer from him._

"No way, not telling. It's going to be a surprise." Zack replies. _I sigh a little; making sure Zack can hear it on his side of the phone._

"Fine, I guess." _I sigh again._

"I can't see you pouting, so it's not going to work over the phone." _Zack tells me, and I hear him chuckle to himself._

"Okay, okay,"_I reply coyly._ "I'll see you Friday then?"

"Of course, sweet dreams." Zack says, _his voice sounds so sweet when he says sweet_.

"Bye," _I say shyly. I wait till I hear his phone hang up before hanging up mine. I settle back into my bed, wondering if going out with Zack is the right thing to do. I like him, and he's so sweet, and so different from the guys I usually date. Plus, Jay and I weren't really official. He left me anyway, so why should I waste my time on him. That's it... I won't. I am going out with Zack on Friday._


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17, part 1: Hang Your Halo, Pt. 1**

_Let's speak in whispers and in codes.  
And cross our fingers no one knows_

"You're ready already?" Manny asks, shocked that Emma was dressed already.

"Zack said to wear something that I wouldn't mind getting dirty in." Emma tells her, leaning against the counter in the kitchen.

"Oo, kinky," Manny flashes Emma a grin as she leans over the couch.

"Not like that Manny!"

"Well then where's he taking you?" She asks, resting her chin in her hand.

"He wouldn't tell me." Emma shrugs. She stopped trying to figure out what Zack was up to. There's a knock on the door.

"He's here!" Manny squeals, jumping off the couch and answering the door. "Hey cutie,"

"Manny!" Emma laughs, "Remember, no one is to know about this." She whispers on her way out the door.

"Don't do anything I wouldn't do!" Manny calls out as Zack and Emma walk down the hallway. Emma laughs to herself

"Sorry about her." Emma says to Zack, smiling at him.

"She must be fun to live with." Zack states, his own smile on his face.

"That she is," Emma pauses, "So where are we going tonight?"

"You'll see," Zack and Emma get into his car. The drive for a while, all the while, Zack refuses to tell Emma where he's taking her. This is making Emma all the more excited.

"The woods?" Emma asks confused.

"Just walk with me." Zack takes her hand after they get out of the car. They walk down a trail for about fifteen minutes. As they get closer, they walk up some big rocks, and end on a big cliff that overlooks a river. You can see the outer city, but it's quiet and peaceful.

"It's beautiful." Emma tells him, almost whispering.

"I know you're an environmentalist, so I thought this was a good place for our first date." Zack declares, leading her to a blanket he laid out over the concrete. The two sit down, "Okay, I didn't go all out, no cheesy dinner and candles, but I did bring us a snack." Zack pulls out a big bag of chocolate pretzels.

"These are my favorite." Emma announces, wondering if this could get any more perfect.

"I remember saying you did, nice touch huh?" Zack gives Emma a little smirk as he takes out a pretzel for Emma.

"You remember?" Emma queries, wondering when it was that she said she loved chocolate pretzels.

"Of course, I remember everything you say... okay, most things."

"Wow," Emma says to herself. "I'm really enjoying this, thanks Zack." Emma says to him.

"Cool, I'm glad." Zack smiles at her and lays his hand on hers. Emma leaned into him and looked out into the water. The breeze hitting Emma's face, and the touch of Zack's warm hand on hers created chills. Noticing her shiver, Zack took his hand off hers to put his arm around her shoulder. Minutes went by that turned into an hour, and the cold air began to get colder. "Let's go before it gets any colder." Zack stands up, helping Emma up, and grabbing the blanket. The two walked back with the blanket around them. After buckling her seatbelt, Emma turned to Zack.

"This has been the best date I have ever been on." Emma looks at Zack, a warm smile on her face.

"I'm glad." Zack looks at her briefly before putting his eyes back on the road. Twenty minutes later they arrived back at Emma's apartment. Walking Emma back to her door, Zack gave Emma a gentle lingering kiss. "Can we do this again?"

"Definitely." Emma gives Zack a little smirk and headed into her apartment. Zack smiled as the door closed, and walked back down to his car a happy man. Manny, who was sitting on the living room couch, looked at the smiling Emma walking into their apartment.

"Give me full details Missy!" Manny announces.

"Manny, it was the best date I have ever, ever been on. He was amazing, and so sweet, and he remembered that I love chocolate pretzels." Emma holds the bag out for Manny to see.

"Oo, I want one." Manny takes the bag, and Emma joins her on the couch. "Zack seems like Prince Charming."

"He is," Emma states, "he is..."

* * *

**Chapter 17, part 2: Hang Your Halo, Pt. 2**

_Where all our secrets are kept between our ears  
Where we will keep them locked away._

"Zack, I haven't heard from you all week." Emma says into the phone, disappointment in her voice.

"I know, but we had a couple practices, and we're trying to get our demo done." Zack explains, disappointed as well.

"Well, when can I see you?" Emma asks, hoping he can get away for a couple hours.

"Shit, someone's coming, I'll call you back." Zack took the phone away from his ear, but put it back, "Promise."

"Bye." Emma hung up, even more disappointed_. I understand that this needs to be kept a secret, I don't really like it, but I understand it. I'm also happy that Zack was okay with me telling Manny and Sean. I just wish we could see each other_. Sighing, Emma pulled out her laptop, figuring if she couldn't see Zack, then she might as well get her work finished. The hour went by, Emma not once taking her eyes off her work. Trying hard to stay focused on it, all she thought about was how she wishes she could be more like Manny, or how she wished Sean didn't have to work two jobs. She missed hanging out, she missed her friends, she missed being able to have a real boyfriend. The ringing of her phone brought her out of her thoughts. "Hello?" She asks exasperated.

"Em, you okay?" Zack questions, watching to make sure no ones around him.

"Oh, hi Zack, yeah I'm fine, what's up?" Emma asks, changing her tone a bit.

"I canceled practice for tonight."

"Oh, why'd you do that?" Emma queries, knowing that they were trying to get signed.

"I made plans for us, so I hope you're not busy." Zack tells her, crossing his fingers.

"Um yeah, I'm just catching up on some work." Emma says, saving her writing.

"You sure you want to hang out, can you get away from work?"

"Of course, I miss you." Emma tells him, softening her voice.

"Good, so put a bathing suit on under your clothes, and I'll pick you up in about fifteen minutes." Zack says, beginning to get excited about seeing his girlfriend.

"A bathing suit... Zack, it's still too cold for a bathing suit." Emma's voice is suspicious.

"Just please put one on, fifteen minutes." Zack hung up, smiling to himself. He hoped Emma was going to like what he had planned. Emma hung up the phone and looked at it curiously. She walked to her room, searching through clothes for a bathing suit. As she found two, she laid them out on the bed, staring at the two, pondering which one Zack would like better. Deciding on her black bikini that had a pink outline cut out star on the left corner of the bottoms, and the right corner of the right side of the top. On top of her bathing suit, Emma pulled on an old, comfortable pair of low-rise jeans, and a pretty tight, long sleeve top. Zack knocked on her door, causing Emma to quickly put her sneakers on.

"One sec." Emma calls out to him. She opened the front door, "Okay, so do I need anything else?"

"Nope." Zack shakes his head.

"But I assume we are going to be near water, so should I bring a towel or-"

"Nope, come on." Zack gives her a little smirk, taking her hand in his. Emma pulled her door closed, locking it quickly, and held Zack's hand as they walked to his car. A restless Emma sat in the front seat of almost a forty minute drive. Zack peered over at his girlfriend, noting her anxious face as she looked out the window. He laid his hand on her leg, softly stroking the denim fabric with his thumb. "Relax Em, we're almost there."

"But what are we doing?" She pleaded, giving him her big, wondering eyes.

"No, don't give me that look. I promise we are almost there, don't make me spoil it." Zack tries not to give into Emma. "Now, I'm going to tell you that this house," Zack pulls up into the driveway, "is my parents." Zack looks at her shocked face. "They are away on vacation, and told me that I could come home whenever I wanted." Zack gets out of the car, with Emma following suit. Holding the car door open for her, Emma gets out, and Zack closes it. "Follow me." Zack opens the front door to the house he grew up in.

"It feels so homey." Emma says, looking at all the cute trinkets and family photos. Zack gives her a tour of the downstairs as they pass the rooms. They stop at an enclosed Jacuzzi.

"This is it." Zack tells her, hoping she'll like it.

"A Jacuzzi? I've been in one like once in my entire life." Emma stares at it, washing the water move from the jets.

"Yeah, so you can get changed right in here, there's a towel hanging up for you, and come out when you're ready." Zack gives her a warm smile, allowing her to enter the changing room. He took off his own clothes, putting them on the shelf. Sitting down in the Jacuzzi, he stared down at the water, hoping Emma was really liking the whole alone in a Jacuzzi thing. Hearing the door open caused Zack to look up. Emma was holding the towel around her body, walking carefully towards the Jacuzzi. Slowly, Emma let her towel slide down to the floor. Zack watched in amazement, Emma was absolutely stunning. Nervously, Emma got into the Jacuzzi, increasingly becoming covered by the water.

"Hi." Emma says timidly.

"Hey." Zack moves closer to her, "So you like it?"

"Yeah, it's sweet." Emma meets his eyes.

"Cool, I'm happy you like it." Zack gives her a soft kiss. "You look incredible in your bathing suit."

"Yeah?" Emma smiles warmly.

"Yeah." Zack agrees, kissing her softly again. Emma kisses back, intensifying the passion. Slightly turning her body towards his, Zack runs his fingertips against her cheek. Swiftly, Emma moves onto Zack's lap, her legs on either side of him, never breaking the kiss. Zack's hands move to her waist, lightly holding her as their kiss continues to deepen. His hands slide up her back, slowly and roughly. He slowly pulled away, breathing in shallow breaths. "Emma," He took another breath as Emma kissed his cheek and began to go towards his neck. "I think we should... wait."

"Wait?" Emma repeats, lifting her head up from his neck.

"Yeah... I mean I really like you... and I don't want to rush... into the physical... until we spend some time... together."

"Really?" Emma smiles at him softly, "You want to... wait... you want to be with me?"

"Of course," Zack says. "I know how Tristan treated you... and I won't do that to you." Leaning down, Emma let a delicate kiss linger on his lips. _He really is perfect_.


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18, part 1: Hang Your Halo, Pt. 3**

_Let's wear these sheets around as clothes.  
And wear deceit around as robes that we can hide in._

"What do you think you're going to do?" Manny asks Emma, plopping down on her bed.

"I don't know." Emma holds up another outfit against her body. "He always says that it's a surprise."

"He's really sweet." Manny smiles. "So..."

"I told you already Manny, we haven't had sex." Emma looks at Manny through the mirror.

"Okay, but maybe..." Manny bounced lightly from side to side suggestively.

"Yeah, I thought that too." Emma agrees and holds another outfit up to her.

"What's the occasion?" Manny asks, standing to help her friend.

"He said whatever I'm comfortable in." Emma looks at herself and the outfit held up against her body.

"You have to wear something sexy." Manny starts going through Emma's closet.

"Manny, if tonight's not the night; you can't force it to be." Emma tells her best friend.

"Why can't it be tonight? You guys have been together for a couple weeks. He's amazing, you're amazing." Manny pulls out a short sleeved gold colored sequin scoop dress.

"Manny, that's a form fitting dress." Emma says, as if Manny didn't realize what she pulled out.

"Duh," Manny replies, "It's perfect." Manny pushes it towards Emma. "Try it on and you'll agree with me." Reluctantly, Emma takes the dress from Manny and puts it on. Standing in the mirror, Emma couldn't help but stare at the dress.

"You don't think it's a little short?" Emma turns to Manny.

"Do you realize who you just asked that question to?" Manny smiles a bit. "He is going to love it!" Manny straightens out the dress a little. "What time is he picking you up?"

"He asked me to drive to him." Emma looks at Manny for a sign.

"Oo, he does have something special plan." Manny pouts for a second. "I wish he was more like Sean, then I would be in on the loop."

"If he told you, it wouldn't be a surprise for me." Emma states, a mile on her face.

"I don't tell you all the time... sometimes it just slips." Manny shrugs her shoulders. "Oh, where these pumps. They are really comfortable for three inch heals." Manny gives Emma her shoes and looks at the time. "Hurry, and I want to know every little thing, right down to the second." Manny tells her as she walks Emma to the door. Emma nods in agreement.

"Right down to the millisecond." Emma grabs her purse as Manny pushes her out the door. Giving her a big smile, Manny waved as Emma left. Taking the forty minute drive, Emma arrived at Zack's parents' house. All she could do was think about how if her and Tristan's relationship wasn't so... rocky, then they wouldn't have to go to Zack's old house... but it was a nice house. Slowly, Emma got out of her car, wondering what Zack had planned. Knocking lightly on the door, she waited for Zack to answer. Checking her watch real quick, Emma was only ten minutes late. Zack opened the door, his shirt unbuttoned.

"Hey." Zack smiles sweetly at her as he buttons his shirt.

"Hi." Emma says back, reaching to give him a kiss on the cheek.

"Come in." Zack stands out of the way, watching Emma's body move as she entered the house. "You look amazing."

"Thanks." Emma bent down to un-strap her pumps, allowing her feet to be able to slide out of them. "So, what do you have planned this evening?" Emma asks sweetly, looking up at her boyfriend.

"I um," Zack pulls his eyes away from Emma's dressed. "I made dinner for us." Zack takes her hand, lightly pulling her with him to the kitchen. "This is a family recipe, except I tweaked it for you."

"Why'd you tweak it?" Emma questions, looking at the food Zack had laid out.

"The sauce had meat in it; you don't eat meat, so I tweaked it." Zack begins to make her a plate. "If I say gravy, I'm talking about the sauce. I have some Portuguese in me, we call it gravy."

"Got it." Emma smiles at him. "This is really nice."

"Cool, I'm glad you like it." Zack hands Emma her plate. "Just wait till you try it." Zack takes his plate and they walk to the table. The two sit across from each other, a glass of wine already at their plates, with two lit candles on either side of the table.

"This is really good." Emma looks up at Zack as she finishes chewing. "I love spaghetti."

"Good, hopefully you'll like desert too." Zack smiles at her. "I didn't make it though, not really anyway."

"What's for desert?" Emma asks coyly. Zack wipes his mouth with a napkin, looking up to meet Emma's big eyes.

"I'm going to tell you," Zack spoke slowly, trying to avoid her dress. "You are making it extremely hard to... concentrate on anything while you're wearing that dress." Zack carefully finishes the spaghetti on his plate as does Emma.

"Really?" Emma looks at their almost finished plates. "Anything I can do to... fix that?" Emma looks across the table to meet Zack's gaze, smiling warmly. Zack stands up, picking up his plate.

"I can think of a few things." Zack's voice is just above a whisper as he picks up Emma's plate. Placing them in the sink, Zack turns on the faucet, and Emma takes another sip of her wine.

"Do you want me to help you?" Emma asks, getting up from the table and quietly walking over to Zack.

"No, your job is to relax." Zack tells her, not hearing her walk over to him. "Go into the living room, I'll be there in a sec."

"Okay." Emma whispered near his ear as she positioned herself behind him. Leaning against his back, Emma gave him a tender kiss on the cheek. Emma walked out of the kitchen and into the living room. Zack rinsed off the dishes, telling himself he'd wash them later. Drying of his hands on the kitchen towel, Zack walked into the living room. One the couch sat Emma, her legs curled under her, her body turned, facing to entrance way to the dining room. Zack walked over to her, mesmerized by the way her dress slowly began to reveal her thighs. Putting her elbow onto the back of the couch, Emma rested her head in her hand as she watch Zack sit down next to her. "Why are you sitting so far away from me?" Emma asks, her voice sweet. Zack looked at the space between them; it was only two or three inches. He looked up at her, realizing he wasn't going to be able to ignore his hormones anymore. Moving closer to her, Zack gave her a soft kiss, letting her decide what she wanted to do. As Emma kissed back, she knew tonight was the night. Delicately, Emma placed her hand on Zack's cheek. Their kiss was passionate, yet so gentle. Letting her hand fall from his cheek to his shirt, Emma began unbuttoning the buttons on Zack's shirt. As she came to the conclusion that she undid all of the buttons, Emma moved so her legs were on either side of him. Zack rested his hands just above her knees as Emma ran her hand along his bare chest. Standing up, Zack held Emma into him and she wrapped her legs around him. Moving his hands to her thighs to get a better grip on her, Zack felt no fabric. The form fitted dress slid up her legs, just covering the bottom of her butt. He walked slowly as the two remained in a lip lock. As they made it to his old bedroom, Zack gently put Emma down so her feet were on the floor. She pushed his shirt off of his body, allowing it to find comfort on the floor. Placing his hands on the bottom of Emma's dress, he very carefully began to lift it up. She broke the kiss to raise her arms over her head as Zack pulled the dress all the way off, allowing it to make friends with the floor and his shirt. Staring at each other briefly, their mouths found each others again. Emma's hands found the button of Zack's jeans as Zack's mouth made its way down her neck. As the rest of their clothes found the floor, Zack and Emma became intertwined in each other and the bed sheets.

* * *

**Chapter 18, part 1: Hang Your Halo, Pt 4**

_You say that you can't help the way you feel.  
Well nothing feels like feeling nothing._

_I've been miserable... to say the least anyway. I can't... I mean... all I've been doing is working... and Greg's seen 'the change in me'... as he puts it. He thinks I should take the job in Toronto... and I think I should take it too. I never thought I would miss E-... my friends this much. Its only been two weeks... but I don't know... I have all my things in order here... I closed the lease on my apartment... all my bills are paid... my stuff is all packed... so I guess I just have to hope Sean was able to keep up with the bills at the apartment. I should probably give him a call... but if he's mad... nah... I'll just show up..._ Jay gathered his stuff into the trailer and hooked it to his car. Taking the hour or so drive back to Toronto, his head was only on one thing. He wondered if Sean was working, and then he remembered he kept his copy of the key. Now all he had to do was find it. Jay pulled into the parking lot, not seeing Sean's car... maybe he was going to be able to avoid Sean's lecture, knowing that Sean had one for him. He took a handful of things up with him to the apartment. He began piling the boxes and things up in the corner of his room. Part of him was happy that he didn't have to deal with Sean right this second, or see Manny and Emma. Trying just to focus on setting his things up, Jay stopped, looking at the door to Manny and Emma's apartment. Just as he was bringing in the last of his boxes, Jay saw someone going up the stairs. Enthralled by the outfit she was wearing, Jay walked a little faster to see who it was wearing the outfit. As he got to hallway, he saw Emma in a short form fitting dress, opening her door. His mouth hung open, she looked amazing in that sequined dress. Her pumps were in her hands, and she was digging around in her purse for her key. Forcing his eyes off her, Jay put the boxes in front of his face to make it look like he couldn't see her, and proceeded to Sean's place. Hearing Sean's apartment door open, Emma turned around.

"Hi, why are you going in there?" Emma asks, not realizing who was stepping inside.

"I live here." Jay replies, turning around to face her.

"Oh..." Emma gets quiet. She wasn't expecting to see Jay.

"You look amazing." He tells her, putting the boxes down inside the apartment door.

"Uh-..." Emma, suddenly embarrassed, pulls her dress down, "Thanks."

"Um, so, how've you been." Jay asks, still watching her move in her tight dress.

"Fine, good... you?"

"Same, sort of." Jay admits. He takes another look at her dress, and realizes how early it is. "Did you have a work event or something?"

"Uh..." Emma looks down at her outfit, remembering the magnificent night she just spent with Zack. "...s-s-something-g l-like that." She looks at Jay. "I have to... get inside." With that said, Emma opened her door and went inside. Jay stared at the closed door for a few seconds, wondering why that was so awkward. He tried to focus on getting all his things set up, and making sure he didn't mess anything up in the apartment because he knew after what just happened with Emma that Sean was indeed going to have a 'talk' with him. Deciding he didn't want to spend his time at an empty apartment, Jay went down to the garage, figuring he can put the open signs up and clean up the shop...

Emma walked into her apartment, leaning against the closed door. Sighing, she couldn't believe how incredibly awkward that was. Of course she had just come back from having sex with her boyfriend, and Jay just had to be outside the apartment. Trying not to think about what had just happened, Emma went to take a shower._ I can't believe that Jay is here... is back... he's back. He's living across from me again. Why is he back? Is he doing this to torture me? Does he know I still kinda like him._


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19, Part 1: Lonely Nights**

_So many lonely nights  
So many lonely nights  
I hoped you'd call_

Emma sat down on her bed, allowing her head to fall on her pillow. She hadn't been able to talk to or see Zack in a couple days. Knowing she couldn't call him, Emma just sighed. She hated that they're relationship had to be a secret, but if Tristan found out, the band would be ruined. Hating herself, Emma thought over the consequences. This wasn't right, lying to everyone... but she really liked Zack, he is perfect... except for one thing... the secret relationship. Emma didn't want to be the cause of the band's break up, and she definitely didn't want to put Zack in the middle, making him choose her or the band... so a secret relationship it was going to stay. Manny swung the door open to Emma's room.

"You are not going to spend the night in here." Manny tells her, her voice firm.

"Why not?" Emma asks, not bothering to look at her.

"Because... it's unhealthy..." Manny trails off, trying to find something to say. "Sean's off tonight, let's go out."

"If Sean goes, then Jay will go." Emma states, wondering why she brought up Jay.

"So, Em, you have the most amazing boyfriend ever... just remember that."

"Yeah... I know." Emma sighs... _Zack really is perfect_...

"I'm gonna go call Sean, see what he's up to." Manny bounced out of the room. Emma wondered why she was so bubbly. All week she was promoting the movie, and she already had another script to memorize. Once high school ended, Manny got out of her depressed moods... even when a date didn't go that well, she chalked it up to a bad connection. "Hey Em, Sean and Jay already had plans to go out, so we are going to tag along. Get dressed." Manny calls out to her. Emma sat up, and looked down at her outfit. Forgetting to change when she got home from work... Emma dragged herself over to her closet, pulling out a pair of jeans and a fitted tee. Manny pulled her out of the apartment and next door. _Wow, a night out with friends... and Jay... and no word from my boyfriend in three days... and I have to go out with a guy... I still kinda sorta have feelings for... great..._ Emma stayed quiet as the group made their way to the bar. Every once in a while Manny would direct a question to Emma, who would then give a one word answer. Once inside the bar, Emma flirted with the younger bartender so she could get some drinks. As she downed her screwdrivers, all Emma wished was that she could hear Zack. Looking up at the stage, and a band she wasn't familiar with, Emma remembered how many times she saw Operation: Jealousy play on that stage. Her mind was elsewhere as her friends made conversation.

"Emma, hello? Em?" Manny waves her hand in front of her face.

"Huh?" Emma snaps out of her daydream.

"You okay Em?" Sean asks, looking over at how many drinks she's had.

"Yeah..." Emma lies.

"She just misses Z-" Manny gets cut off by Emma, who kicks her under the table. "Ow."

"What was that?" Jay queries, looking at the two exchange looks, and Manny's pained expression.

"Nothing." Emma mumbles. "Nothing."

* * *

**Chapter 19, part 2: Radio Pt. 1**

_Staring into space like I'm not even there  
I swear I'm not alone_

Jay looked at Emma suspiciously, wondering why she seemed so... different. It was almost as if her glow was gone. Not that she looked any less beautiful, but it seemed like she didn't even care. usually Emma put thought into her outfit when she went out. The outfit she was wearing showed Jay that she really wasn't in that great a mood. Her style always reflected her mood. Part of him just wanted to talk to her, and the other part wanted to feel her. She continued to stare down at her nearly empty glass, making the liquid swoosh around.

"Em, dance with me?" Manny pleads with her eyes.

"Um.. Manny... I don't really want to." Emma says softly, not wanting to just blow Manny off.

"Come on, please?"

"Sean will dance with you." Emma tells her quickly. Looking over at Sean, now Emma pleads with her eyes.

"Yeah, I'll dance with you." Sean says, standing up.

"Yay!" Manny squeals. _That is one thing that will never change about Manny. She will always love dancing, and she will always have that carefree glee when she's doing something she loves. _Now it was only Emma and Jay left at the table. Emma finished off her drink in one last gulp. Jay watched her, knowing something was up.

"Hey, you okay?" Jay asks, not knowing what kind of a response he was going to get.

"Why do you care?" Emma sneers. She orders another screwdriver.

"Don't be like that." Jay tells her, keeping his voice soft.

"Sorry..." Emma exhales. "Must be the drinks." She picks up her glass and takes a couple sips.

"Why are you drinking so much tonight?" Jay queries, remembering that she hardly drank.

"I'm just a little stressed... no biggy"

"You want to talk about it?"

"No." Emma replies quickly, so quickly that it makes Jay even more curious.

"Em, I know I just kinda left... but I had to close some things in Quebec, and figure some things out." Jay pauses. "I just... you can still talk to me... like you used to."

"Jay..." Emma looks down at the table. "I can't."

"Why not?" Jay questions, looking at her even though she's staring down.

"We used to... whenever we... I can't..." Emma sighs, frustrated that she can't figure out how to word what she wanted to say.

"We...?" Jay waits for her to continue.

"We can't... do whatever it was that we were doing." Emma finally manages to say. Jay just looks at her, wondering if she meant hanging out, or the things they did as they hung out. Emma continued staring down into the table, allowing her insides to eat her up. Once again she drifted off into a day dream. As she stared into space, two things were on her mind... two people... the perfect guy with the secret relationship, or the open relationship with the not-as-perfect guy. The two clouded her mind...right now she really, really needed to see Zack... even hearing from him would do the trick... how much longer can she keep this a secret... how much longer...


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20, part 1: Radio Pt. 2**

_Trying to be what you want me to be  
I guess I can't catch up_

Emma was diligently working on her laptop, still a little annoyed that Zack has still yet to call her. She figured he could at least text her or something... all these days apart... what did that mean to him? Sighing, Emma just put her head back into her work, quietly ignoring Manny's bubbly personality and her singing through the apartment. Manny was getting ready to go on a date, and she couldn't be more excited, Emma, however, really didn't care, but that was because she was in her own little depressed world. Part of Manny wanted to go over to Zack and yell at him until he started calling Emma regularly, but Manny knew Emma would kill her if she did that. Plus, Manny didn't even know where he was.

Jay just got home from the garage. He was happy that business was picking up. Sean was happy too, he was so close to not having to work so much. Jay got out of the shower, put on a pair of shorts and began working out. He hoped it would clear his mind. Sean appeared in the doorway, staring at Jay.

"You turning queer, Cameron?" Jay smirks as he continues to lift the bar.

"Har-har." Sean says sarcastically. "You doing something tonight?"

"I might stop by Todd's... why?" Jay took a breath as he lifted the bar again.

"Manny's going out... and I'm going out..."

"Are you telling me you and Manny are going out with each other?" Jay puts the bar up and sits up.

"No, I'm saying I need some me time... and Manny has a date or something." Sean blew it off.

"Okay... why are you telling me this?" Jay gives him a curious look.

"Emma's home alone, so if you decide not to go out." Sean gives him a look, "Or if you do and get home before me or Manny, just check on her."

"She needs a babysitter?" Jay ignores Sean's look, trying to play it cool.

"... She's... a little... depressed..." Sean tries to choose his words carefully. "I know you want to see her anyhow," Sean gave him a side smirk.

"Whatever." Jay shrugs it off, still confused about Emma.

"Okay, well I'm heading out." Sean gives Jay one last look, knowing by the look on Jay's face that his mind was on Emma. He backed out of the doorway, grabbed his keys, and headed out. Jay went back to lifting weights, wondering what would happen if he did stop by Emma's. As his reps increased, Jay decided that stopping by won't be a bad thing. He'd be there for a couple minutes' tops. Throwing on a loose pair of dark jeans, and a black t-shirt, along with his hoodie, Jay got his hat and keys, walking out of the apartment. Knocking lightly on Emma's door, he waited for her to answer it.

"Um... hi." Emma says meekly.

"Hey, you need anything?" Jay asks, trying not to stare at her.

"No, I'm good." Emma stares at the floor.

"You sure, I can pick something up for you..." Jay looks over her body since her eyes are on the floor.

"No, thank you though." Emma looks up at him, and looks back down.

"Okay, I know everyone is gone, if you need anything, just call me." Jay hopes he didn't come off as hard as he thought he did.

"Yeah..." Emma nods slightly. Jay gives her another look over before heading down the hallway. Picking up her head, Emma watched Jay descend the stairs. Closing the door softly, Emma sighed. She hated that her mind was on Jay... when it should be on her boyfriend. Just then she heard her cell phone ringing. Rushing into her room, Emma couldn't help but smile a teeny bit as she read her caller ID. "Hey..."

"Hey Emma, sorry I haven't been able to call you." Zack sounds so sincere...

"No problem." Emma lies.

"I was hoping you weren't busy." Zack waits as Emma pauses.

"Um... no not really." Emma looks at her work, which was already finished.

"Cool... maybe I can come down..." Zack waits patiently, hoping Emma will say yes.

"Yeah." Emma smiles a bit, happy that she'll finally see her boyfriend.

"Cool, be there in fifteen minutes or so." Zack and Emma hang up. She straightens up her room, putting her work into her bag, and making sure she saved the files on her computer. Going through the house, Emma made sure it looked descent. Zack knocked on the door, and Emma hurried to answer it. "hey, I've missed you."

"I've missed you." Emma tells him, giving him a soft kiss. Zack smiled as she pulled away, bringing her back to him. Giggling, Emma kissed him again, pulling him into her apartment. "How've you been?" Emma asks after they pull apart.

"Band has been busy, but its good." Zack nods a bit. Putting his arm around her, the two walk to the couch.

"That's good." Emma agrees. She was so happy to spend some time with her boyfriend, Zack and Emma spent the night watching TV, and kissing. It was almost perfect, but part of her couldn't help but think about how long it would be until the next time she saw him. A couple hours went by, and Emma kept pushing the thought out of her mind. Getting up to get herself, and Zack a drink, there was a knock at the door.

"I got it." Zack says over his shoulder as he gets up to answer it.

"Um, is Emma here?" Jay asks, staring at the guy before him.

"Yeah, she's in the kitchen." Zack replies, looking Jay over.

"Oh, well I just wanted to stop by to see if she needed anything." Jay tells him, jealousy rumbling in the pit of his stomach.

"Well, she's good." Zack says as Emma walks behind him.

"Hun, who's at the-" Emma sees Jay, "Hi Jay."

"Hey Em, I was just checking on you, but you're fine, so later." Jay turned around and went into his apartment.

* * *

**Chapter 20 part 2: Radio, Pt. 3**

_Hearing the words as they're leaving my mouth  
I can't believe myself_

Zack closed the door and turned to face Emma. They stood silent... with Emma still holding their drinks.

"That's Jay..." Zack says out loud, not needing Emma to confirm it.

"Yeah, is something wrong?" Emma looks at Zack.

"Why was he checking on you?" Zack meets her eyes, becoming jealous over Jay as he remembered Emma talking to him about him.

"Sean and Manny thought I would be lonely or something." Emma tells him, trying to be honest with him.

"Why would they think that?"

"Maybe its because I haven't heard from you in nearly a week." Emma snaps, looking down at the ground.

"Emma, you know this has to stay a secret." Zack's voice softens.

"Yeah, I know." Emma allows her voice to soften as well. "It's just hard."

"Well, it's not like you're lonely." Zack let his thoughts slip out of his mouth.

"What?" Emma asks, looking up at him.

"Jay apparently checks on you." Zack slips again.

"Yeah, it's what friends do when their friend is upset." Emma allows her voice to get firm.

"It's just weird, since you two had something." Zack tells her, folding his arms across his chest.

"Yeah, and he left me... and I'm with you." Emma says the last part softly.

"I know... I know." Zack agrees. "This is just... really hard."

"Then... maybe we shouldn't do it anymore." Emma stares at the ground. Shocked by the words that came out of her mouth, Emma looked up.

"What're you saying?" Zack asks, becoming worried.

""I think... I guess I'm saying... that this is hard..." Emma pauses, not believing she is saying this... "and maybe we should... just take a break... and maybe we... or..." Emma pauses, tongue-tied... "I don't like having to worry about you for a week before I finally hear from you... and I hate not being able to see you... and I like you... so much... which makes it a hundred times harder..." Emma stops, a little relieved she got all that off her chest.

"I-" Zack just looks at her... "I like you... a lot... and if this is hurting you this much... then we should... stop... seeing each... other..." Zack is barely able to get the words out. He leans over to her, giving her a very soft, lingering kiss. "Bye Emma." He speaks as soft as his kiss. Watching him walk out the door, a single tear falls from her eye. Blinking to make the tears go away, Emma saw that Zack was gone. Going into the kitchen, Emma put the drinks down she was holding. Opening the freezer, she got out the container of cookie dough ice cream. Looking over the empty house, Emma sighed. Getting out a spoon out of the draw, she took the lid off the ice cream. Knowing she didn't want to be alone, Emma walked really slowly over to Jay's It took a couple minutes for Emma to knock on the door.

"Yeah?" Jay flings the door open, wiping the sweat that was building on his forehead from working out.

"I need something." Emma says quietly, staring down into the ice cream. Noting the look on Emma's face, Jay ushered her in.

"Okay..." Jay followed her in, and the two sat down on the couch. They shared ice cream and watched TV. Jay wanted to ask Emma what happened, and he hoped that she wasn't with the guy that was just at her apartment, but he knew she would tell him when she wanted to.


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21, part 1: Breathe In, Pt.1**

_I'll breathe in  
And taste this sweet disaster_

"I should get going." Emma announces out of no where. Jay looks over at her.

"Why?" He asks, hoping she would confide in him.

"I have work tomorrow... it's getting late..." Emma says, lying a bit. She needed to talk about Zack... and she didn't think she should talk about him to Jay.

"Are you sure... you can stay here." Jay hopes he doesn't sound as pathetic as he does in his head.

"Yeah... I'll see you tomorrow." Emma replies softly, picking up the empty container of ice cream the two of them finished off. Throwing it into the trash can as she passed it; Emma gave Jay a slight smile before leaving. After closing the door, she stood against his door, sighing quietly. Slowly, Emma made it inside her own apartment, wanting to go back over to Jay's.

"Did you eat the rest of the ice cream?" Manny asked, making Emma snap out of her silence.

"Sorry." Emma mumbles, her head still cast down. Manny looked at her, knowing something was wrong. Closing the freezer door, Manny made her way to the living room. She had Emma sit down on the couch with her. Manny crossed her legs under her and faced Emma.

"What happened?" Manny queries, thinking maybe she still hadn't been able to talk to Zack.

"We broke up." Emma shrugs, saying it simply.

"You what?" Manny almost stammers. Her mouth opened and she stared at Emma even though Emma was looking down at the couch cushion.

"We broke up." Emma repeats, sounding a bit sadder this time.

"Uh... why... how..." Manny is flustered... Zack was so perfect.

"It all happened so fast..." Emma pauses... "I couldn't handle the secrets anymore... I never heard from him... and I was always worrying." Emma shakes her head, trying to convince herself that they had to break up.

"Aww, Em..." Manny engulfs her best friend in a hug.

"I miss him Manny, he was perfect..." Emma leans into Manny... "Except for the secret relationship... he was perfect."

"I know Em, but this is for the best, you'll see." Manny reassures her. The two break away from each other. Looking at her suspiciously, Manny raises her eyebrow. "Where were you just now?"

"Over at Sean's." Emma tells her, her eyes back down on the couch cushion.

"You mean over at Sean's... with Jay." Manny smirks.

"Yeah, we ate ice cream and watched TV." Emma shrugs her shoulders.

"Is that all you two did?" Manny asks, watching Emma's every move.

"Manny, I just broke up with Zack! Seesh!" Emma states, trying to get Jay off her mind.

"I know, I know... but Jay is still there... even when you were dating Zack, Jay was there." Manny tells her, recalling the small 'thing' Jay and Emma had. Emma sat back on the couch, not verifying her friend's assumption... yeah, Jay's still there.

* * *

**Chapter 21, part 1: Breathe In, Pt.2**

_So breathe in  
If I'm supposed to feel this_

Jay stared at the closed door. What is going on with her... she must have been dating that guy or something. _She was upset though, so maybe they broke up. Jay, you shouldn't be happy that Emma's 'relationship' is over... yet I can't help but be happy... but that doesn't mean she'll give me another chance. I wish she would at least talk to me... why won't she talk to me? Is she still angry that I left? I had to... to know that this was right... but apparently Emma moved on._ Jay turned around as he heard the door sound. In walked Sean, with a small smile on his face. He spun his key ring around his finger before setting them down on the counter. Sean faced Jay, noting the serious look on his face.

"Don't hurt yourself by thinking so hard." Sean says, his smile becoming bigger.

"Why didn't you tell me Emma had a boyfriend." Jay asks, not even bothering to acknowledge Sean's jab at him.

"I-" Sean is caught off guard. "How did you find out?" Was all Sean could spit out.

"You told me to check on her." Jay reminds him. "When I got back from Todd's I went over there to see if she needed anything. Some guy answered the door."

"What did he look like?" Sean asks, his interested alarmed.

"I don't know, I'm not queer. I wasn't checking him out." Jay rebutted as he turned back around to face the TV. Sean shook his head at Jay, but didn't say anything. He knew Jay was peeved that Emma had a boyfriend... that she didn't wait for him. Sean opened the door, walking next door to check on Emma. Jay ignored Sean slamming the front door closed, not realizing that Sean just let it close and didn't actually slam it. _What is this? Am I supposed to be some kind of keeper? I'm not gonna check out some guy just because he was at Emma's. Emma did call him 'hun' though. I should have been a little nicer to him though, so I can get him to tell me what's going on with Emma. Why do I care so much?_ Jay got up, walking into the fridge to grab a beer. He thought moving back to Toronto would erase the 'miserable' feeling that Greg kept telling him he obtained since going back to Quebec, but part of him couldn't help but to think that Greg was wrong, really wrong. Chugging down the beer, the alcohol didn't help Jay any... except for making him start to feel numb, all it did was add to the three or four he had drank an hour or so ago. Sighing, Jay grabbed another beer from the fridge. _Ah, how great it is to be twenty-one._


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22, part 1: Breathe In, Pt.3**

_forgive me I've sewn shut the crater in my chest  
can you help me release the stitches and untie the mess?_

Jay had begun living at the shop. It was spotless, and business was picking up. He held off hiring too many people because he wanted work to do. For the past week, Jay had successively avoided going out with Sean, which meant going out with Manny and Emma. Although, not hanging out with them meant Jay had also begun to go back to his old ways. Drinking became more of a regular thing, and he also encountered a night of ecstasy. He didn't know why he was letting himself ruin all the things he had so recently accomplished, but he just couldn't stop himself.

Looking down at his jumpsuit, all Jay saw was oil. He wiped his hands off on a rag and took a step back to look at the car he was working on. Making sure he didn't miss anything, Jay put the hood down and began putting back the tools. Not wanting to go home yet, Jay went into the office. Just sitting in the chair, staring off into space. Placing his elbows onto the top of the desk, Jay stared out of the door. Something was missing, he felt like something was missing. Knowing that even if he knew what the hell he was talking about, Jay wasn't going to do anything about it.

Turning on the computer, Jay fixed up the schedule for tomorrow, and put the earnings in. Gathering the information, Jay faxed them over to Greg. Now, he knew he had nothing else to do. Picking up the keys, Jay locked the office door, and headed out of the garage. Pulling the door down, it met the ground with a loud bang, and Jay locked the door. Getting into his car, he drove on the slower side, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel to the music coming from his speakers. Walking up the steps to the apartment, Jay did that slow as well, happy that no one was around. He walked into an empty apartment and threw his keys at the counter. Taking a shower, Jay let the water roll down his body, and silently thanked that Sean wasn't home. After he got out, he decided working out would be a good way to relieve his frustrations. As he lay back on the bench, his arms went to work, gently going up and down. Repeating the motions over, and over, Jay silently counted in his head, making sure he took breaks in between his reps. The stress slowly went away as Jay continued to lift the bar, only wishing that getting rid of his issues were this easy. A knock on the door interrupted Jay's counting, and he cursed to himself.

"What?" Jay yelled, not bothering to get up to see who was at the door. He went back to counting, not caring if the person heard him or not.

"Hi..." Emma says softly from the doorway. She looked at Jay, "I can come back later if you're busy." She kept her eyes on Jay, watching the concentration on his face. "Okay, you don't want to be bothered... sorry for interrupting." Emma's voice was still soft. She turned around, going to head back out of the apartment.

Yelling at himself in his head, Jay put the bar in its holders and jumped up from the bench. "Sorry." Jay says to her, stopping her from leaving. He stood in front of her, looking at her in her black button empire dress. Jay pulled his eyes off her body. "Did you... need something?"

"I... haven't seen you in awhile." Emma timidly crossed her arm over her, allowing her hand to hold her arm. "I can see you're still alive."

"Yeah, I'm still alive." Jay confirms, not liking the awkward tension between them.

"I um-" Emma pauses, but decides to just spit it out. "Did I do something?"

"Uh-" Jay can't think of anything to say. "No, no, why would you think that?"

"It just seemed like you were avoiding us... me." Emma answers, looking at the ground.

"Honestly," Jay waits for Emma to look up at him. "I thought you were mad at me... for leaving." Jay pauses. "When I came back, everything seemed so weird... and you felt... distant."

"Yeah, I um-" Emma looks back down at the floor. "I had a boyfriend... kinda..."

"Oh, yeah I thought so." Jay nods his head. "The guy who answered the door."

"Yep." Emma confirms.

"You guys are over?"

"Yep." She repeats, not looking up at Jay to see a very small smile forming. "A little over a week now."

"Oh, sorry to hear that." Jay tells her sincerely, yet not really meaning it.

"It just... didn't work out." Emma looks up to see his eyes. "So, how've you been?"

* * *

**Chapter 22, part 1: Breathe In, Pt.4**

_the trauma's lead to a bottomless despair  
but I'd rather feel the heartache_

"I've been... okay." Jay answers, looking at Emma.

"Yeah... good." Emma nods her head, looking down.

"So..." Jay folds his arms across his chest. "Is this weird for you?"

"Yeah." Emma admits.

"Me too..." Jay agrees. "Why is it weird?"

"I'm not really sure." Emma answers. Part of her just wants to hug him, to tell him she missed him, but part of her doesn't think she should do that.

"Um, do you want to stay..." Jay looks at her. "Watch a movie or TV or something..."

"Yeah, sure." Emma moves over towards the couch. Jay was behind her, watching her dress move against her legs. Taking a seat in the corner of the couch, Emma curled her legs under her. Jay, being Jay, laid down across the couch, placing his head in her lap. Emma looked down at him as he flicked through the channels on the TV. Smiling to herself, Emma realized how much she missed just staying at home and watching TV. She loved that Zack always planned in advance, and always surprised her, but with Jay, the two of them could just chill at home and stuff their faces with take out.

Without realizing it, Emma's hand fell gently onto Jay's head. As she watched TV, her hand ran through his hair repeatedly, gently tousling it between her fingers. An overwhelming sensation flew over Jay's body every time Emma's fingers met his scalp. Closing his eyes at her touch, Jay forgot about the TV. If time hadn't have been going by so fast, Jay could have stayed like that all night.

"Jay, I should get going." Emma spoke quietly, but still continued to run her fingers through his hair.

"Hmm..." Jay murmurs, keeping his eyes closed.

"I have to get going." Emma repeats, stopping her hand from going back to his hair. Jay opened his eyes, rolling over to face her.

"Why?" Jay asks, looking up at her.

"Manny and Sean should be back soon, and I don't want to be asked a gazillion questions." Emma explains, watching his eyes watch hers.

"Yeah, you're right." Jay sits up. Emma stood up, stretching out her legs. Jay stood up as wells, following her to the front door. The stood facing each other for several seconds. Emma decided she was just going to do it.

"Don't be such a stranger." Emma whispers into his ear as she leans up to give him a hug. Jay hugged her back, enjoying the way it felt to have her in his arms again.

"I won't." Jay whispers back. He made sure his warm breath made it to her ear, teasing her. Emma almost melted as his breath made its way down her neck. Forcing herself to pull away from the hug, Emma gave Jay a small smile. He opened the door for her, watching Emma walk into her own apartment. Jay made his way back to the couch, laying the same way he was just laying only minutes ago. Closing his eyes, Jay felt a little better then he did before. Maybe it was because of Emma, he could only hope that was the reason. As he tried to relive the sensation she gave him, the door opened. Sean walked in, around the couch, and sat on the chair.


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23, part 1: Breathe In, Pt.5**

_if i can keep my arms 'round you  
maybe you can help me through_

"So you and Jay are going to have some alone time." Manny tells Emma as she finishes getting ready.

"What are you talking about?" Emma looks at her friend quizzically.

"I've seen you two lately." Manny says as she looks at herself in the mirror. "It's been weeks since you and Zack had to end things, and you and Jay have picked up where you left off, before he left that is."

"Nothings going on between us Manny." Emma tells her, not looking at her.

"Keep telling yourself that." Manny stops primping her hair. "Sean's already gone, and I'm leaving... so feel free to go over there."

"What makes you think I'll go over there." Emma puts her pen down and looks up from her work.

"I know you or Jay sneak over to each other's apartments when we're both gone." Manny gives her friend a smirk. "I'm off, I'll be back late, say maybe eleven or twelve." With a wink, Manny walked out of the bedroom, and out of the apartment.

Emma put her head back into her work, or she tried to. As she finished her notes for her new campaign, Emma couldn't help but think how Manny knew that she had been spending a couple nights hanging out with Jay. It's not like they were sleeping together, or even kissing, they were just hanging out. Shrugging her shoulders, Emma just chalked it up to the fact that Manny was really good at knowing things like that. Looking over at the clock, Emma realized it was almost five. She was supposed to go over to Jay's at five. Looking down at herself, dressed in a loose pair of pajama bottoms, and a spaghetti strap tank top, Emma figured she was fine. After putting her work back in her bag, Emma walked next door. Knocking lightly on the door, Emma waited patiently for Jay to answer. Opening the door, Jay was towel drying his hair. Admiring his body, Emma watched small water droplets fall from his hair to his torso. Her eyes followed one drop all the way to the waist band of his shorts. Part of her hated that he never had a shirt on, the other part could do nothing but gawk.

"Come in." Jay says, placing the towel around his neck.

"So Manny knows I come over here." Emma tells him, walking towards the living room.

"Really?" Jay asks. "I haven't told Sean.

"I didn't tell Manny either, but before she left she's like I won't be home till eleven or twelve, and Sean's already gone." Emma relays the words to Jay.

"Oh hmm..." Jay pretends to think about it as he secretly looks over Emma. Her tank top clung to her as she sat down on the couch. Sitting on the couch next to her, Jay stole another quick glance at her. "So, you can pick out a movie or something, we got some new ones."

"Okay." Emma stands up, walking over to the collection of DVDs. Bending over slightly, Emma looked over the movies, not really sure what she wanted to watch. "You don't have a preference?"

"Huh?" Jay looks up from Emma's backside. "Um, whatever's good."

"I can't pick." Emma stops looking. "You pick."

"Fine." Jay stands up, crossing paths with Emma. Momentarily, he forgot what he was doing as they brushed past each other. He picked the first scary flick he saw and popped it into the DVD player. He sat back onto the couch, waiting for Emma to notice what he put in.

"Jay, a scary movie?" Emma almost whines.

"Well then you should have picked." Jay points out, already enjoying their time together. The movie began, and as it progressed, Emma became close and closer to Jay. Half way through the movie, Emma was in his lap, with her head buried in his neck.

"Is it over yet?" Emma asks, her breath tickling his neck.

* * *

**Chapter 23, part 2: Breathe In, Pt.6**

_I'm building calluses where I'm supposed to feel  
and I'm betting all that's left on the chance there's  
something real_

"Yeah, it's over... now they're just walking." Jay tells her, running his hands under the leg of her pajama bottoms.

He rests his hand on her leg, gently stroking her with his thumb. Emma takes a short breath as Jay's hand makes contact with her leg. Rather slowly, Emma picks her head up, looking over at the TV. The girl on the screen screams and starts running as the monster pops up behind her. As the brutal scene continues on, Emma buries her face in Jay's neck once again. The warmth of her breath on Jay's skin was too much for him.

As a reflex, Jay lightly squeezes Emma's leg. Closing his eyes, he forgets that the two are just sitting on the couch with some dumb movie in. Emma also momentarily forgot that she was frightened by the horror movie on. Her lips were millimeters from Jay's neck. It took all of her control not to kiss him. Jay's hand began slowly inching up her leg, but was still below his knee. Running his hand up and down, gently Jay stroked her leg.

Eyes closed, Emma's head began moving, her lips getting closer and closer to Jay's neck. Softly, her lips landed on his skin. Jay felt his eyes roll back and he licked his lips as Emma's lips lingered. She removed them and kissed his neck again. Repeatedly, Emma made sure she kissed every inch of his neck that her lips could get to. Lightly, her teeth grazed his neck. Jay squeezed her leg again as the sensation of Emma's tender, full lips washed over him.

He wished he could get his other arm around her, but couldn't with the way she was sitting on him. As Emma continued to nibble his neck, Jay took his hand off her leg and moved it up her body. When his hand made contact with her cheek, Jay hoarsely whispered, "Em."

She picked her head up a bit, stopping the kisses she was planting all over his neck. Turning his head, Jay's lips landed on Emma's. The kiss was overpowering. The kiss continued as Emma shifted her body. Placing a leg on either side of Jay, she slid her arms up and around his neck. Now every part of her loved that he didn't have a shirt on. Holding her tightly in his arms, Jay stood up. Emma broke the kiss, allowing her lips to go back to his neck.

Luckily, Jay's bedroom wasn't that far from the living room. Jay felt as if he would drop her if she continued to make soft 'love-bites' on his neck. Her legs were wrapped around him so tightly, Jay knew he wouldn't drop her, he would never allow that to happen. He did have to fight to keep his eyes open, as each time Emma planted her full lips onto his skin, his eyes involuntarily closed. Feeling absolutely wonderful in Jay's tight embrace, Emma didn't want to let go. She knew they must have reached his bed because Jay stopped moving, but she didn't let go of him just yet. Her kisses trailed up his neck to his ear. Lightly nibbling and sucking on his earlobe, Emma let the warmth of her breath tickle his ear.

Forcing herself to stop, Emma placed her lips back on Jay's. As she unhooked her legs, Emma gently bit the corner of his lip. A soft moan escaped from Jay's mouth as Emma let her feet go to the floor. Maneuvering herself around him, Emma gently pushed Jay back onto the bed. Climbing on top of him, Emma kissed his lips again, but only once. Sitting up, Emma removed her tank top, tossing it on the floor. Jay wanted to kiss her again, but Emma only gave him a warm smile. Trailing kisses down his body, Emma slipped her hands into the sides of Jay's shorts. Jay wanted to stop her, to let her know she didn't have to do _that_, but as her lips made contact with his member, all he could do was suck in his breath.

Another soft moan escaped from his lips and his hands gripped onto the comforter. As much as he enjoyed this, Jay really wanted to feel her, her lips on his, her in his arms. Cleverly, Emma got the rest of her clothes off, and began to swiftly make her way back up. All the while, her mouth made soft kisses up his torso. Wanting to let Emma know he wasn't trying to be selfish, he sat up, but she only kissed him and pushed him back on the bed.

Jay layed underneath her, bringing his hands to her waist, and feeling the the softness of her skin. Positioning herself over him, Emma slowly lowered herself onto him. Eyes closed, Emma could do nothing but moan, "Ohh." She got into rhythm as her hands rested on his chest. Back arched, eyes closed, and biting her bottom lip, Emma looked incredible to Jay. His hands traveled along her body, touching every inch of her that he could reach. Up her arms, over her chest, Emma let out a gasp as Jay kneaded her breasts.

Removing one hand from her chest, Jay let it his hand travel down her stomach. His fingers stopped at her clit, rubbing gently. Emma's head fell forward and she put a little more pressure on his chest, "Jay," She moaned softly. A smirk formed on Jay's lips as Emma called his name, and he moved his fingers a little faster. "J-Jay!" Emma called, almost losing her rhythm. "Come on baby," Jay urged. He knew she was close, and he was close too. "Em, I'm close," He told her. "Me too," She replied breathlessly. "I'm not wearing a condom," He said it fast, not sure how much longer her could hold out. "I'm on the pill," Emma managed to get out before she let out a small squeaky moan. Jay removed his fingers from her clit as she slammed down on him one last time.

Falling against his chest, Emma's hair sprawled out. Both of their chests heaved in and out as they regained their breath. Jay brought his hand up to her hair, running his fingers through it. Emma's body shivered slightly. Pushing herself up, Emma turned her body slightly to reach for the blanket that was bunched up at the end of the bed. She pulled it up, covering her and Jay, and laid back on his chest.


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24, part 1: Together**

_Let the lines between us disappear  
It starts now  
It starts here_

Emma stirred, wiping her eyes, and slowly sitting up. When her eyes opened, Emma saw Manny sitting at the other end of the bed. Holding the sheet around her a little tighter, Emma just stared at her.

"Why are you sitting there?" Emma asked curiously.

"I got a picture of you and Jay sleeping, it is so adorable." Manny smiles at her best friend.

"Yeah... but why are you here... like right here..." Emma asks again.

"Oh, I couldn't find you last night... and guess where I found you... here... in bed... with Jay... and naked, I presume." Manny began to gloat. "I told you I knew you two were up so something."

"Manny, this is only the second time we've ever..." Emma let her sentence trail off, figuring Manny understood.

"So, how was it?" Manny leans further onto the bed, expecting great details.

"It was..." Emma recalled last night's events. "Amazing."

"I have to admit, you two do make a cute couple." Manny looks over at Emma. "So are you two a one?"

"I haven't talked to him." Emma laughs slightly at Manny's sentence. "Where is he?"

"He went somewhere." Manny waved her hand. "So do you want you and him to be one?"

"Manny, what is this, twenty questions?" Emma chuckled to herself. "What do you mean he went somewhere?"

"What is this, twenty questions?" Manny mocks her friend. Emma gives her a fake-stern look.

"I have coffee." Jay announces, coming into the room. "Hey Manny, could you..." Jay motioned towards the door.

"Okay, I can take a hint." Manny, sort of reluctantly, gets off the bed and leaves the room. Jay set the coffee and donuts on his nightstand, and went back to close the door. Emma picked up a munchkin, taking a bite, and watching Jay slide back into bed.

"When did you wake up?" Emma asked after she finished chewing. Jay handed her a cup of coffee.

"I don't know... an hour or so ago" Jay gave Emma a kiss on the cheek.

"So you went out for breakfast?" Emma took a sip of her coffee.

"Well I had to get something for you after how selfless you were last night." Jay told her, watching her cheeks turn a slight shade of pink. "You know you don't have to do that, right?"

"Yeah... I know... but I wanted to." Emma spoke quietly, still looking down. She took another sip of her coffee. "Are you working today?"

"I can go in whenever I want." Jay moved closer to Emma, taking her coffee and setting the cup back on the nightstand. He turned back to her, placing his lips gently on hers. Emma sunk back into the bed as their kiss deepened. Jay moved on top of her, kissing her cheek, her ear, and her neck.

"Jay!" Emma giggled as his breath tickled her ear. Smirking, Jay continued kissing her neck. Melting by his touch, Emma held Jay closer to her. Hugging him tight, Emma sighed into his chest. His hand caressed her body as his lips kissed her neck. Interrupting them was a knock on the door. Stopping his gentle attack on her skin, Jay picked his head up.

"What?" Jay groaned, causing Emma to giggle.

"Emma, you better not forget we have plans today, for work." Manny called out, a smirk on her face. "So finish up whatever it is you two are doing." Manny laughed out loud, as did Emma. Jay looked down at her and Emma gave him a kiss.

"Sorry." She whispered. Jay sighed, putting his head down into the crook of her neck. Emma hugged him tighter, kissing his neck.

"If you keep that up, I won't let you leave this room." Jay told her, hoping she'd continue.

"Jay, you have to go to work." Emma replied, stopping her kisses.

"No I don't." Jay said, propping himself up on his elbows.

"Yes you do." Emma gave him a sincere look. "I'll see you tonight?"

"Without Manny." Jay stated, not wanting to get interrupted again.

"Just the two of us, now get off me so I can get dressed." Jay rolled over, allowing Emma to get up and find her pajamas. "Get ready for work." Emma gave Jay a kiss, picked up her coffee, and a munchkin and walked out of the room. Jay stared after her, wishing they could have just laid in bed all day... sorta.


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25, part 1: Only You Make Me Happy**

_Everything can go  
Cuz the one thing I know  
Is only You make me happy_

Jay was consumed by his work, sitting in the office of the garage, getting all the paperwork out of the way. _He looks so cute when he's concentrating_. Emma quietly entered the office, and Jay had still yet to look up. Moving behind him, Emma gave him a soft kiss on the cheek. At first, Jay flinched, but feeling lips on his skin, he knew they were Emma's. Emma backed up, allowing Jay to swivel around in his chair.

"Hey." Jay pulled Emma down into his lap. "What are you doing here?"

"On my lunch break." Emma gave him another soft kiss, this time on the lips. "I decided to stop by to see you."

"Cool." Jay planted his lips on hers, kissing her more and more. An employee knocked on the open door.

"Uh, sorry, door was open." He entered the office and dropped some cash and a receipt on the desk. "A guy just paid." The employee left the office, and Jay went back to kissing Emma.

"Jay." Emma giggled as Jay kissed her.

"What?" He asked, momentarily stopping his kisses.

"Someone could walk in, again." Emma pointed out.

"Okay, okay." Jay sat back in his chair so he could see all of Emma. "You want to go out for dinner tonight?"

"If you want to." Emma gave him a small smile.

"I know this small, quiet restaurant." Jay told her. "We can talk."

"Okay." Emma leaned into him. "What time?"

"Seven good?" He asked, wrapping his arm around her.

"Yeah." Emma gave him a kiss on the lips. "I have to head back to work, see you later." He kissed her one more time before she got up. Watching her walk out of the office, Jay couldn't help but smile. Emma couldn't help but smile either, she really hoped her and Jay could do this right this time.

Both of them felt like work dragged on, most likely due to the fact that they couldn't wait to see each other again. Emma rushed home from work, taking a quick shower, and spending a half hour staring at her closet.

"You have a date?" Manny asked from the doorway.

"Jay and I are going out for dinner." Emma told her, shifting through her clothes.

"Like a diner dinner or a-"

"A small, quiet restaurant, so we can talk." Emma cut her off.

"That's cute." Manny nodded, "Clothing trouble?"

"Yes!" Emma groaned, going through her clothes again. Emma pulled out her metallic tube dress; it has a tulip bottom hem, a bit of rouching on the sides of the chest, a drape in front, and is a very comfortable fit. As she put it on, and stared at herself, she asked Manny, "Is this too slutty?"

"Definitely not, you look gorgeous." Manny walked into the room, smoothing out the dress a bit. "Jay's gonna go crazy when he sees you in it." Manny turns her head to the doorway when she hears knocking. "That must be your lover boy. I'll get it." Manny walked out of the room, allowing Emma to slip on some heels and check herself in the mirror again. Slowly, Emma made her way out of her room, hoping Jay likes her in the dress. Catching his breath as she came around the corner, Jay looked Emma over. "You two have fun. Don't do anything I wouldn't do." Manny said as she walked them out the door.

"Bye Manny." Emma called over her shoulder. Jay put his arm around her waist, pulling her closer.

"You are gorgeous." He whispered into her ear. Emma reached up, meeting his lips in a soft kiss. She looked Jay over, who wasn't in his normal hoodie. He had on plain black dickies and a relaxed fit button up shirt.

"You look nice. I didn't know you owned a button up shirt." Emma put her arm around his waist, feeling the soft material of the shirt.

"I own a few." Jay said nonchalantly. "I only wear them for special people." Emma smiled, and the two remained in a comfortable silence during the car ride.

Jay pulled up to a semi-formal, very cozy restaurant. The waiter seated them in a semi-circle booth in a pretty enclosed, dim-lit area. Their food was brought to them in a short time, and the two began simultaneously picking at their food. "I want to do this."

"Yeah, me too." Emma smiled warmly at Jay, knowing what he was referring to.

"And I promise not to leave." Jay half-joked.

"Good... besides, if you do, I will have to hurt you." Emma smirked, joking as well.

"Well, I'm not, so you won't have to." Jay looked at Emma as her attention went back to her plate. Staring at her chest, Jay couldn't pull his eyes away, but he was interrupted by their waiter.

"Would you like desert, the special is a fudge brownie, vanilla ice cream and hot fudge." The waiter began taking their plates.

"Yeah, sure." Jay shrugged, still looking over at Emma. She looked up at him.

"It'll be out in a moment." The waiter cleared the table and walked into the kitchen.

"Jay, you're staring." Emma looked back down, blushing a bit.

"I can't help it, but if I continue staring like a typical guy, feel free to hit me." Jay pulled his eyes away from her body. She looked back up to meet his eyes. She wouldn't hit him, even though she felt embarrassed by his attention, she liked that it was coming from him.

"Here's your desert." The waiter placed a big glass cup in front of Jay, along with two spoons. Emma slid over to Jay, letting her bare leg lean against his. He picked up the spoon, getting a little piece of brownie and some ice cream, and feeding it to Emma.

"Mmm..." Emma murmured, instantly turning Jay on, and not meaning to. Looking at Jay to see him staring at her again, Emma placed her legs over Jay's leg, getting closer to him. She took another spoonful of the desert, placing it in her mouth. Putting the spoon down on the plate, Emma reached up, kissing Jay tenderly on the lips. Jay put his arm around her after the kiss ended. He watched her pick up another spoonful, this time feeding it to him. Taking another spoonful, Emma fed it to herself. "This is really good." Emma looked at the big bowl of ice cream, taking another spoonful.

"Yeah, it is." Jay replied, looking at Emma. She turned her head to face him.

"I was talking about the ice cream." Emma told him, a smirk forming in the corner of her lips.

"I wasn't." Jay breathed, placing his lips on her. Emma forgot about the desert, placing her hand on his chest. Jay held Emma close with the arm that was around her waist. Taking his other hand, Jay rested it on her bare legs. Without realizing it, his hand began moving up her legs, up her dress. Caressing her thighs, Jay's hand began inching upwards, almost reaching her panties.

"Jay." Emma spoke into the kiss, her voice barely a whisper. The two broke apart, each breathing quietly. Jay slowly inched his hand out of her dress.

Leaning his head against hers, he whispered "sorry." Running his hand gently up and down the front of her leg, "I didn't realize what I was doing."

"Would you like the check?" The waiter asked, walking over to their table.

"Yeah." Jay said, trying not to say 'hell yes' or make his voice too eager. Emma stifled a giggle and un-intertwined her legs from his. Smiling, the waiter placed the check face down on the table. Jay took out money, and leaving a tip on the table. Emma scooped up another spoonful of the desert. "Let's get out of here."


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter 26, part 1: Collide**

_I want to be  
Broken by You  
And made brand new_

_Every thing's been perfect, can you believe it? Jay and I are... perfect! We've been together for six months... and we haven't had sex since that night after we got back from the restaurant. It has been extremely hard for Jay, but it's been hard for me too. A few times we almost slipped, but Jay's been very respectful of me. We were moving so fast, that I wanted to make sure he wouldn't get sick of me. I just can't get over how perfect we are. I mean we fight over little things sometimes, just careless arguments, but that's normal. Jay has changed so much... I'm really proud of him. We've even gotten used to being without each other. He still hangs out with his friends, and I have mine... the more we're apart, the more I love it when we see each other. _

_Manny says Jay has a surprise for me, for our six month anniversary. I'm a little surprised just hearing that. In the beginning, Jay and I both agreed that we weren't going to do the whole anniversary thing for the stupid 'one month', 'two month'. I thought the first we would actually celebrate would be the one year. I can't wait to see what he has planned. This time, Manny has been very, very good at keeping it a secret. Part of me is happy she hasn't told me, but the other part of me really wants to know... really bad... I'm so excited._

_We, meaning Manny and I, are going shopping today. I have to find the perfect gift for Jay, since he is apparently getting me something really special. I can't even think about what it could be. We haven't even said 'I love you' to each other yet. Neither of us are quite ready for that step, plus I want this to not move so fast._

"Emma, let's go!" Manny called, already by the front door.

"Coming." Emma called back, walking out of her room. They gabbed as they walked down to Manny's car and drove to the mall.

"Do you have any idea of what you want to get him?" Manny asked. Emma was staring off into the windows of the stores they passed.

"No, but I think we, meaning Jay and I should..." Emma bobbed her head from side to side, suggestively.

"I got the perfect gift!" Manny exclaimed, taking Emma's hand. They walked past a handful of stores.

"Manny, what store are we going to?" Emma asked, almost being dragged by Manny. She was walking so fast, Emma felt as if she was going to trip over own her feet.

"We're almost there." Manny replied, not lightening up her fast pace. Suddenly, they stopped. Emma looked up to see the name of the store: Victoria's Secret.

"Manny!" Emma whispered/shouted.

"Oh, come on." Manny took her hand again, walking her into the store. "Oh look, they're having a sale!" Manny began picking up pieces of lingerie. "Try this on."

"Manny, I can't wear that!" Still whispering so no one else would hear her. Manny shoved it towards her.

"Yes you can." Manny pushed her towards the dressing room. Emma slipped into it, looking at herself in the mirror.

"I can't wear this!" Emma repeated, still whispering.

"Emma, open the door." Manny waited for Emma to open it. She looked around, Emma didn't want anyone to see her in it. "It looks great on you, and Jay will go coo-coo over it."

"Why am I buying something that is just going to end up coming off?" Emma asked, closing the door and changing back into her regular clothes.

"To get in the mood, it's hot. Plus, you can always just wear them as pajamas. Oh, and they're on sale!" Manny told her, already looking through more sets. "Now that we know your size, pick out some more."

"More, Manny, I don't even think I can wear this one." Emma said, holding up an ivory colored lace v-neck baby doll. "It's see through." Emma pointed out, even though everyone could clearly tell it was.

"It's not see through... its lace, with a very pretty floral pattern. Just find something you like." Manny continued looking, and Emma did too. She held up a sea breeze lace trim baby doll.

"This is cute." Emma held it against her body.

"That blue makes your eyes pop." Manny told her, looking it over. "See, now you're in the spirit. Okay, one more."

"Manny, another one?" Emma questioned, looking at the two in her hands.

"They are three for ten. You should never pass up a sale like this." Manny just continued looking through the clothes.

"Well, why don't you pick one out for yourself?" Emma said, unsure if she could really wear the lingerie.

"I own like a million, plus I'm not with my one and only true love, like you." Manny smiled. "Who would have thought, you and Jay Hogart."

"It's good though, right?" Emma queried, hoping Jay is the one for her.

"It's better than good, you two are perfect." Manny reassure her best friend. "Oh my, you have to get this." Manny held up a red and pink polka dot baby doll set, with cut-out sides, and small heart shaped pockets on the front, and it ties in the back.

"Manny, no." Emma shook her head.

"Emma, yes." Manny nodded her head. "Let's go pay."

"Jay's going to think I'm some kind of whore." Emma whispered as she looked at the items in her hand.

"No, Jay's going to think you look sexy." Manny corrected, taking Emma's hands, and dropping the clothes onto the counter. Emma paid for her new outfits, and took the bag from the cashier. Manny chuckled as they left the store.

"Oh gosh, take this." Emma put the bag behind her back and handed it to Manny. "I see Jay, so that bag is yours."

"Right, it's mine." Manny chuckled again. Jay was ahead of them, talking to Sean, and not really paying attention to anything around them. Emma and Manny went to the other side, sneaking up behind them. Emma tapped Jay on the shoulder, and Manny tapped Sean's. The two guys turned around, a smiling hitting their face once they saw the girls.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" Jay asked, pulling Emma close to him.

"Oh you know me, can't resist a good sale." Manny answered first, giving Emma a small smirk. Emma leaned over, giving Sean a peck on the cheek, and giving Jay a soft kiss.

"You know, this would be perfect if you and Sean would get together." Emma said, derailing the conversation a bit.

"True, Sean's already felt her up." Jay agreed, hiding his snicker.

"Hey, I was drunk, and why does this always come up?" Manny asked, not looking at Sean.

"Okay, okay, we'll drop the subject." Emma overly exaggerated as she saw Manny look away from Sean.

"You two are funny, really." Sean stated sarcastically, looking at Manny out of the corner of his eye.

"You done shopping?" Jay asked, looking down at Emma. She quickly looked at the Victoria's Secret bag.

"Yeah, we're done." Emma nodded.

"Cool, let's get something to eat, and we can chill at one of the apartments." Jay waited for everyone to agree or disagree.

"Let's order in, I want Chinese." Manny said, already turning towards the exit. Sean, Jay, and Emma followed. Emma and Jay fell behind a little.

"You excited about tomorrow?" Jay questioned, whispering into Emma's ear.

"Yeah." Emma told him, staring at the bag in Manny's hand. "Are we going out, or staying in?"

"We can do whatever we want, I can adjust my plans accordingly." Jay replied, kissing the top of her head.

"I think I'd kinda like to stay in." Emma tore her eyes away from the pink striped bag. "Is that okay with you?"

"Of course, do you want to have dinner or something?" Jay asked, figuring out how he was going to do what he wanted to do.

"Um, it doesn't matter, we don't have to do anything special." Emma looked up at him. "I like just sitting on the couch with you."

Jay gave her a kiss. "We can order Italian at your place." Jay offered.

"That works for me. We can push Manny and Sean together." Emma looked at Sean and Manny, who were a little ways ahead of them.

"You sure you don't want anything special?" Jay double checked.

"I don't need anything... why, am I ruining your plans?" Emma looked up at him again.

"No, no, you're not... it's just, I will do something, if you want me to."

"No, I'm good, I swear. You, me and a movie is fine with me." Emma told him, reaching up and kissing him.

"Cool, that's good with me too."


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter 27, part 1: Reflections of You**

_I'm seeing for the first time  
The changes on the inside shining through  
Your love is the reason I'm alive  
So as I live my life  
In everything I do  
I hope you see reflections of you  
_

Emma shoved the Victoria's Secret bag in the bathroom closet... it was there, just in case... but she didn't know if she'd be able to put it on. She did know that Manny would kill her if she didn't. Closing the door to the closet softly, she leaned against it for a moment. Jay was in the living room, getting their plates because he wouldn't let Emma help get the food out. Losing track of the time as Emma contemplated the contents of the Victoria's Secret bag, Jay wondered what happened to her, and was hoping she wasn't in her room.

"Baby?" He called out, praying for all he was worth that she wasn't in her room.

"Coming," Emma answered, walking out of the bathroom.

"You okay?" He asked, meeting her as she got into the living room.

"Yeah... just straightening up the bathroom," Emma fibbed, slipping her arms around his waist.

"You're not supposed to be doing anything." Jay told her, hugging her back.

"I won't do anything else." Emma smiled warmly at him.

"Good, you ready to eat?" Jay left one arm around her as they walked to the couch.

"Yeah, but we are not watching a horror movie." Emma gave him a firm look, even though she liked what happened the last time they watched a horror movie.

"I already have The Breakfast Club in the DVD player." Jay said, sitting on the couch.

"The Breakfast Club... that's my favorite movie." Emma said, sitting down next to him.

"That's why I put it in." Jay replied, watching her look at him. She leaned over, kissing him on the lips.

"Thank you." She whispered, smiling at him.

"What'd I do?" Jay asked, not realizing she would get so happy over the movie.

"You're just you." Emma replied, picking up her food. Jay followed suit, letting Emma's compliment sink into him.

Jay was happy that they were eating because it meant Emma couldn't quote every single line. He watched her as she watched the TV. She is perfect for him... and he is lucky. The two sat in a very comfortable silence as they ate, besides Emma's quoting of her favorite lines. Jay took their plates, not allowing Emma to help clean up. Instead, Emma stood behind Jay as he rinsed off the dishes. Standing on her tippy toes, she kissed the back of his neck repeatedly.

"I can't concentrate on the dishes." Jay told her, smirking a bit. He turned off the faucet, dried off his hands, and turned around. Holding Emma close to him, Jay smiled as if Emma's were contagious. He met her in a kiss, allowing his hands to roam her body, stopping just above her butt. Snaking her arms around his neck, Emma leaned into him as her fingers played with his hair. Jay pulled away first, watching Emma's lips form into a pout. He smirked, loving the affect he had on her. "Come on, I got something for you."

"I thought we were doing something." Emma said, taking a step back.

"Which we will definitely finish." Jay took her hand. "Just come with me."

Emma followed behind him, lightly squeezing his hand. Jay walked a little slower than he normally did; a little worried about what was going to happen. When the two got to the bedroom, Jay squeezed Emma's hand. She was still walking behind him until he stopped at the bed. Emma peered over him, wondering why they were in her bedroom. One the bed, in the middle, just beneath her two pillows, sat a small box. Emma gasped, covering her mouth with the hand that wasn't in Jay's.

"Oh my." Emma barely whispered. "Jay, is that..." Jay sat her on the bed, sitting next to her.

"Pick it up." Jay motioned towards the box. Still stunned, Emma slowly reached for it. Opening even slower than when she was reaching for it, she gasped again.

"It's beautiful." Emma said, her voice incredibly soft.

"I don't want you to get all freaked out." Jay faced Emma. "It's not like an engagement ring... it doesn't have to be one... I just..." Jay paused, trying to find the right words. "I am extremely afraid of commitment... but being with you... I'm not so afraid... I mean you are the first person I've been with who I've been able to wait for... and I know it's only been six months... and we're still young... but I can see me wanting to marry you... I can see me marrying you..." Jay paused again, looking softly at Emma. "I love you." A tear slid down Emma's cheek, and another began to fall from her eye. She touched the ring again, to make sure she wasn't dreaming. "Please tell me I didn't freak you out." Jay was worried that Emma wasn't talking. She wiped her cheek with her hand.

"I love you." She whispered, looking up at him, tears filling her eyes.

Jay smiled at her, wiping her cheeks gently, and leaning in to give her a delicate kiss. He took the box from her, taking the 10K white gold diamond and Natural Pink Sapphire ring out. He slid it onto her finger. Holding her hand out, Emma looked at the two round diamonds and the square-cut sapphire. Leaning onto Jay, Emma continued staring at the ring, mesmerized by its beauty. It was so her, small, and a little on the simple side, yet it was still breathtaking. Another tear slipped from her eye, and she sniffled.

"You okay?" Jay asked, taking his eyes off of her finger.

"Yeah, perfect." Emma sat up. "I'm gonna go clean up." Emma referred to her tears.

She gave Jay a small kiss before heading off to the bathroom. Taking the ring off to wash her hands, she immediately put it back on after she dried her hands. Opening the closet door in, Emma pulled out the Victoria's Secret bag. Deciding on the ivory lace v-neck baby doll, Emma slipped into it. Carefully, Emma walked out of the bathroom, tip-toeing into her bedroom. Peering into the doorway, Emma saw that Jay was facing away from the door, taking his hoodie off. Very quietly, Emma walked into the room. Standing behind him, Emma waited for him to get his hoodie all the way off before wrapping her arms around him. Jay dropped his hoodie on the floor, and turned himself around in Emma's arms. Jay smiled at her, placing his hands on her waist. When his hands felt the lace fabric, Jay took a step back. Gawking, Jay looked over every inch of her body in the lace lingerie that went to the bottom of her butt.

"Wow." Was all Jay could murmur. He rubbed his thumbs against the material. "You're beautiful." Jay breathed as he leaned down to give her a kiss. Pulling her closer, the kiss intensified, but Jay forced himself to pull away. "I don't want to ruin our whole no sex thing."

"I bought this outfit so we could." Emma told him, pulling him into her once more.

Emma put her hands on the bottom of his shirt, pulling it over Jay's head. They went right back to kissing each other, and Emma unbuttoned his jeans, slowly sliding the zipper down. After Emma finished undressing her boyfriend, she pushed him back onto the bed. Smirking, Jay pulled Emma with him, crashing her lips into his. Getting balance, Emma had a leg on either side of Jay's body. Moving her lips from his lips to his neck, Emma nibbled softly, and placed gentle kisses all the way down. Slowly crawling backwards as her lips worked down Jay's body, Jay instantly knew what she was going to do. Waiting in anticipation, Jay drew a deep breath as Emma continued to tantalize him with her kisses. A soft moan escaped from his lips as Emma took him in her mouth.

"Fuck," Jay breathed, unable to say anything more.

He couldn't believe it. Emma was even better than the last time. Jay leaned on his elbows, watching Emma bob her head up and down. Resting his weight on one arm, Jay used his free hand to move her hair out of her face. He was close, and Emma knew it. She cupped his balls and Jay lay back on the bed, moaning her name. As Emma finished, Jay pulled her up, flipping them over so he was on top of her.

"Jay." Emma giggled as her back made contact with the bed.

Jay kissed her neck, lightly sucking along her collarbone. He made sure no inch of her skin was left untouched by his lips. He ran his hands up her lace outfit before Emma sat up to take it off. Teasing him, Emma lifted it off slowly. When she got it off, Emma shook her hair out. Jay watched her every move. Smiling at him, Emma let her lingerie fall to the floor. Smiling back, Jay kissed her once more, and then Emma sunk back into the bed, pulling Jay with her. Smiling into the kiss, Emma held Jay tighter. Jay wanted to make sure he wasn't crushing her, but Emma kept holding him tighter. Propping himself up on his arm, Jay broke the kiss so he could look at her. Running his fingers smoothly down her cheek, Emma tilted her face into his hand.

"You sure you want to break the six months of no sex?" He asked, talking to her gently.

"Definitely." Emma smiled at him, "If you can handle it." She teased. Jay gave Emma a smirk before surprising her. This time it was Emma's turn to have a small moan escape from her lips as Jay entered her.

* * *

**Chapter 27, part 2: Fireworks**

_'Cause I know, you know  
It can't get much better  
Fireworks flyin' whenever we're together  
I know, you know, that I know you love me  
_

Emma quietly slipped back into her lingerie. It was only six in the morning, so Emma did her best not to wake Jay. Walking into the kitchen, Emma leaned over the counter, staring at her hand, more specifically, staring at the ring on her hand. _Jay wants to marry me... he can see himself marrying me... this ring is so beautiful. I wonder how much this cost... I hate when he buys me things... he shouldn't waste his money like that. He doesn't need to buy me things... but this ring is gorgeous_. Turning the faucet on, Emma started making a pot of coffee. As she watched the coffee start to drip into the pot, Emma leaned on the counter once more. Playing with the ring on her finger, Emma was in her own mind. She didn't hear Jay get up. Watching her lean over the counter, in her ivory lace lingerie. The bottom of the baby doll barely went to the bottom of her butt, not like it mattered since it was see through. He slowly approached her, his eyes moving from the bottom of her legs all the way up her body._She is beautiful_. Jay laid his hand on the small of her back, lightly moving it down, and gently squeezing her butt.

"Jay." Emma giggled, turning to face him.

"Morning." He replied, leaving his hand on her ass. "You should set some rules for me."

"Rules?" Emma echoed, not following him.

"Yeah... like how many... typical guy things I can do." He looked at her, a smirk forming on his lips. "Like this, for example." Jay squeezed her butt again, pulling her closer to him.

"Jay." She giggled again, lightly hitting his chest.

He leaned down, moving his lips to hers. He let his free hand go to her ass as well, and he felt Emma smile into the kiss. Her hands on his bare chest, Emma slid her hands up to Jay's face. Holding it delicately, Emma slowly pulled away. Placing her hands back on his chest, she smiled up at him.

"Do you have work today?"

"Yeah... but I don't have to go." Jay slid his hands up to her waist.

"Yes you do." Emma told him, shaking her head a bit. "I'm surprised you ever go into work."

"I'm the boss. I can do whatever I want." Jay said triumphantly, smiling at his girlfriend. Emma just shook her head.

"You're lucky you're the boss." Emma pushed him playfully.

She walked around him, heading towards the bathroom. Jay watched her walk, Emma slowly moving her hands to the bottom of her nightie as she got closer to the bathroom. Following her, Jay saw Emma slowly lift it up, almost in the exact same way she did last night. Discarding it on the bathroom floor, Emma moved out of Jay's view to turn on the shower. Looking at himself in his boxers, Jay decided he could go for a shower as well. He walked into the bathroom, watching Emma take her towel off the hook.

"Jay, you scared me." She stated, seeing him in the doorway for the first time.

"Well, if you're scared, you shouldn't be in here alone." Jay told her, discarding his boxers.

All Emma could do was giggle as Jay took a step towards her. He took her towel, placing it on the counter top of the sink, and went to open the linen closet to get himself a towel. Emma grabbed his arm, pulling him into an extremely passionate kiss. Hoping he would forget about getting the towel, Emma snaked her arms around his neck. Jay squeezed Emma's waist, slowly pulling away for oxygen.

"Wow." He breathed. "What was that for?"

"What, I just can't kiss you?" She asked slyly, moving her hands from around his neck, down to his chest.

"Oh, you can... anytime..." Jay paused for a second. "Did you not want me to go into the linen closet?"

"What?" Emma shook her head. "That's just silly."

"Oh, well then I'm going to get myself a towel." Jay went to turn around, and Emma pulled him into another intense kiss. Jay chuckled into it and pulled away. "So I can't open the closet door." He decided, looking at Emma suspiciously.

"Okay, so Manny and I went shopping... for lingerie..." Emma paused.

"Yeah, it's right there on the floor." Jay pointed to it.

"Well yes... and no..." Emma looked at the closet for a moment. "There was a sale... and Manny wouldn't get any for herself... and she insisted on me getting three, since it was three for ten."

"You have three?" Jay looked towards the closet. "I wanna see."

"You will... when I wear them... if I wear them." Emma's voice lowered as she got to the end of her sentence.

"If, what do you mean if?" Jay looked at her. Emma was already embarrassed enough, standing naked in her bathroom, with Jay naked also. She looked down at the floor.

"I'm not like that... not like Manny... it was... difficult for me to wear the lace one..." Emma felt Jay put his finger under her chin. She let him lift her head up.

"Baby, you're gorgeous... beautiful... and you look extremely sexy in lace... and I love you... so do whatever you're comfortable with." Jay looked towards the closet and turned back to Emma. "And if you decide not to wear them, do I get to see them?"

"No... What if I do decide to wear them? Then it won't be a surprise when you see me in it." Emma said, and gave Jay a soft kiss. "So, now that the shower has been running for almost ten minutes, I'm going to get in."

"Me too." Jay exclaimed, following her in.

As the water hit them, Jay pulled Emma into him, kissing her deeply. He broke the kiss to move to her neck. Smiling, Emma knew this was going to be a long shower. Taking her fingers, Emma lightly moved her finger tips down Jay's chest. As a result, he shuddered, overwhelmed with a sensual sensation. Picking her up, Jay lightly pressed her against the wall. Holding tightly onto his arms, Emma loved that he worked out so much. Their mouths found each others again, and Emma wrapped her legs tighter around Jay, crossing her legs at her ankles. He entered her slowly. Moving her lips to Jay's neck, Emma also lightly scratched his back, causing Jay to sigh and put his head in the crook of her neck. This time was faster than last night, just pure lust for one another. Nibbling on his ear lobe, Emma panted lightly. Jay loved that, hearing her irregular breathing, knowing he was the one making her feel like this.

A shower and an hour later, the two finally made it out of the shower. Emma had to bargain with him so Jay would actually go to work, since he would much rather spend the day with Emma. After he left, Emma smiled to herself, taking a look around her apartment. Everything seemed so right... so perfect. No more then ten minutes later, Manny burst through the door.

"I want details Missy." Many smiled and let the door close behind her. "By the way... I kinda had sex with Sean." She said in one breath, sort of hoping Emma didn't hear her.

"Did you just say you had sex... with Sean?" Emma asked, raising an eyebrow at Manny.

"Well what else was I supposed to do? You shoved us together for a night... we were bored... plus he's hot." Manny shrugged, satisfied with her answer.

"Manny, Manny, Manny." Emma shook her head, but she was smiling. "I knew you two would be good together."


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter 28, part 1: Faster, Pt.1**

_This is what it looks like  
This is what it feels like_

The girls were getting ready to go out. Emma promised Manny that she would not bring up the 'Sean thing', since Manny and Sean haven't decided on anything yet... besides that they are extremely, physically, attracted to each other. Wanting to be comfortable, Emma slipped into low-rise black jeans and a simple, yet sophisticated baby blue top. Taking a seat on the couch as she waited for Manny to finish up, she began staring at her ring. Holding her hand up, Emma allowed the light to catch it, causing it to sparkle. She smiled to herself. She loved it.

"You must really love that thing, huh?" Manny asked, coming out of the bathroom.

"Yeah..." Emma smiled softly at her hand. "Isn't it beautiful?"

"Indeed it is." Manny agreed, sitting down next to Emma. "How is it?"

"How is what?" Emma queried, pulling her attention away from her ring finger.

"Being with Jay." Manny explained, watching Emma's movements as she mentioned his name.

"It's great... it's amazing..." Emma looked at Manny. "It feels right, ya know?"

"Yeah..." Manny looked down, playing with her fingers. I want that..." She paused, "I really want that."

"You'll get it Manny." Emma assured her.

"I hope so." Manny looked back up at Emma.

"Well what about you and Sean?" Emma watched the look on her face. "I promise I won't bring it up in front of the guys."

"I don't know..." Manny shrugged her shoulders. "I mean we are definitely physically attracted to each other... but" She looked at Emma. "I want more then that."

"Yeah, that's how Jay and I were." Emma nodded, recalling that she had sex with Jay before they were 'official'.

"Emma Christine Nelson, what happened to you?" Manny joked, "You never would have had sex before you dated."

"I don't know." Emma chuckled a little. "It's funny... how much you change..." She paused, staring at her ring. "When Jay came back, I was so confused, I mean I really cared about Zack, part of me still does... but it was the wrong time for us."

"He was perfect." Manny interjected. "And gorgeous." Emma laughed with Manny.

"He was, when we were together... but it didn't feel like we were dating... I don't know, but then Jay came back... gosh that guy had my thoughts all twisted." She looked up at Manny. "He's changed, so much since high school, and I'm really proud of him, for what he's done for himself, and all on his own."

"I'll agree with you there." Manny laughed a little, "Even I'm proud of him." She shook her head a bit. "He is one pretty fine human being."

"Manny!" Emma pretended to look shocked, but both girls started laughing. "It was a little hard for him... okay, really hard for him when I told him I thought we should wait... to have sex."

"I can imagine." Manny looked up, almost as if she was going to start daydreaming. "I don't think I could manage."

"You could..." Emma told her, "It was even hard for me... and I don't really know why, but it was. I'm still not comfortable with all of it... I'm not as confident as you... I mean, I just..." Emma shook her head. "It's weird though, because with Jay, I can take charge, I mean I've... gone down... on him a couple times."

"Emma Nelson!" Manny exclaimed. "Why didn't you tell me that before?"

"I don't know... I still can't picture myself doing it." Emma thought back to Jay. "But he... I love the way he almost loses his breath when I touch him... and I love how he's not like those typical guys who push you to do it... he lets me do everything at my own pace."

"I'm sorry." Manny has a smirk on her lips. "I still can't believe you... and he... oh wow."

"I've only done it twice, Jesus." She joked, smiling at Manny. "You know, the first time I did it, I totally caught him off guard... I don't think he thought I would have done it... and the next morning, he told me that I didn't have to do that if I didn't want to, and that just made me feel so much better about being with him."

"I'm really happy for you." Manny gave Emma a warm smile. "Not about the..." Manny looked up and down suggestively, "I mean about being with Jay."

"You'll find it Manny..." Emma paused. "Sean could be it... it might be worth it to give it a try."

"You don't think it's weird...I mean we all went to school together... and suddenly we all practically live together." Manny smiled a bit as she shook her head. "I mean you and Sean dated forever, and everyone thought you two would be the one Degrassi couple that would last forever."

"I was always hoping that I could be happy, and I thought staying with Sean would bring me that." Emma stared off into space for a moment. "But, we truly were almost... disastrous together. We always had something to worry about... yet, he will always be my first love, and I do still love him... we just fell out of love with each other."

"I always thought that I would finally find what I had been looking for with Craig." Manny gave Emma a soft look, "Do you really think I could find that in Sean?"

"Manny, you grew up with Sean as much as I did." Emma returned Manny's look. "It is definitely worth a shot. He's a great guy."

"And he has amazing abs." Manny added, smiling like a school girl. "I love that he works out."

"Oh, I love that Jay works out too." Emma and Manny began to giggle. A knock at the front door interrupted them. "It's open!" Emma yelled, and she went back to laughing with Manny. Sean and Jay stepped into the apartment.

"I thought we were going to The Dive tonight?" Sean asked, watching the two girls on the couch. Emma and Manny exchanged looks with each other, and then looked over to the guys innocently.

"Sorry." Manny began.

"We just got caught up... in some girl talk." Emma finished. They looked at each other again, trying to suppress their urge to laugh.

"Which means they were talking about us," Jay told Sean, smirking a bit. "Do you still want to go, or would you like to gab some more?" Emma stood up, walking over to Jay and Sean. She gave Sean a quick peck on the cheek before turning to Jay.

"You better be careful, or you won't see those 'special outfits'." Emma whispered in his ear. She turned to Manny, giving her a giggling smile, and left the apartment. Jay turned around, walking after Emma, leaving Sean and Manny alone.

"Baby," Jay put his arm around her, "You know I was just kidding."

"Uh-huh," Emma smiled at Jay. Sean and Manny were a couple steps behind Jay and Emma, talking amongst themselves about nothing in particular. Manny smiled to herself, thinking that her and Sean just might possibly work.

* * *

**Chapter 28, part 2: Faster, Pt.2**

_I'll lose my head  
If you go to him again  
I'll lose my mind_

The four made it to The Dive in a relatively peaceful silence. As they entered the small club, Jay squeezed Emma's waist, making sure he wouldn't lose her in the crowd of people. Emma took Manny's hand, and Manny took Sean's hand as they weaved through everybody. Sean looked down at Manny's hand delicately holding onto his and a small smiled form on his lips. Lightly, he squeezed it, hoping Manny would take that as a sign that he liked holding her hand. Once Manny felt Sean's squeeze, Manny in turn squeezed Emma's hand. Emma turned her head to look at her, a smile on her face, which Manny happily returned. Making their way to the bar, Jay immediately ordered a beer, as did Sean. Turning down the drinks, Manny and Emma moved closer to the stage. As they began to dance with each other, Jay and Sean watched, mesmerized by their body movements. Jay let his eyes fall to Emma's curves, but was immediately brought back up to her face as he caught a glimpse of her smile. _Intoxicating_. After dancing for some time, the girls walked back over to the boys. Emma asked for water and then turned to face Jay. Placing his beer down on the counter top, a smirk came to his lips.

"What?" Emma asked, trying to hide her smile.

"Nothing." Jay shook his head. The waiter placed Emma's cup of water in front of her. Picking it up, she leisurely moved her parted lips to the straw. As she took a sip, Jay focused on her lips. "You are beautiful, you know that?"

"Well," She set her drink down next to Jay's beer. "If it's coming from you then I must have to believe it." Giving Jay a playful smile, Emma lightly pushed his chest.

She was ready to walk past him, with no particular reason in mind, just to tease him a bit. Jay tenderly grabbed her arm, pulling her back towards him. His lips crashed into hers. Smiling into the kiss, Emma let her arms go around his neck. Jay moved both hands to her waist, bringing her as close as possible to him.

"Hey you two." Manny said as she looked over at the two making out. "None of that. Don't you guys get tired of wearing each other's faces?"

"I don't even think it's possible to get tired of her." Jay smirked as he looked at Manny, still holding Emma close to him.

"Yeah... I have to agree." Manny smiled at Emma as she thought back to the conversation they shared before they left. Emma gave Manny a reassuring smile, tell her that she knew what she was thinking about.

"Hey, isn't that-" Sean started, staring at the stage.

"And Operation: Jealousy is back from their tour to give their hometown a preview of their new album!" The manager spoke into the microphone. Emma turned her attention to the stage.

"Unbelievable." Emma breathed.

She hadn't seen Zack in so long. Honestly, she didn't think she was going to be able to see him again. He took the mic as the band members got into their comfortable positions. Scanning the members, Emma didn't see Tristan. Instead, she saw a different guy on guitar. Without realizing what she was doing, Emma began walking slowly towards the stage. Her eyes were fixated on Zack, even though he has yet to spot her. Maneuvering her way through the crowd of people that were jumping up and down, Emma was set on getting to the front.

Meanwhile, Manny looked worriedly after Emma, wondering if she realized that she just left them. Jay was staring after her, a mixed expression on his face. His emotions were going berserk. He was hurt, and angry, and he just couldn't believe what was happening in front of his eyes. He didn't want to see anymore. Turning away, Jay walked out of the club, not saying a word. Now, Sean and Manny both had worried looks on their faces.

"I think I should go back sure he doesn't do anything stupid." Sean told Manny, watching Jay near the exit.

"Yeah, hurry." Manny urged. Sean gave her a kiss on the cheek before pushing through the packed club.

Staring off toward the stage, Manny couldn't see Emma anywhere. Emma was still moving toward the stage. Zack had finally spotted her. Now, he was practically singing to her. He sang into the mic, but his eyes were fixated on her. Motioning to the security guard as he continued to sing, he silently told him to let Emma on stage. The guard pulled her up, helping her up the stage. A few girls complained, asking if they could go up too. Standing on the edge of the stage, Emma waited for them to finish their set.

"Okay, we're gonna take a ten minute break, and we'll be right back up her." Zack said softly. The band grabbed water bottles as they left the stage. Each of them gave Emma a hug, except for the new guy, who just said 'hi'. Zack was the last one to leave the stage. "Hey," He smiled warmly.

"Hi," Emma replied. "I didn't think I was going to see you again."

"Yeah, me neither." Zack engulfed Emma in a hug, which she gladly returned. "How've you been?"

"Great, actually." They let go of each other. "And you?"

"Tristan's in rehab. He's getting his act together." Zack looked Emma over. " What's that?" He asked, pointing to the ring. Emma looked at her finger, suddenly remembering Jay, Manny, and Sean.

"I'm um" Emma paused. "Engaged." She finished. She looked weakly up at Zack.

"Wow, I wish you the best." Zack gave her another warm smile before giving her another tight hug. "It was good to see you again."

"Yeah, it was." Emma whispered back as they slowly let go of each other for the second time. "I better go, my friends are probably worried."

"Bye Em." Zack spoke softly. He really is perfect Emma thought... _for someone else_.

"Bye." Emma gave him a slight wave as she headed back out to the front of the club.

* * *

**Chapter 28, part 3: Faster P.3**

_And this is your heart beating faster,  
Faster_

Emma only found Manny as she made her way back to the front of the club. Without a word, they both started walking out at the same time. Now, they realized that Jay drove them, so they were either taking the thirty minute walk back to their apartment, or they were calling a cab. Manny opted for a cab, but Emma wanted to walk, to help her figure out what she was going to say to Jay. Manny won, mostly because Manny wouldn't let Emma walk by herself, and Emma didn't want to make Manny walk home in her heels.

"What happened?" Manny finally asked as the two got inside their apartment.

"I'm not sure." Emma looked at Manny. "I have to go see Jay." With that said, Emma excused herself from her apartment.

Lightly, she knocked on the door across the hall, waiting patiently, Emma wondered how she was going to explain what happened. Jay slowly opened the door.

"Well, I never thought I'd be on this side of the door in this type of situation." He said, unable to look at Emma.

"Jay-" Emma began, but Jay just shook his head.

"I don't want to do anything stupid..." He paused, still looking at the floor. "I just need some time to cool off... or whatever." He let out a little huff.

"Oh... okay." Emma nodded slightly and moved her eyes to the floor. "I guess... I'll just see you later." Emma turned and walked into her apartment.

She wanted to hug him, to have him hug her so bad, but she was almost afraid to get any closer to him. She really didn't want to make him bad. If she knew that her going up to Zack was going to upset him, she never would have done it. But it was almost as if something was pulling her into the stage, like she just had to say hi. Closing the front door, Emma leaned her back against it, sighing quietly. Manny came out, watching Emma closely as her eyes welled up with tears.

"Em, what happened?" Manny asked. Emma looked up, a tear falling from her eye, sliding down her cheek.

"I messed up Manny." A couple more tears slid down her cheeks. "He can't even look at me." Emma took a deep breath, trying to stop her tears.

"Oh, Em." Manny walked over to Emma, engulfing her in a hug. Emma refused to let anymore tears fall with Manny in the room. She sucked them back, and hugged Manny. "Don't worry, it will all work out." She reassured Emma. Emma just nodded a bit.

"I'm gonna try to get some sleep." Emma walked off to her room, closing the door gently. Sitting with her back against her headboard, Emma cried silently.

Part of Manny wanted to go over to Jay's and make him talk to her, but she didn't want to make this any worse. Quietly, Manny opened up the door and knocked on Sean's. Frustrated, Jay answered. "I'm not going to yell at you, or force you to talk to Em, but when you are ready, please let her explain, give her a chance. She's extremely upset, and I hate seeing her like this." Manny said, keeping her voice normal. Jay just nodded, and Manny walked back into her apartment. Jay closed the door. He hated seeing Emma that upset too, but he couldn't just turn off the way he felt.

The next morning, Emma woke up to a note beside her.

_Emma, stop by the garage today during lunch if you can... Jay_

Emma sighed. He never called her Emma. He hasn't called her Emma in about seven or eight months. Turning to look at the clock, Emma realized it almost was lunch time. Last night, she had a hard time falling asleep, due to her yelling at herself. She was happy that it was Sunday, but that happy feeling wasn't powerful enough for her, she needed to feel more. Emma got up, showered, and got dressed. Part of her was dreading this, dreading to go see the love of her life. She was so worried, too worried about what could happen, about all the bad things that could happen. Slowly, Emma walked to the garage. Jay was working on a car. Emma stayed quiet, watching him work, she liked seeing him like this, so relaxed, yet so concentrated. He turned his head, catching a glimpse of Emma. He stood up, motioning for Emma to come in. Pulling his arms out of his jumpsuit, Jay walked over to the sink to wash his hands. Emma walked past a couple of the workers as she followed Jay into the office. Gently, Emma closed the door behind her, and leaned against it.

"So..." Jay said, hoping Emma would start this off.

"I'm so, so sorry." Emma took a deep breath. "I didn't know what happened... I just hadn't seen Zack, or the band in so long... I know the way I... went about it was wrong way... but something in me just had to say hi to them... I am truly sorry."

"I know you are..." Jay paused, staring down. "Emma, you... hurt me last night... you just left... I mean there wasn't an explanation... you didn't say anything. I know I wouldn't have been okay with you going over to say hi to an ex-boyfriend, but if you would have said that you were going to say hi, I would have felt a lot better than I do right now."

"Emma," Emma spoke softly. He called her Emma again, he was still mad. She made her voice a little stronger. "I know," Emma nodded her head slowly. "I'm sorry for how I handled this... so I guess I'll see you..." Emma trailed off, she put her hand on the doorknob, before speaking again. "By the way, I told him I was engaged." She said, her voice barely even.

"What?" Jay asked, causing Emma to stop. She turned back to face Jay.

"I asked how he and the band was doing, Tristan's in rehab, and the band is doing really well." She paused, taking a breath. "And he asked about me, and I said I was... engaged, and he wished us the best... but," Emma put her fingers on her ring, slowly getting ready to take it off. "You probably want this back." Emma's voice lowered, she was fighting so many tears as she went to slide that ring off her finger. A couple escaped, and she couldn't let herself take it off.

"Leave it alone." Jay told her, finally looking at her.

"What?" Emma asked, confused. Jay began his stride over to her.

"Don't you ever take that off." He said as he stood before her. Emma looked up at him, tears still trying to slip from her eyes. Jay cupped her face, wiping her tears away with his thumbs.

"Really?"

"Really." Jay gave her a small smirk as she flung her arms around him. It felt so good to have him near her again. He held her tight, whispering in her ear "I love you Baby." Emma melted, he called her Baby, he wasn't upset anymore.

"I love you." She whispered back, holding him tighter. She gave him a kiss on the neck. "I'm so, so sorry." She whispered.

"I know Baby." Jay said, lightening up his grip on her.

She was so happy to hear that word come out of his mouth. He met her in a kiss. Emma kept her arms around his neck as Jay's hand slid to the doorknob, turning the lock. She giggled into the kiss as Jay picked her up. Locking her legs around him, Jay walked over to the desk. Sitting her on the edge of it, Jay deepened the kiss. Emma leaned up, making her body taller, reaching up to Jay, forcing herself to be as close as possible to him. Letting his hands fall to her thighs, his mouth moved to her neck. He applied a little pressure as his hands barely moved up and down her thighs.

"Jay." Emma spoke, barely able to get it out.

"Yeah Baby?" He asked in between kissing her neck.

"We're at you job." She stated and bit her bottom lip as he grazed her neck with his teeth.

"I know." He answered, picking his head up to look at her.

"But-" Emma watched Jay smirk.

"Not too many people are working today, and the door's locked." He whispered as he leaned in to kiss her again. "I" He kissed her lips. "Love you Baby." He kissed her again.

"I love hearing you call me that." Emma told him. "I love you so much." She whispered. Jay cupped her face again, pulling her lips to his. Passion took over, and their kiss was immediately deep. This was it, this was them, forever and always.

**The End**


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